Before Her Last Breath
by PerfectlyPersuasive
Summary: When they move back to Forks, Edward decides to follow in Carlise's footsteps and become a doctor. As he becomes more and more frustrated with his monotonous life, Bella is admitted with a serious illness. Will he be able to resist? AU/EPOV
1. Chapter 1

**Edward decides to follow Carlisle's footsteps and become a doctor when they move back to Forks. As he becomes more and more frustrated with his monotonous life, Bella is admitted with a serious illness. His life and heart will never be the same. **

**

* * *

**

Basically, I was bored with high school.

That is what fueled my decision this time around. Instead of pretending to be a teenager, I am pretending to be an Intern under Carlisle at the hospital.

I had already been to medical school twice before, so this is pretty boring as well. It is nothing new, but nothing ever is.

At least, it is better than Geometry.

So, I donned a white coat instead of a backpack, and took on my role as human Dr. Edward Cullen.

And, although I ame on a different path this time, everything is the absolute same.

My life is a perpetual cycle of avoidance, monotony and denial.

I do have simple joys in my life: the thrill of the kill, running, my Volvo and music. For the most part, though, I simply exist.

I believe that I gave up my right to live when I ceased to live. It is as simple and as complicated as that. I cannot stop existing…well, unless a vampire rips me apart and burns the pieces, and as much fun as that sound, I think I'll pass. But, what is living without a heartbeat, without a soul? There is no love, white wedding, children, grandchildren or pearly gates in my future. As nice as that all sounds, it is not going to happen for me.

If you want to see my future, look to my present or past. It will ALL be the same. Well, accept for the time when I was killing humans. That was a little off-script.

I know I have my family, and sure, I love them as much as I think I can. I appreciate them, of that I am certain, but I never had what they have together.

_Carlisle and Esme. Jasper and Alice. Emmett and Rosalie. _

_Mates. Spouses. True Love. Your Better Half. The Ball & Chain. Husband & Wife_.

Whatever name it goes by, it is still a mystery to me.

Of course, I understand the thoughts and ideas behind love. I have been hearing the thoughts of the smugly in love for at least eighty years, as much as I would have preferred to not.

It is the cause of love, the spark, of which I am clueless. My ability to love and accept love switch must have not been flipped off, or maybe my circuit breaker is broken. I suppose, it doesn't matter.

I have always tried to be content in myself, complaining is a waste of time. Besides, to whom would I complain?

Alice, my pixie sister who I am closest to in the family, would only search my future and come up depressed at what it holds for me…nothing. Alice can see the future, conditionally of course, but I will not have her waste her visions on me. God, it would only bore her.

Jasper, Alice's husband who can sense and manipulate emotions, would make me feel better, but that would be fleeting. After he stopped, I would feel worse than before. You always know just how crappy you actually feel when Jasper makes you feel elation and joy. The crash back down to depression and gloom pretty is not something I would recommend.

Emmett, the burliest vampire I have ever met, would just tell me to stop acting like a girl. Then, as always, his thoughts would drift to Rosalie and their previous escapades, and I already see enough of that as it is. Or, he might challenge me to a wrestling match to help, and I quote, "find my balls." He is quite eloquent when he wants to be.

Speaking of Rosalie, which is something I try to avoid, she would just be indifferent to me as always. She has such a vapid, vain existence; I would be surprised if she even noticed other people had thoughts and feelings. No, that is speaking to highly of her, I would be surprised if she noticed the the speed of which light reflects unless it was her skin the light was hitting.

Esme would take my loneliness onto herself. She already does that. She is always thinking of ways to make me less lonely. Her last plan had me sewing new pillows for the sofa with her, and Emmett and Jasper have still not let me forget about that. So, no, I will not be asking Esme for help.

Carlisle would be the best to talk to; he understands being alone. I already know where his thoughts would slip. I cannot stand to hear him thinking that maybe I was too young to be changed, being only seventeen. Physically mature, yet emotionally stunted. Not only I am alone, but I am an alone child. Fun.

That always makes me feel worse because I never did have a chance to experience the pleasures of the opposite sex while I was alive. I longed of fighting in the Great War, not the shape of the female form. I always assumed that I would have time later to marry, have relations and have a family. What young man would presume his time would run out so quickly?

Yet, now, all I have is time.

So, that leads me to my current situation.

Lately, it seems, I have been dwelling on the fact that I do not have a mate. This was a fleeting thought, but it has been becoming more prevalent as the years have passed.

It's not that I never believed having someone would be nice; I had just come to terms that it was not my lot in life. I do not deserve it.

Monsters do not deserve love.

My family, the Cullen's, moved to Forks, or back to Forks, about two years ago. We move about every five years, or before the humans become aware that we are not aging. We live our "vegetarian" lifestyle by hunting animals, and we try to blend as best we can with society. We never really assimilate completely though because as dumb as humans are, they know subconsciously to keep their distance from us. So, in turn, we keep to ourselves.

That does not stop people from thinking about us, and it is my curse to hear every inane thought around me. Human teenage girls are the worst. I think they might single handily bring about the decline of civilization. The thoughts of teenage girls, I am not going to lie, was probably the deciding factor of foregoing high school this time around.

I felt the same moving here, though, as I always did when we move to a new place.

I walked my rounds, and the job was nothing unusual.

I hunted, and I felt nothing new.

I played my piano, and the songs were no different.

I am not sure when the longing hit me, and I cannot pinpoint the moment my wants and needs changed. I just know they have.

I feel as though I am waiting for something _or someone_.

And, at this point, I wish I could go back to nothing because the anticipation of this unknown need is starting to irritate me!

I can barely stand my family, let alone the humans for whom I am supposed to be compassionate and caring.

Everyone has the same thoughts. Everyone is selfish and turning their prayers to God in the end, even though they had not done so in years. Every thought is tinged with remorse or regret. No one cherishes the life they had, the opportunity to grow old, and die a natural death.

In the end of their lives, instead of being grateful for all the beautiful things they had, they are regretful of the things they never did or the time they will miss. When did being satisfied and thankful for all the blessings you have become a moot point?

Humans do not know remorse, and they sure as hell don't know pain!

Yet, each one thinks that no one has ever been though half of what they have had to endure. What imbeciles!

Do they have to endure listening to the thoughts and silent screams of your victim as you drain their life force from their body?

Do they have to deny their natural instincts and desires just so they won't be a murderer?

Do they have to constantly control every movement, word and action to not raise suspicion?

Do they ever have to exist day to day, knowing that they are a monster and being sickened by their very own existence?

NO!

They don't know anything about real suffering. Humans infuriate me.

I feel a growl deep in my chest, and I do nothing to stop it from escaping.

"Edward."

I turn my head to the whisper of my name, too soft for the ears of the humans in the hospital hallway, and look at Carlisle, my father, companion, and sire.

"You are scaring the nurses. Relax your face," Carlisle commands.

In less than a second, my face has returned to the blank boredom it normally conveys.

Now, in a voice that everyone can hear, Carlisle speaks to me again, "Dr. Cullen, could I please see you in my office."

"Yes sir," I reply tersely.

As I follow him down the hall, I can hear the thought of the nurses and their heart beats as they return to normal. I was so lost in my own head that I did not even hear the terrified thoughts of the nurses and patients around me. I can see my face, lost in anger and disgust of humanity and myself, in the thoughts of one of the nurses, and it was a terrifying one indeed. They are smart to have been afraid.

As their fear subsides, their normal attitudes and thoughts come back.

A few of the nurses wonder what is wrong with me, and are comparing my distant and cold attitude to the kindness and compassion of Carlisle.

I don't need my ability to know who the favorite Cullen is at Forks General.

Two of the, are staring at our backsides as we walk away. Ugh, they are almost as bad as teenage girls. I suppose women are just teenage girls with full time jobs. They should be embarrassed by their vulgar thoughts.

Nurse Smith, whose mind is always extremely loud and obnoxious, is happy that I am about to be in trouble for my lack of professionalism. Not to mention, my horrible bedside manner.

I glance back at her, the most annoying nurse out of them all, and scowl.

She averts her stare to the floor and quickly walks away.

That's right; you need to know with whom you are dealing.

When I turn into Carlisle's office, he slams the door quietly, and turns toward me with a look of shame mingled with defeat.

Before I have time to even wonder why he feels defeated, his face is shrouded in pity…my least favorite emotion, unless I am feeling it for myself.

"Edward," he starts calmly, "what is going on with you?"

"I lost myself in my thoughts," I mumble.

I may not have Jasper's abilities, but I can feel his disappointment. His thoughts direct that emotion not at me, like it should be, but at himself for not being able to help me. God, what an ass I am. When I am being an asshole, my ability really makes me feel like such an _asshole_.

"Not just today, but for the last few months as well, you have been miserable," he pauses. "I know you are not the happiest-go-lucky fellow, but I have never seen you this depressed. Jasper can barely stand to be in the same room as you anymore. It has become too much for him."

Of course, I know this already. Jasper and Alice, both, have been silently pleading with me to at least open up to someone. Again, though, who?

I can feel his eyes on me, his mind silently pleading with me to finally voice my feelings. I turn to stare out the window, and I take a deep, unneeded, breath.

"I just have been feeling alone, more alone than usual," I rush the words, speaking in the softest whisper. I know he can hear me.

"Edward, I know it is not the same as having a mate, but you are not alone," he speaks just as lightly, his tone comforting and reassuring. I just don't think I can be comforted or reassured, and I don't want to be lied to. The truth always hurts the worst.

Carlisle places his hand on my shoulder, gently squeezing, letting me know that someone is here.

I turn to look at him. He pats my shoulder to encourage me, his thoughts kind.

I take another breath to ready myself for the vulnerability I am about to show. As a man, and especially as a male vampire, I do not enjoy being put in a place of weakness.

When I finally decide to just let out all my frustration and loneliness, Carlisle's beeper goes off.

Carlisle, as strange as it is, is the hospitals leading Hematologist.

A vampire who specializes in blood and blood disorders, Carlisle has the most restraint and self control I have ever seen. He claims that he has desensitized himself to the smell of blood and that now his keen sense of smell helps him catch things before others.

I can control myself around humans, but to work with blood, it would be too much. I would lose myself to the blood lust.

I am working this time to specialize in Radiology. This way I have limited contact with humans, and my vampiric eyesight comes in handy when reading the X-Rays.

This also means I have to listen to the insipid thoughts of Sally, Forks General's X-Ray Technician. She really enjoys imagining things involving my mouth and her body. She is as bad as a teenage girl, if not worse.

If she knew what I could do with my mouth, she wouldn't want it anywhere near her. She is lucky that she disgusts me. She smells horrible, cheap perfume doused over her body, so much so, I almost cannot make out her natural scent. Then, she has these ridiculous breast implants. I can hear the silicone move against her body. Just thinking of it makes me cringe.

Carlisle pats me on my back once more, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Later. Edward, we will finish this conversation, alright?"

I nod, and he turns to leave. I hear him pause, turning to look back at me. I lift my eyes from the stain in the carpet.

"Try not to keep so much inside all the time Edward. It is okay to be frustrated."

I nod once more, and he walks out the door.

I continue with my day, and, like always, nothing new happens.

* * *

**Umm...so, I have been immersed in this world/addiction for a while now, and I have decided to have a story of my own. Let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Twilight. I always see that at the top of everyone's stories, so I guess I will add that as well. I don't want to assume you know that, of course, I do not own any aspect of Twilight. But, you know what they say when you assume...**

* * *

After my shift at the hospital, I retreat to the silence and comfort of my Volvo. No unwanted thoughts, just me, the road and Debussy.

I use the relaxation techniques that I found while traveling through India.

I concentrate on mentally relaxing each muscle in my body one at a time, breathing deeply in my nose and out my mouth. This does nothing for me physically, but it gives me somewhere to direct a major part of my focus. I am still watching the road, my speed, hearing the music, keeping tabs on my thirst, and about twenty other things. The bulk of my mind, though, is dedicated to my breathing exercise

My body does not crave oxygen, but the simple action of breathing is soothing.

Too quickly, I am pulling up at the house buried in the trees. We live in a large house overlooking the forest and a stream. It's isolated, and it is the one place where we can truly be ourselves.

All I want tonight is to retreat as quickly as possible to my room, so I can be alone with my thoughts and frustrations.

_Edward. Did it happen yet?_

It seems, once again, that I never get what I want, at least, not with Alice for a sister.

I open the front door to find the little pixie jumping from foot to foot in the foyer.

Alice is tiny, barely skimming five foot, but I learned quickly to never underestimate her.

Her bite is most definitely worse than her bite.

I love Alice, I truly do. Our bond formed because our abilities frequently annoy the other members of our family. Annoyance it seems is a strong foundation of our friendship, as long as it is not directed at each other.

It is almost impossible for anyone to have a secret with a mind reader and clairvoyant sitting next to them on the couch.

After two seconds of not answering her silent question, Alice is almost running in circles with excitement.

Her exuberance grows on you, of course, but it can also grow on my last nerve, this being the case lately. It is times like this when I wish we had the ability to sleep. Then Alice would have to be silent and still, at least for a few hours.

"I thought vampires were known for being motionless, Alice," I try to joke, hoping to lighten my mood. It, like all aspects of my existence lately, falls flat.

"Also, did what happen?" I ask remembering her silent question.

I raise an eyebrow as her face falls, her exuberant behavior calming.

_Nothing. Don't worry about it._

She smiles again, and looks up at me with black glowing eyes. I look into her mind, and I can see myself grinning. I look happy, more than happy, I look ecstatic. She shakes her head and focuses her thoughts on what shoes to wear tomorrow.

"Alice?" I question, but she quickly interrupts me.

"Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and I are going hunting tonight," she says expectantly.

"Okay?"

"Well, I know that there will be some Mountain Lion for you," she taps her head, "and it would be good for you to hunt with the group again."

"I hunted yesterday. No thank you," I reply as I leave the room.

"Next time Edward," she directs at my back, "We miss your company."

I cringe at the tone of sadness in her voice and thoughts. I do not enjoy making Alice or any of my family upset, except Rosalie on occasion.

I just am not in the mood to be surrounded by couples, especially not while hunting.

Emmett associates food with sex, so he always gets rather _excited._

Jasper then picks up on those emotions and desires, and while emitting those particular feelings to Alice, he ends up getting the whole group up and ready, so to speak. Then they break off in pairs to work off their excess energy.

And, I am left alone to clean up after everyone's kills. There is nothing fun about being sexually charged, single, and having to bury ten deer. That would be the last thing to ease my frustration.

According to Emmett, though, it is just what I need, a body to sleep with. He never specifies gender; he just says a body or person. His thoughts always question my sexuality anyways. I mean, just because I rejected Tanya's advances a few times, that does not make me gay. I don't understand how Emmett can not get that.

Emmett's last heart to heart with me on the subject of sex consisted of him holding up a banana and a doughnut and then two bananas. He wanted to know which I found more interesting. I was more interested in what he was doing with human food in the first place. He then shoved a DVD in my hands, told me to have fun, and left the room. It was titled _Edward Penishands_. Clever.

Growling at the memory, I continue up the stairs, grateful I am one step closer to the sanctity of my room.

_Edward, can you come here, please?_

Sighing, I walk down the hall toward Jasper's study where he keeps his collection of Civil War books and antiques, relics of his human life.

He stands in the doorway, his brow furrowed with worry.

_Are you alright? You seem further withdrawn this evening, more than before. Would you like some relief or calm?_

"No, I am fine. Thank you for your concern. I will be upstairs." I say with, I hope, a sense of finality. I know every vampire in the house can hear me.

"I would just love to be alone."

I hope that tonight, my wish will be granted. I won't hold my breath, although, that saying does not really work when you don't need to breath.

When I make it to my room on the third floor, I quickly close the door and turn on the stereo.

Music is life to me, and Alice always jokes that you can tell my mood by my choice of song.

Tonight, for certain, is a night for a new favorite, Bon Iver. Although, he does sing about love, it is his voice and the soft melodies that draw me in.

Also, it doesn't matter my mood "Blood Blank" could make me smile simply because of its name. The song itself wasn't humorous.

I lost myself in the music which was my intended goal, and my mood was becoming less severe when I heard Carlisle enter downstairs.

Esme greeted him at the door, and I can just make out their hushed hellos.

My mind drifts to my family members, and I was surprised to find I could only hear Carlisle and Esme before I remembered the others went hunting.

Carlisle's mind is frantic, going over different cancer treatments and studies of the last few years. Esme is wondering when the others will be back and, as always, her love for Carlisle is a prevalent force in her mind.

As I was drifting back into the lull of the music, I heard Carlisle silently beckon me to his office before his mind went back to his previous thoughts, anxious and tense.

Knocking is not necessary as I know he can hear me in the hallway, so I just go in.

_Edward. I need your help._

"What is it?" I ask imploringly, "Did something happen at the hospital after I left?"

He turns to me, rubbing his temples, pointless really, but I hear his thoughts calm just a little anways.

"When I was paged while we were in my office, the patient was a young woman with a cut that would not stop bleeding. She had sliced her hand when cutting an apple, and the doctor that was tending her wound called me because it would not clot."

He can see the obvious question in my eyes.

_I did not want to eat her, Edward!_

"Well," I humorlessly chuckle, "you never know."

"No, I suppose not," he exhales, "When I got off the elevator, I could immediately smell her. Her blood, it's like it's rotten. She smells spoiled. I can not think of a better word to describe it. So, no, I did not want to eat her," he looks up at me, "I believe that she has a very advanced case of leukemia. I have no idea how she was walking around. Normally, at this stage, humans are very weak. Who knows how long the cancer has been eating her alive."

He puts his head in his hands, shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Is it too far gone for chemo?" I ask aloud, though I can hear the definite _no_ in his mind.

"She's only 18," he answers quietly, "and she stands no chance. The poor girl has just started her life, and fate will take it away."

"What do you need me to do?"

_Read her X-rays tomorrow, unfortunately just to confirm my assumptions. I will talk to her after you read the results. I do hate this part._

"I will. No problem. Carlisle," he looks at me, "they are only human, and you can't save everyone. Mortals die."

"Trust me, I know, but this girl does not deserve this," he states as his mind goes back to any possible solution for her unfixable situation.

They never deserve it, at least that is what each human thinks, I bitterly think to myself as I leave his study.

I can only imagine what I will hear from her tomorrow. Not only is she a teenage girl, the most ridiculous group of all humans, but she is a dying teenage girl. Her mind will mostly likely jump from "hot" boys and shoes to all the "why mes?" she can come up with.

I do realize I have become cynical and harsh. Ninety years ago that was me, a young man dying of the Spanish Influenza. She will not get to have the life I never had. Something shifts in me, and I decide to be kind to this girl tomorrow. I may not have the compassion of Carlisle, but it does not mean I have the right to act like Rosalie. I might even meet this patient, something I normally try to avoid.

I don't want to go back to my room just yet, so I leave the house through the back door.

As soon as my feet hit the forest floor, I relax into the silence of the wind rushing past my ears, the leaves and branches softly stroking my skin.

When I cross the border into Canada, my thoughts drift to my earlier conversation with Alice and the image of the huge grin on my face. I can't remember a time I have looked as happy as I did in that fleeting vision.

What causes me to actually look so joyful, goofy grin and all, and why is Alice hiding it from me?

As I turn around to follow my path back home, I realize that instead of being angry at Alice for keeping me out, I am excited about the possibility of not being so miserable.

It's not much, but at least it's something new.


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again, I do not own Twilight. Surprised?**

* * *

When I got home from my run, I spent the rest of the evening at the piano. I just had the urge to play. No, I had a need to play! My body was craving a release, and I let my emotions out through the melody and notes. I was aware of Esme and Alice flittering through the room watching me, but I was absorbed in my task at hand.

As the sun rose in the sky, I felt refreshed, and dare I say, hopeful. About what, I am not quite sure. Alice is the one who can see the future, not me.

We are all going about about our normal routine. Esme is restoring a cabin that sits on our land, so she is in her study working on blue prints. Carlisle and I are preparing for our day at the hospital, and his mind is still racing with thought of the young girl who stands no chance against the cancer. The others are getting ready for school which no one is ever very enthusiastic about.

Yet, today, Alice was brimming with excitement. From the corner of my eye, I can see her as she glances at me. I try my best to give my family the privacy they deserve, but my curiosity has getting the better of me. I tune into her mind.

_Today. Today. Finally, Today!!_

Her mantra is confusing, to say the least, and it is very loud. I catch her eyes, and she smiles and dances around the room.

Alice needs to let me in on her little secret about me! I can take much more of her enthusiasm. I am about to demand she spill, but Rosalie starts speaking before me.

"My car is leaving for hell right now, and if any of you are not in it, have fun running to school," she spits out.

"Rose. You have such a sweet way of saying things," I mutter sarcastically.

"Shut up,_ Eddie_," she knows I hate being called that_. "_Why don't you go spread some depression around at the hospital. I am sure your patients just love dealing with you. I am sure you make the ones who are getting better want to kill themselves," she sneers.

"Oh, I imagine that Edward is fantastic with his patients," Alice butts in, "I know of one that will _love _when he visits!"

"Alice," I start, but she once again thwarts my questions. This is becoming a trend of which I am not particularly fond.

"Well, gotta' go. Bye Esme. Bye Carlisle, I hope you step aside. Bye Edward, I cannot wait to hear about your day!" she flies through the door before I even have a chance to respond.

Carlisle and I both glance questioningly toward Jasper who just shrugs his shoulders.

"Ya'll know I am always one step behind her as well. Have a good day," he says to us as he follows his wife out the door.

"Well, Alice has a way of keeping things…interesting," Carlisle looks back at me, "Ready?"

We are riding together today since we are on the same shift. If for some reason one of has to stay late, I will just run home.

"Sure, I need to get my coat, and then we can be off. I wonder what Alice meant when she said you should step aside" I ask while slipping my arms through the sleeves of my white lab coat.

"I'm not positive, but I imagine we shall figure it out at some point. Or, she will eventually just let us know."

I nod, and we walk in step toward the garage.

Once we are in Carlisle's Mercedes and on our way to the hospital, Carlisle mind is once again racing about the young girl in his care.

"You can't think of anything? Do you think transfusions or transplants…"

"No, I believe that it is just too far gone," he interrupts. "If my suspicions are correct, I believe she has Stage Five Acute Leukemia. I am not sure if it has spread to her organs, but she has to be weak. I am surprised she wasn't admitted before for fatigue, nausea or vomiting. It is hard to believe that she wasnt experiencing some symptoms."

Never blinking, he focuses on the road in front of us as he continues, "right now, we need to try to keep her free from any germs. Her immune system must be almost non-functioning. For this reason, if I cannot help her when she pages someone to her room, I am going to need you to go to her," Carlisle turns his eyes to me and searches my face for a sign of agreement.

"Isn't that the nurses' job? To go to her when she presses the call button?"

"Yes, normally, but you and I both know that we do not hold any germs that could hurt her. Another human could inadvertently put her at risk. I believe that one cold will do her in. I am going to recommend that she be put under strict isolation," he seems convinced this is the only option.

"Do you actually think that once you tell her she has no chance, that she will be willing to be the girl in the bubble?"

"All I can do is recommend it," he states.

"Well, if I was in her shoes, I would want to spend the rest of my time doing what I wanted and spending time with my loved ones."

"You would?" he glances at me imploringly, "I would have imagined you would just want to spend time alone sulking."

"I don't sulk, I reflect sadly," I insist.

_Oh, Edward, you sulk. A lot!_

I turn to look out the window, reflecting sadly.

_See, that is exactly of what I am speaking. _

I growl in response.

As we pull up to Forks General, Carlisle stops me from getting out of the car. I look at his hand on my shoulder, and then I lift my eyes to his.

"I was serious before Edward. I am going to need your help here. You and I are going to have to assist her instead of the nurses as much as possible. Could you do it as a favor to me?"

He finishes his statement silently.

_Please?_

"Yes, you can count on me," and the funny this is, I mean it. For some reason, I want to help this stranger girl.

We walk together to the front door of Forks General, and get into the elevator. He leaves me on the third floor, and I exit soon after on the fourth.

As I am walking down the hallway, I tune into the minds around me.

_I hope that they don't find any new cells._

_I wonder if the Chemo will affect her sex drive like the Radiation did?_

_God, I just want to go home. _

_My feet hurt. _

These are musings that I have heard before; that I hear everyday. I pause for a moment at the male voice wondering about his wife's willingness to have sex with him while she is sick. Selfish Bastard.

_Mmmm…Dr. Cullen, don't you like tasty today! I wonder if he would stop me if I just unzipped his pants…_

"Sally," I greet her tersely.

"Good morning Dr. Cullen. It is a beautiful day, don't you think?" she smiles in what she thinks is an alluring smile. She is completely wrong; her smile is creepier than mine.

"It is dark, cloudy and rainy. I am not sure that qualifies as beautiful," I state shortly, "if anyone needs me I will be in my office," I tell her, slamming the door behind me.

The great thing about a hospital the size of Forks General is that even though I am only an intern, I get my own office. Also, the Radiology Department is understaffed, so I only have to check in with a superior a few times a day. This works well for my quest for solitude. Although, with Sally just outside my door, I never feel alone; her thought are, unfortunately for me, extrememly loud and lewd!

_He wants me!!_

She is also highly delusional. Sometimes I really hate that I can read minds.

I hide in my office, and read X-Rays when I am needed. I haven't spoken to Carlisle since we arrived, yet I wish he would call me. I want to know what is happening with the girl!

The morning slips by, and the next time I look at the clock, it is already two. My thoughts again turn to the dying mystery girl when I hear Carlisle think my name.

_Edward. I am coming down with Bella Swan. I called and Sally has gone to lunch, so now would be the perfect time for you to give her a MRI. We will be there in two minutes. Please have everything set up._

I heed Carlisle's silent notification, and prepare for the MRI scan. Forks General just joined the New Millennium and purchased a MRI machine. It was embarrassing giving full body Cat Scans for patients with serious internal cancers or growths.

I can smell her before I hear them, and Carlisle is right. She smells spoiled, but for some reason this infuriates me. Even though she smells expired, I feel the venom pool in my mouth. Why does she have to be sick? She must have smelled so damn delicious!!

I breathe in deeply through my nose, and I can see my eyes darken. My reactions and train of thoughts surprise me. I have to actively concentrate on taming the monster inside me, so I can be composed when the come in.

Why do I crave this girl? It is obvious her blood is bad!

I hear a beautiful, tinkering laugh in the hallway, and it breaks my focus from her scent. It is an angelic sound. A moment later, the sliding doors open, and Carlisle enters pushing a small brunette in a wheelchair.

So, this must be Bella Swan? She has a heartshape face, large brown eyes, and full lips. She is quite pale, almost as pale as Carlisle and I.

Her skin is practically translucent, and I am drawn in by the pulsing vein in her neck. I breathe through my nose to test myself, and I have to swallow all the venom before it seeps out of mouth. Her delectable scent is diluted somewhat by her disease, but I am still going to have to control myself more than usual around her.

"Well, I have never known anyone to have such a serious injury from a peanut butter and jelly sandwich," Carlisle says obviously continuing their previous conversation.

She laughs again, and the sound of it makes me feel uncomfortable. She sighs deeply, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes, and then she looks up at me.

"Hello," she says softly. She averts her eyes to the floor. Her heart beat picks up; it sounds amazing.

"Bella," Carlisle steps into my line of vision which causes me to turn my eyes away from her; it is almost physically painful to look away from her while she is the room with me. Carlisle continues the introduction, "this is my son, Dr. Edward Cullen. He will be giving you your MRI this afternoon." He looks up at me, "Dr. Cullen this is Bella Swan."

_Edward, quit staring at her! You need to get yourself together!_

Carlisle's silent reprimand breaks me out of my revelry.

"Well, umm, why don't we get started," I stutter. Since when do I stutter? What is happening??

"Ok," if I was human, I don't think I would have heard her. She never lifts her eyes.

"Ms. Swan," I say in what I hope is a soothing tone, "I know that a lot seems to be happening at once, and this can all be very frightening. I just want you to try to relax during the MRI. It is going to be rather loud in there, so I have some headphones for you. You can listen to whatever station you want. Although, Forks is kind of limited when it comes to music choices," I ramble.

She timidly smiles at my music comment which fuels me to continue speaking.

"The MRI will take around forty minutes, and I am going to need you to stay as still as possible while the machine is running. Okay?" That really is a rhetorical question, but for some reason, I wait until she answers me.

"Alright, still as possible, got it," she speaks a little louder. She glances at my face and then looks back to the floor. Her heart rate increases enormously.

Am I scaring her? My venom flows a little stronger at the thought.

_Edward. Do I need to take over?_

Carlisle once again has to get my attention silently. I break my eyes away from the girl in front of me to look up at him. I have to suppress the guttural growl I feel rumbling in my chest. He will NOT take over!

_Did you just growl at me? Seriously Edward, we don't have all day. I would like to get this done before Sally gets back. I timed it perfectly. _

I give him a terse nod too quickly for her to see, and I walk towards her at a human pace.

"Let's get started Ms. Swan," I say, but before I can continue she interrupts me.

"Bella," she states, holding her gaze on my face this time, "you can call me Bella."

I can't stop the smile from forming on my face, "alright, Bella, let's get started."

* * *

**Ok, well, if you have stumbled across this and read it, let me know what you think! It makes me smile like Edward!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here we go, chapter four! I want to thank everyone who reviewed or added BHLB to your alert or favorite. Thank you for reading as well. I would love to hear what everyone says, or just review, so I know you are there. Don't be a lurker like I was for so long! I do have songs I associate with the chapters, and I can put them on here somewhere if you like. Just let me know! It's good music, if I say so myself. :)**

**Also, I don't have a beta. If anyone is interested, PM me.  
**

**Ok, like before, I do not own Twilight. I wish though...where's Jimminey Cricket when you need him?**

* * *

"_Let's get started Ms. Swan," I say, but before I can continue she interrupts me._

"_Bella," she states, holding her gaze on my face this time, "you can call me Bella."_

_I smile unintentionally, "alright, Bella, let's get started."_

* * *

I walk behind Bella's chair, and push Carlisle aside. "I can help her from her," I direct at him

_Edward, you are acting rather strange. Are you okay?_

My lips curl into a smirk. "I am just helping," I say too quickly for her to hear, "like you asked, remember?" I hold my gaze on the back of her head.

_Right, well, get her set up, and I will be waiting in the adjoining room. _

I nod, and direct my entire focus back to the girl in front of me. I take a deep breath through my nose, and her scent burns my throat. The spoiled smell is almost completely diminished now; I suppose I have become acclimated to it by being in her presence. What lingers is a magnificent, mouth watering blend of strawberries, freesia and a musky sweetness. I swallow repeatedly, letting the venom run back down my throat.

I have never felt this way before about a human; it's hard to resist. I can imagine what it would feel like to slowly lean over her, taking my time consuming her nectar and warming by body as my teeth cut into her supple flesh.

God, I want her.

If she was healthy, I would have not been strong enough to resist the call of her blood. I inhale again, and my eyes almost roll into the back of my head.

_Your eyes are completely BLACK!!_

He is through the door as soon as I hear his silent shout, putting his hands back onto the wheelchair, taking her away from me.

Mine!

I slightly crouch, ready to defend what belongs to me.

Carlisle glances back at me, worry filling his eyes, his thoughts confused by the meaning of my actions.

_Please, Edward, you will scare Bella; don't take this further._

The idea of frightening her, on one level, is enjoyable, it makes the hunt that much sweeter, but, for some reason, it also causes a pain in my chest, throbbing and deep.

I stop breathing and straighten my body to normal. Carlisle gives me a small and awkward smile, the kind of smile you give someone who just made you extremely uncomfortable, and then helps Bella into the machine.

I leave the room, and go into the adjoining area where Sally's desk is. There is a large window between connecting the rooms, and my focus never leaves Bella.

Now that I have a little distance, I can feel my control growing. As Bella situates herself and Carlisle finishes the prep work, I tune into her mind.

Nothing…is she that daft that she has no thoughts in her head? Even Rosalie has something constantly running through her mind, her looks or her clothes or her hair, but still, I mean, it's something.

Carlisle offers her the headphones, and she slips them into her ears, smiling up at him.

That was supposed to be me! I am overwhelmed by this shouting thought and feeling which knocks my previous musings about her silent mind right out of my head. I want to rip Carlisle's arm off and beat him with it, mercilessly.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen," she says as her body relaxes. I hear her speaking, church bells & singing birds have nothing on her voice, but her mind is blank. What is this girl? I have never met a mind I could not read, and it is vexing me completely. I have so many unanswered questions; I want to know what is going through her head!

How does she feel? Is she scared? What does she think of me? Wait, what? That shouldn't matter...she's a teenage girl, and they are all alike. Period.

"You're very welcome," Carlisle turns to the radio, "what would you like to listen to?"

"89.7 Please."

She chose the classical station? That's…surprising. Most teenage girls would choose the pop/rap station where they play the latest hits of 2006, Forks is a little bit behind the times.

Needless to say, I forego the local radio stations because of the crap they play. But, she listens to classical as well?

That is interesting? God, this is confusing. I think I have an overwhelming urge to get to know her.

Carlisle comes through the door after he situates her completely, bringing her scent with him.

No, I want to eat her, definitively, screw getting to know her. My mouth pools with venom at the thought.

As soon as my body moves a quarter of an inch back toward the door, I feel Carlisle's hand on my shoulder, pushing me back into place.

"What is WRONG with you?" He hisses.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Carlisle," I practically sneer.

I turn back to the window in front of me, watching as Bella slowly enters the MRI machine. I push the appropriate buttons, hearing the clicking and whirring as it begins examining every inch of her, inside and out.

What I wouldn't give to be that MRI machine, enveloping her body beneath mine, capturing her body and soul.

I sigh loudly which snaps me out of my daydream; I shake my head to clear my mind of that ridiculous desire.

It is almost laughable, she's human and I can crush her bones with my pinkie finger. Not to mention, I really, really, really want to eat her.

I can feel Carlisle's eyes burning into me, his thoughts questioning and accusing.

"I don't know why, Carlisle, I have never wanted another human's blood as much," I say answering his silent concerns.

"But, she is sick. She smells horrible," he doesn't understand.

"I know, but it is beyond that. If she had not been sick, I don't think I could or would have stopped myself," I answer honestly.

"I trust that you would have. You are stronger than you think, Edward," he reassures me, "It is interesting that she calls so strongly to you. You have never felt this before?"

"Never."

Carlisle's mind slips into thoughts of blood and singers, but I am too focused on the girl in the connecting room to pay attention. I close my eyes and clear my head, concentrating on her mind alone, but there is only silence.

I don't want to tell Carlise yet that I cannot hear her; my power has never failed me before. It makes me uneasy, but at the same time, I am excited by the challenge of unlocking her mind.

The MRI is over before it even began, and Carlisle moves back toward the door, his body and mind denying me of my Bella. Wait…my Bella?

I decide to just add that to my list of things to ponder later, so I can beat Carlisle to the door.

"I got this," I say, moving my pointer finger in a circle, encompassing the two rooms.

_Are you sure?_

I am getting fed up with his constant questions.

"Yes, you were right before, I can control myself," I add _maybe_ in my mind at the end, "you are her doctor though, feel free to come with me," I add, hoping he doesn't actually do it.

"Of course," he says kindly.

I nod at him, growling on the inside. Ass.

I am beside the machine, before it even begins to move her back out, waiting impatiently to see her face. The moment I can, I am overcome by a sense of elation.

She has fallen asleep, peacefully dreaming…of something I cannot see. Damn it!

"Bella," I whisper, "it's over."

Her eyes blink open, heavy with sleep. She looks up and focuses on my face; a small, shy smile slowly graces her lips.

"Beautiful," I murmur too quietly for her to hear. I can sense the shock the registers on Carlisle's face. Right now, I don't care that he heard me; I am shocked by the sentiment as well.

I can't stop a goofy, crooked, smile from forming which, for some reason, causes a blush to color her cheeks pink.

I can see the blood rushing to her face, inhaling her scent; I am once again dazzled by the potency of it.

I force myself to focus on the task at hand. Her body is completely out of the machine, and I my eyes from rake down her lithe frame, memorizing her curves.

Carlisle's clears his throat, and once again moves toward Bella, completely taking away my opportunity to touch her!

"Well, Bella, you stayed perfectly still. Good job! Edward will get the X-Rays together, and then we will have some more information this afternoon," Carlisle places his hands on her upper back, helping Bella into a sitting position.

I wanted to do that!

As he helps her down and back into the wheelchair, his thoughts are all directed at me and my strange behavior.

She situates herself, and looks up at me, waiting. Am I supposed to say something?

"Umm…I will bring by the X-Rays no later than three, I stumble over my words, "alright?"

She gives me another little smile and blush, "Sure. Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

For once, my brain is too slow to come up with a response. After Carlisle has already wheeled her half-way down the hall, I whisper, "It was my pleasure, Bella."

I work feverishly to have the X-Rays developed and ready to go. Before I go back up to her room, like always, I take time to look over them.

I am blown away by the extremity of her leukemia; it has spread completely through her body, invading her lungs, liver, kidneys and stomach. It's horrible, and she stands no chance.

I just found her, and I am going to lose her, in less than two months if my calculations are correct. Unfortunately, my calculations are always correct.

I know that I have been fighting the urge to kill her myself, but the idea of losing her so soon is highly disagreeable.

I have been feeling so strange all day, flipping through emotions quicker than my favorite Hemingway novel.

The indifference I hold onto so strongly is slowly slipping away when it comes to this girl. It's confusing, and I can't remember the last time I had to struggle for comprehension about anything.

I don't like it, but at the same time, I do.

See? Not only confusing, my emotions and thoughts are frustrating as well!

My mind and body are battling with conflicting feelings, and I lose myself in my internal struggle. I glance at the clock and see that it is almost three. I gather my things quickly, slipping on my coat, and I dash out of my office, ignoring Sally completely.

I run down the hallway faster than my normal, reserved human pace, thankful that this section of the hospital is almost never occupied. Tapping my foot loudly, I push the button on the elevator five times in succession. I give up after less than a second, and I run down the stairs. The elevator dings and opens on the fourth floor, but I am already outside of her room, following her scent.

I prepare myself in the hallway for the news I have to give her, mentally choosing the most appropriate words. If it was anyone else, I would just listen to their silent divulging of what is comforting and say that.

I can't do that for Bella; I wish I could.

I can hear Carlisle around the corner, arriving exactly on time. He knew I would as well.

When he is beside me outside her door, he mentally asks the question I have been pondering how best to answer.

_It's not good is it?_

I shake my head as I put my hand on the knob to open the door, forcing myself into the room.

Carlisle follows me, and as soon as he closes the door behind him, she looks up at us, reading our solemn expressions. She sighs, her shoulders rising involuntarily with the deep intake of breath and pushing back for protection into the hospital bed when she exhales. She sets her jaw, staring right into my eyes, and nods for me to begin.

* * *

**So, harder stuff to follow. I am not too versed in cancer and such, so I will keep it the convo in lament's terms. Please, review. Don't make me beg...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Here we are, Chapter Five! Once again, thank you to everyone who put me on alert or their favorites, and big thanks to everyone who reviewed! No one said they wanted the music for the chapters, and I was a little disappointed because I love the songs. I don't write with a particular song in my mind, but one might pop into my head or inspire me. This chapter's song is Willow Tree by Chad VanGaalen which is lovely beautiful! Look it up on the interwebs or iTunes.  
**

**Ummm...what else? Oh yeah, I do not own Twilight, duh.**

* * *

_Carlisle follows me, and as soon as he closes the door behind him, she looks up at us, reading our solemn expressions. She sighs, her shoulders rising involuntarily with the deep intake of breath and pushing back for protection into the hospital bed when she exhales. She sets her jaw, staring right into my eyes, and nods for me to begin. _

* * *

All my preparation in the hall flies out my head, and I am once again at a loss for words. I look down at the X-Rays, praying that something will pop into my head, comforting and soothing words to ease her into the death sentence I hold in my hands.

Her scent fills the room, burning my throat. This is her life, though; this is her life that I am inhaling. The pain is worth it.

"Well, Bella," I begin. Her name sounds strangled as it escapes my lips, "I have looked over your charts." I force myself to lift my eyes to her face; she deserves eye contact from me, especially now. "I am sorry to report that it does not look promising," I pause before I continue.

"Not promising?" she questions, furrowing her brows, "what does that mean exactly?"

Her voice doesn't waver or crack even though I can see the emotions are storming behind her deep brown eyes. She's keeping them hidden, holding them inside, protecting herself, controlling something in her uncontrollable situation. I understand; I do the same thing.

"It means that the cancer has spread to the majority of your organs," I take a deep breath, embracing the burn. Please, I think, give me this pain; let me take hers upon myself. "There are malignancies on your liver, kidneys, lungs and stomach."

"Is chemo out of the question?" she asks softly, seeming to already know the answer.

"No, but it is not recommended for a cancer as far gone as yours. Your body is too weak for chemotherapy," Carlisle says, reminding me of his presence in the room.

"Ok, well what about transplants, transfusions, something?" the desperate pain seeps out of her voice.

"We could put you on the transplant list, but you need multiple organs, and I do not believe we can stop the cancer from spreading further while you wait on the list. Transfusions would do nothing in this situation," Carlisle answers, "I'm afraid there is nothing else we can do except keep you as comfortable as possible."

I study Bella's face while her attention is on Carlisle, watching her reactions to his words. Her silent mind cannot hide the anger beginning to rise behind her eyes, twitching her muscles, clenching her jaw.

"Until I die," she looks up, "Right?" Her voice is more forceful than before, rage pulsing behind each word, "that's what you're saying, right?" her voice drops to near silence at the realization, "I'm dying."

Her heart beat rises as she begins to panic, each beat calling out to me on so many different levels.

Her face drops, unshed tears welling in her eyes. She puts her right hand on her face, covering her eyes, blocking the fluorescent light, enveloping herself in darkness.

She struggles to catch her breath as her panic increases. She takes ten quick, shallow intakes of air through her nose before she can finally control her breathing. She concentrates completely on the next five ones, inhaling deeply through her nose and out of her mouth, letting the oxygen reach her lungs and circulate in her blood.

I can almost feel my dead, still heart pulse with her every intake, aching for her in a way I never knew possible, in a way I don't completely understand.

She finally steadies her breath, and her heart beat slows back to normal. She twists her left hand into the bed sheets, anchoring herself into the present and, I suppose, into the pain.

Bella removes her hand from her eyes and grips the support rail next to her, digging her fingernails hard into her palm. Her eyes close tighter at the sensation, maybe she needs it, needs to know she can feel it; I can't be sure.

She eventually releases her grip, unclenching her fist from around the rail. Four red crescent moon indentions decorate her skin, cutting her life line in half, mockingly appropriate but complete bullshit at the same time.

She didn't break the skin, at least, and I release the tension from my shoulders I didn't even realize was there.

"How long do I have?" she purses her lips tightly together, restricting blood flow, turning them white.

"Well, we can't be one hundred percent sure," Carlisle pauses, and Bella once again interjects.

"How long," she asks, her tone pleading. She opens her eyes, locking them on mine, completely ignoring Carlisle, searching for something in my golden irises.

"I would say from the percentage of your body that is affected and the aggressiveness of this type of leukemia," I look toward Carlise, and he nods for me to continue. I return her stare, her eyes imploring, "two months. I believe you have two months" I break her stare again to glance down at my X-Rays, hiding my cowardice behind the charts in my hands.

I can feel her eyes burning a hole into the top of my head, but I am too selfish, too weak to look back up to reestablish eye contact. I am not strong enough for her; the intensity scares me.

"Two months?" she repeats, her voice rising into a question.

I force my eyes upward, and nod once her entire face is visible.

"TWO MONTHS!" she practically screams, causing vibrations from her voice to bounce off my body and the walls. She looks down at her hands in her lap, and I can see her shoulder slightly trembling. Her breathing is shallow and rapid, and little, mewing sounds escape from her lips.

Don't cry. Please don't cry, Bella. I won't be able to handle it.

Her noises get louder, and her whole body shakes. She clenches her hands into tight, little fists as the first guffaw breaks through. She claps her hand over her mouth and her eyes grow wide in shock, but she doesn't stop. She can't stop.

"Are you serious," she laughs, quietly at first, but it quickly turns hysterical and manic. Her body shakes uncontrollably as she gasps for air. "I would be the one to get cancer," she interjects between the rolls of laughter, "Go figure. It is just my luck, you know?" She clutches her side, trying to get herself under control, but failing as another wave crashes through her body. "I don't know why I'm laughing!" she snickers.

"God," she gasps, "this," she chortles out the next word, "SUCKS!"

She inhales through her nose, her wild laughter slowing as she exhales, and it quickly turns into giant sobs, racking her body, heaving from her soul.

She lifts her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms tightly around them. Her breathing evens out, but she continues crying, each shudder, sigh and tear stabbing through my heart, burning worse than her scent ever could.

I am not sure how long she continues crying, clinging to herself, but it seems like forever. And, when you have eternal life, you don't use that phrase lightly.

Her sobs eventually diminish though, leaving behind little whimpers and sniffles as she regains control over her emotions. She doesn't move her body out of the tight ball, defensively protecting herself from the rest of the world, but she does glance back up at us, her eyes swollen and red from the tears that stain her cheeks.

She is still beautiful, even in her pain.

We each wait for someone else to speak, silence filling the room. I don't know what to say.

"I cannot imagine how hard it is to receive this kind of news," Carlisle's finally breaks the eerie silence, his tone is comforting and calm, "Would you like to wait for a parent or loved one before we continue?"

Bella turns her head to stare out the window, her face tense and withdrawn. She slightly shakes her head in response to Carlisle's question; anger flashes in her eyes.

"We just want to make you as comfortable as we can for these next few months. Your immune system is very weak, so I would like to keep you in the hospital. You will need oxygen at times and constant care. I also want to limit your exposure with others as much as possible. If I cannot help, I would like Edward to assist you."

He pauses, his mind wondering if she is going to protest. I want to know as well.

"We can also get you emotional assistance to help you deal with everything," he says, causing her to break her stare out the window, her eyes filled with doubt.

"Like a therapist?" she questions.

"Yes, someone you could talk to about all the changes you are and will be going through," he answers.

"Changes?" her eyes flash, "From what you're saying, the only change I have to look forward to is death," she says, her voice strong, "I mean, that's a pretty big change, but there's nothing I can do, and apparently, nothing you can do. So, why would I need therapy?"

What? She's giving up? I know it's a fruitless fight, but it can be a fight none the less.

"Well," Carlisle clears his throat unnecessarily, "if that is what you want, but please hear me out."

He waits for her to acknowledge him, and she nods for him to continue, fixing her attention on a point between the two of us.

"Everything, and I mean everything, you are feeling is completely justified. It is normal to be angry, upset with God, depressed, confused, or anything else. This is a horrible situation that you have been placed in. You are too young, and it is not fair. It is fine to feel like that, but it can be overwhelming when you are dealing with it by yourself, keeping it all inside. That is why I am recommending therapy, so you don't have to struggle by yourself. We will also be here every step of the way. You are not alone."

Carlisle finishes his speech, his emotions ringing true in his mind and voice.

Bella closes her eyes, and clenches them tightly shut for two seconds before she opens them to look right us.

"We all die alone, Dr. Cullen," there is no quaver in her words, no sign of tears, "I am not going to be so ignorant as to say that I won't have moments where I am upset, angry or depressed, but I don't need therapy," her eyes flicker back and forth between us as she continues, "I have known I was sick for some time now, for about a year, but I didn't say anything. I don't know why I never went to the doctor, or why I never told someone my suspicions. I don't have the time to analyze why or question my every action that led me here," she pauses, and a single tear escapes, staining her face. I would cry for her if I could; I want to.

She takes another deep breath, bracing her body for an invisible impact, "And, I don't want to waste the time I have crying and complaining in front of a therapist. I don't have the time," she stresses her last sentence, moving her eyes to mine, not breaking her stare, not even to blink.

I have never been in a situation like this before, where I had no idea what to do or say. Her reactions and emotions have been all over the place, evading me, destroying my preconceived notion of the teenage human girl. She laughed, cried and then accepted her sentence in under an hour.

Every human in this place, even when they are not dying, is begging or condemning God, regretting decisions and feeling sorry for themselves. I have never come across anyone who just came to terms with death so nonchalantly.

Trust me, death is scary. I am death.

Bella's next few words remove me from my own head, proving once again I have no idea what she is thinking. I would give anything to just glance inside her mind.

"I just want to be as happy as possible for the time I have," she continues. "For some reason, I never made plans after high school. I am in my final months of my senior year, but I didn't apply to any colleges," she takes a deep breath before she speaks again. Her voice is a low whisper, doubt audible in her words, but at the same time, I can hear the conviction as well that she knew she would die so young.

"My life has always felt temporary, like I wasn't supposed to grow old, and maybe I have been living on borrowed time?" her voice gets louder at the end, questioning her feelings, questioning her life.

It's not fair how fleeting her life is, a mere flash of light across the sky before she burns out into nothing, complete darkness.

She addresses us again, calm, collected, and utterly brave, "I just want to be as happy as possible for the rest of my time here. I don't want to be angry."

Our eyes catch, her brown burning into my gold, and a small, closed lip smile forms on her full lips, her top lip is slightly larger than the bottom, causing her innocent smile to look like a playful yet sultry smirk. Beautiful.

I return it with a crooked smile of my own, but it doesn't reach my eyes. The blood rushes to her cheeks again, and my venom returns, my constant reminder of what I truly am, a killer.

Bella is better off dead than around me, but the moment that thought enters my mind, her cold, lifeless body splayed before me in my head, a feeling of despair washes over my entire body, almost literally dragging my body to the ground under the weight of it.

My emotions are, I realize, as flittering as Bella's, but they just change too quickly for her to discern. I can gather from Carlisle's thoughts, though, that my strange behavior has not gone unnoticed by him.

I am going to have to stay away from Bella for her safety and for my sanity. It's going to be hard; she draws me in completely.

Tears suddenly fill Bella's eyes, brimming over the edge, staining her cheeks, but she never stops smiling.

She closes her eyes, squeezing out the last few salty drops, and takes a deep breath. She opens her eyes, lifting both hands to her cheeks, wiping away the wetness. She examines the pads of her fingers, the moisture glittering as the light bounces off of the remnants of her tears. She then gently traces the peaks and valleys of her fingers on her left hand with her right pointer finger, slowly examining each joint and crease, a semi-sad smile gracing her face the entire time.

My eyes never leave her hands, mesmerized by the path of her finger. I wish I knew what she was thinking. I wish it was my finger, my hands, gliding along her skin, up her arm, her neck, every inch of her face. I wish my cold touch wouldn't repulse her, but it would give her chills in more way than one…frozen terror. I also don't think I could put my hands on her without hurting her, the urge to strike, to feed, would be too strong.

She suddenly holds both hands in front of her face, examining every inch, flipping them over, moving each finger, each joint. She claps them together, resting her chin on her intertwined fingers. She sighs, and glances back up at us, cheeks tinting pink with slight embarrassment, as though she forgot we were here.

_Edward, you're staring at the poor girl. Close your mouth._

I blink out of my trance at Carlisle's thoughts, unaware that I was staring, forcing my attention away from the creature before me, shutting my mouth, breathing in her sickly yet sweet scent. It burns my throat, but this time, the fact that I am killer is not what pops into my head. It's a reminder to me that she is still here, breathing, her heart beating, alive.

She smiles again, a full smile this time.

"I just want to be happy." She nods as though confirming the thought in her head.

"We will make you as comfortable as possible," Carlisle smiles at her.

I nod in agreement, wishing I could do so much more, but knowing I will have to keep my distance from the temptation in the bed before me.

"It will be my pleasure to be your doctor," Carlisle says warmly, "I will be back in about an hour to go over more information with you."

"Sounds like a date," she replies.

I frown at the thought as I follow Carlisle out the door, fighting the urge to stay forever.

* * *

**Well, what do you think? I appreciate every review, and in return for your opinion, I will get you a peek into Bella's head. It will be in my reply to your review, and that is the only way you will get it! If I get twenty reviews (fingers crossed), you will also get a sneak peak of the next chapter. What do you say? Have you been properly bribed?!? Just click below. It will be quick and painless. I promise...**


	6. Chapter 6

**I again want to thank everyone who is reading this. I have had about 180 people visit my story since posting Chapter Five, and forty of you have added me to your favorites or to your story alert! BUT I only got FIVE reviews. Those five, Mombailey, Waiting for Mr. Right, delutina, lovelessforever,unofficialscript and alyshia-jean, got to peak into Bella's head! I can send it to you as well in exchange for a review on Chapter Five. You know you want to, so come on, all the cool kids are doing it...**

**Also, if you want my playlist for the story so far, just review, and let me know. I will either send it to you, or post it soon. The song I chose for Chapter Six is....**

**Tightrope by Yeasayer**

**And, you know it already, but I do not own Twilight, like at all.  
**

* * *

For the rest of the day, images of Bella run through my mind, Bella laughing hysterically, crying, smiling and, my favorite, blushing. Bella blushing is such a beautiful sight, and it makes my mouth fill with venom, tantalizing me with the memory of her scent.

Everything she said earlier in the day is on a constant loop, replaying again and again in my thoughts, making everything else around me hard to tolerate, even more so than normal.

She just wants to be happy! What a simple and beautiful request, but at the same time, true happiness is one of the most difficult achievements anyone, vampire and human alike, can attain. I cannot recall a time in my entire existence where I was just happy, as is.

Bella constantly beguiles me, with her silent mind and genuine outpours of emotion. Her face is an open book, but I can never be sure what the next page holds. She's the greatest mystery I have ever encountered.

Around the time he is supposed to be having his "date" with Bella, I direct my attention down one floor, tuning into Carlisle. An unfamiliar feeling courses through my body at the idea of them on a date, confusing me further. Why does that idea bother me so much?

Hmm, it must be for Esme's sake…yeah, that's it, most likely.

I smile, figuratively patting myself on the back for solving my internal struggle, and turn my complete concentration to the floor below me when I hear Carlisle knock on her door.

"Come in," she says, her voice gravely with sleep. I guess she took a nap.

"Hello again," Carlisle says as he opens the door. He walks toward her, stopping far enough away to not cause her alarm. Humans can get very uncomfortable, to say the least, when we are too close.

"Where is Ed…the other Dr. Cullen?" she asks.

She wants to know where I am! Why? Should I go down there?

Wait…was she about to call me Edward?!?

I am already out of my chair and at the door, but Carlisle lets her and I know I am not joining them this time.

I guess that's for the best.

I am determined to stay away from her, for both of our sakes.

"I just wanted to take this time to answer any questions you may have. Also, I hope you've had time to think about what you would like to do next," he says, never one to shy away from the hard topics.

"What I would like to do next?" she asks, confusion registering in her tone.

"Yes, it is not mandatory that you stay at the hospital, Bella. Although, I recommend that you do; it will be more comfortable for you in the long run," he answers, "though, I cannot force you to stay if you wish to leave."

I wish I was down there, comforting her, watching her feelings play out across her face.

I close my eyes, focusing on only seeing what Carlisle sees, and I am not disappointed. Bella is in her bed before me, well… before Carlisle, biting her bottom lip, her teeth digging into the supple flesh. As the image flashes in my mind, a light chill, kind of like an electric shock, runs through my body, making me shudder.

Hmmm…that was a…new sensation…very different. It wasn't bad, just different…

When she releases her lip from the confines of her own teeth, I'm brought out of my own body, and back into Carlisle's head. Her lip is red and swollen, and it's consuming my focus. If I didn't have my extra sensory abilities, I would have missed out entirely on her response.

"I have no reason to go home," she gives me…umm, I mean Carlisle…a small smile, "so, I'll stay. As long as it's covered by father's insurance; I don't want to be a burden to him."

"I'm sure he would never think you were a burden," Carlisle responds quickly, "this situation is by no means your fault."

"Oh, I know. I just," she pauses, "it would probably be easiest on my parents if I stay at the hospital."

"Is that what _you_ want?" Carlisle stresses.

Yes, Bella, what do you want?

How can she be thinking of everyone else right now? She is like no other human I have ever met, and she might actually be the saving grace for the whole generation of hormonal monsters, better known at the teenage girl.

"I just want to be happy Dr. Cullen," she replies, turning her head to stare out the window, "so, yes, staying here would be best."

"Do you have any more questions?" Carlisle asks, his mind filled with compassion for the young girl in front of him.

She bites her bottom lip again, and shakes her head.

"I'll be back again soon. The nurses will let me know if you need anything, so please don't hesitate to ask."

With that, Carlisle turns and walks out of the room, taking my ability to see Bella with him.

I continue to think about her for the rest of the day at the hospital, blocking off my time in intervals all things Bella.

**3:00pm - 3:15pm: **Imagine what Bella would taste like.

**3:15pm - 3:45pm:** Force myself to think of anything else besides what she tastes like, trying to get my thirst under control.

**3:45pm - 3:55pm: **Scan the hallway outside her door, hoping to pick up Bella in someone's thoughts.

**3:55pm to 4:00pm: **Contemplate Bella's relationship with her parents.

**4:01pm: **Determine to not let Bella consume my thoughts.

**4:02pm: **Give up on that plan, exasperated.

**4:02 pm - 6:00pm: **Spend time convincing myself to stay away from Bella.

**6:00 pm:** Go home, and hope Carlisle will be able to understand that I cannot help with her, at all.

I decide to run home, delaying an inevitable conversation with Carlisle about my plan to stay away from Bella.

Anyways, she's better off without me lurking around her, thirsting for her, craving her.

As I distance myself from the hospital and from her, I can feel my control slowly come back. I am determined to make tomorrow a new day, so I can be strong enough to leave her alone. Bella wants to be happy, and staying away will be my way of contributing to her happiness.

As I weave through the trees in the forest surrounding our home, I have a sudden desire to visit one of my favorite spots. Taking a sharp left, I run toward my destination as quickly as my feet will carry me.

When I reach the edge of the trees, I smile to myself; it has been far too long since I have visited my meadow, my perfect circle of tranquility, located far enough away from our home and from the rest of civilization that I can be alone in my head, no voices, thoughts or visions.

I step out of the protection of the forest, and into the sunlight, warming my cold body in the gentle rays. I lift my hand in front of my face, examining the way my skin sparkles unnaturally in the light.

The image of Bella doing the same thing earlier, admiring her own tiny hands, pops into my head.

I wonder what she was thinking about then?

I shake my head to clear my mind of all things Bella. If I keep having random thoughts about her, staying away will be a lot more difficult.

I am not sure where my fascination with her stems from. Maybe it is my desire for her blood, or maybe it's the fact that she is the first person whose mind is completely silent to me.

All I do know is my feelings and thoughts are more jumbled today than they have ever been, fleeting, changing constantly.

I walk into the middle of the meadow, and I lift my face, closing my eyes. A small smile graces my face, and I cannot remember ever enjoying the warmth of the sun more than at this very instant.

In this moment, I know happiness, and it is as fleeting as it is miraculous.

Now that I have felt it, I want it again, but I have no idea how to go about it. I do know though, that if that feeling is what Bella wants, she deserves it, and I want to help her get it.

I am still going to stay away from her, of course, but I will do everything in my power to fill her last few months with as much happiness as possible. I just have to figure out how to do that without ever coming into contact with her; it should be easy enough.

I pull myself off the ground, wiping the specks of dirt off my trousers, and continue on my way home.

When I am within leaping distance from the house, I get the urge to hunt, but I don't think I want to do it alone. I haven't wanted company while hunting for years now, and the second I decide to invite my siblings to hunt, a high-pitched squeal is released from inside the house.

It's even piercing to my ears, and I'm outside!

Footsteps quickly follow, and Alice bursts out the front door, grinning from ear to ear.

"Come on, everyone," Alice yells to the occupants of the house, her thoughts impatient, "Edward wants to hunt, so let's goooo!!"

"Alice, the others don't have the ability to see my plans the moment I make them, so you should cut them some slack. Give them a minute," I direct at her, obvious amusement in my voice.

She turns back toward me, and her eyes grow wide with excitement. Before I even have time to read her thoughts, she is charging toward me, throwing her arms around my waist, hugging me tightly.

_I'm so happy for you Edward!_

I pull back from the hug, raising my eyebrows in question.

_I know I told you this morning I wanted to hear all about it, but I can wait. I promise. You will tell me soon enough!_

Even in her mind, she sounds like she is singing, enthusiasm buzzing in her thoughts.

Jasper is the first to come into the yard, strolling casually out the door. He smiles at Alice who is practically jumping in circles around me before directing his thoughts at me.

_Edward, I can't remember the last time you felt this way. _

"What way is that?" I ask

_Content and relaxed, there is a tinge of guilt and sadness, but, overall, your emotions are good. _

I smile at him, "I am just ready to hunt."

He gives me a knowing smile, and walks toward Alice, throwing his arm around her shoulders, calming her down a little with his gift.

"WAIT!" a booming command comes from inside, "I want to come!"

Not two seconds later, Emmett barges out of the house, pumping his fists in the air.

I roll my eyes, but decide not to say anything about his antics.

I take off, jumping the stream, disappearing into the woods. I can hear my sibling behind me, laughing, dashing in front of one another, enjoying each other's company.

Smiling, I climb the tree in front of me, scrambling up the limbs. I wait until they are underneath me, and I spring off of the branch I am currently crouched on, launching myself at Emmett's large back, knocking him to the ground.

I jump off of the ground and pump my fists into the air, mimicking Emmett's earlier actions.

"Oooh," Emmett growls, "I am going to get you for that, Eddie."

I take off before he even has a chance to get off the ground, weaving through the trees, laughing lightly and carefree.

I stop suddenly, picking up the scent of my favorite predator about 100 yards away. I stealthily move through the underbrush, silently stalking the giant cat. The Mountain Lion finally notices my presence as it hisses and swipes it claws in my direction, but it is too late for him. He stands no chance against me.

I circle my prey, enjoying the thrill of the hunt, embracing my instinct. I spring at the animal, slicing my razor sharp teeth through its fur and skin, taking my time to enjoy the feeling of the warm blood flowing down my throat.

I drain my dinner, savoring the taste, and bury the body under a giant boulder.

Wiping my mouth, I look around for the other members of my family, having lost track of them while I was eating.

I can hear him coming, but before I have time to react to Emmett's plan, I am flying through the air, finally slamming into a giant Spruce, cracking the tree in half.

_I told you I would get you back. I can't believe I caught you off guard!!_

Emmett's mind is gleeful as he runs back toward our home. I wait a moment, letting him get a head start because I'm the fastest in the family, and I know I can catch up easily. Also, I kind of deserved retaliation, and I am in no hurry to start some sort of prank war with Emmett.

I chase after him, running behind him until I can hear the stream, and then I pick up my speed, flying past him, winning the unofficial race.

_Hey, man, I thought I was going to beat you. _

I enter through the back door, laughing lightly about my victory and Emmett's whining tone.

I wander toward my piano with a sudden desire to play coursing through my body. I sit down at the bench, placing my fingers on the keys. I close my eyes, hearing a new melody flowing in my head, and I can practically see the notes as they whiz by.

Carlisle enters the room before I have the chance to write any of it down, but with my photographic memory, I know I won't forget it.

"Edward, we need to talk about today," he says, his voice stern.

I spin around on the bench, nodding my consent, and follow him up the stairs.

* * *

**So, what do you think? Do you have any questions? Who wants to go hunting?!? Leave me a review for Chapter Six, and I will give you another peek into Bella's head. I will send it in my reply to the review, and it is going to get STEAMY!!** I**f I get twenty reviews for Chapter Six, I will send everyone a taste of Chapter Seven where Confuseward and I'mdoingitforherowngoodward (yeah, I just went there) come into play. **


	7. Chapter 7

**I wasn't planning on putting this out today, but here it is!! I am so appreciative of everyone who is reading and added me to alert or faves. I don't think I can say it enought. Of course, I LOVE each review I got, and I hope everyone enjoyed the little peek into Bella's head. I had fun writing it :) If you are a first time reader or just someone who has not reviewed, go back and review Chapters Five and Six and I will send it to you as well! Just do it. It will make us both happy, TRUST ME!!**

**This week's song is Down the Line by Jose Gonzelez. Buy it. You won't be sorry. Did anyone listen to the last chapter's song? Let me know if you did!**

**Also, I don't own Twilight. Ya'll are smart cookies though, so I bet you already knew that!**

* * *

_I spin around on the bench, nodding my consent, and follow him up the stairs._

* * *

Carlisle's thoughts are quiet on the way to his study, so I cannot be sure what this lecture will exactly entail. I know, though, it will probably have to do with my reactions to Bella today, but Carlisle's opinion can be quite surprising sometimes.

He opens the door, waiting until I am through to close it behind us. He gestures for me to take a seat, and we each sit at the same time, the large mahogany desk the only barrier between us.

"I believe you already know why I want to speak with you this evening," he starts.

"Well, Carlisle," I reply, "I realize my behavior today was a little off, but I don't think a lecture is necessary."

"Off?" he questions, "Edward, I could smell your venom, your eyes were completely black and at one point, you growled at me!"

"I just went hunting with the others, so I shouldn't have those problems tomorrow," I say, sighing.

"I don't understand. She smells horrible, but you said earlier that you desired her blood like never before?" he asks, trying to understand.

"I told you. I have never felt like that before. It was insane. I could smell the, for lack of better words, spoiled smell from the cancer, but it was like it didn't matter!" I exclaim. "At one point, I was even angry that she smelled bad because I can only imagine how amazing she would smell if she was healthy!"

I slam my fist on his desk, splintering the edge, "Damn it, Carlisle, I wanted to rip her out of that MRI machine this afternoon and drain her! I would have, too, if she was not sick. I would have murdered that poor girl today," my voice trails off at the end, bothered by truthful emission.

I put my head in my hands, disappointed with myself. I have never been so worked up about a human before. Granted, I don't think I have ever been this worked up before.

"Have you ever heard of a Singer?" Carlisle asks me quietly.

I don't remove my face from my palms, shaking my head back and forth; I give a muffled reply, "I'm sure you don't mean Pavarotti, so no."

I finally sit back up, trying to relax my body into the chair. It doesn't work.

"You're right. I am not speaking of an actual singer, but of a human whose blood 'sings' for a vampire," he actually uses air quotes.

I never thought I would see the day.

I raise my eyebrow at him, "Well, what does that 'entail?'" I ask, using my own set of air quotes.

Carlisle clears his throat, "if you are finished mocking me, I was about to tell you."

I nod for him to continue, smirking.

"I believe that Bella Swan is your singer, but her natural scent has been greatly diminished by the cancer that, as you know, is unfortunately eating her alive from the inside."

"So, by her being my Singer, she was what?" I ask, "Destined for me to kill her?"

"I believe that we make our own destinies, but, yes, in a way, I suppose that is what I am saying." he says.

Carlisle stands up and walks to his bookshelf. His fingers trail the spines until he finds what he is looking for. He opens it, flipping through the pages. He stops near the middle, and skims the text until he stops, tapping his finger down in confirmation.

"Ah, yes, I knew this was here."

I am starting to lose my patience.

"What did you find?" I ask through gritted teeth.

_You could feel yourself almost lose control? Her blood called to you like no other before?_

I nod tersely to his silent questions.

We have already gone over this!

"When I was in Italy with the Volturi, I remember Aro speaking of the power of _La Tua Cantante_," he walks back to the desk, sitting back down, "At the time, I was not sure of what he was speaking. He mentioned it in passing, not going into detail, and I did not want to ask any unnecessary questions," he looks back at me.

"Years later, I came across the same concept in this book," he slides the book across the desk, "and, I think you might be interested in what it says."

I look down at the page before me, reading quickly yet thoroughly.

"So," I close the book in my lap, "When a vampire finds his 'Singer,' he or she never survives."

I can't help but use air quotes again, causing Carlisle to give my reprimanding look.

_This is serious, Edward. Enough with the air quotes. _

"You did it first, Carlisle," I say, unsuccessfully hiding my amusement.

_Edward!_

I put both my hands up in defeat.

"Well," Carlisle says, annoyance leaking into his tone, "if we can get back to the subject at hand?"

I nod, handing the book back to him.

"You have done something extraordinary today, Edward. According to this text and my short conversation with Aro, you should have been overcome by blood lust the moment you smelled Bella," Carlisle declares.

"She's sick though. I could only control myself because her scent is almost completely masked. I didn't really do anything," I sigh, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Please look at me," he pleads. I glance back up.

"Edward, I saw the way you reacted to her, and I saw the control you asserted to get yourself through the situation. You showed more restraint today than I have ever seen," his tone is filled with pride.

His faith in me is unwavering and wholly undeserved.

"There is something I left out today about my 'fascination' with Bella," I say, uncomfortable with the information I am about to admit.

_I thought we were done with the air quotes._

"Yes, we are. Sorry," I look back at him guiltily. I take a deep unneeded breath.

"I can't hear her mind," I mumble, speaking so quickly I am surprised he can make out what I said.

"She is completely silent to you?" he asks, pondering this information.

"Yes and my ability has never not worked before. It's unnerving, and at the same time…" I trail off.

"Edward?" Carlisle questions me.

_What are you not telling me?_

"Well, like I said, it's unnerving, not being able to hear her, but at the same time," I take a deep breath, "I-find-it-very-attractive," I breathe out, spitting the sentence out as if it were one word.

I am overwhelmed by what I just said, actually said out loud. I'm admitting the truth to myself as much as I'm admitting it to Carlisle.

I am attracted to Bella Swan. Now, how far this attraction goes, I can't be sure, and I don't intend to find out.

"Attractive?" he questions, furrowing his brow.

I nod, widening my eyes, trying to get him to silently understand me.

"Oh. I see," he says, contemplating this new information.

I cringe internally.

"I always wondered that maybe you were too young when I changed you," he starts.

I interrupt, "Yes, Carlisle, I already know that."

He smiles at me. "This is a good thing."

"A good thing?" I question, throwing my hands into the air.

"Edward, you are attracted to someone," he states, speaking slowly as if I can't understand, "albeit, you have gotten yourself into a hopeless situation with this girl."

I sigh and my shoulders slump in defeat.

"I know, and I am resigned to stay away from her. My decision is made."

"**WHAT?!?**"

I rest my chin on my fist, shaking my head slightly, as Alice crashes through the door of Carlisle's study.

"What?" she asks again, thankfully she has brought it down a few decibels.

"Alice," is the only word I get out before she starts talking at me, pacing the room.

"You can't Edward! The future is set. I have seen it, and you were SO happy this afternoon. Can't you see that? I mean, what will it take to get it through your thick skull? This is how it is supposed to be!" she finally stops, dramatically throwing her hands in the air.

Carlisle smirks, his mind replaying an image of me doing the same thing not five minutes ago.

I growl at him, and he drops the smirk, clearing his throat to cover his small chuckle.

"Alice," he says, "please calm down."

Alice spins to face him, lifting an accusatory finger, "And you, Carlisle!" she exclaims, "I told you this morning to step aside, but did you? NO!"

"Alice, I don't understand," he states calmly, trying to not upset her further.

I can't help the small scoff that escapes my lips. Alice on a rampage is a lot more fun when it's directed at someone else.

"I said this morning that I hoped you would step aside. Edward was going to be in control of the situation, but you stepped in and took over the MRI. You successfully thwarted the course they were going to take. Congra-freaking-lations!" she finishes sarcastically.

"It is **my** decision to stay away from her, Alice," I emphasis. "I'm sorry if you saw that I was somehow going to entangle mine and Bella's futures together, but, I assure you, it will not be happening now!" I pause, trying to think of the best way to convey my reasons and feelings through my words.

"She does not deserve to have me coming in and destroying what little time she has left," I finally say, my words quiet yet resigned.

"But, Edward," she whines, "Don't you see? You were so happy this afternoon. This won't destroy anything…"

"Enough," I interrupt.

_Do you need some help with her?_

"Please Jasper," I say, thankful for his silent offering.

Jasper slinks through the door not even a second later, calming the entire room with his presence.

"Alright darlin,' they need to finish their conversation," He put his arm around her, directing her out the room.

"But Jasper," she tries to reason, "they aren't listening to me. Edward is messing everything up!!"

Her voice raises, indignation ringing in her words.

She stops walking, shutting her eyes when the vision starts. It's muddled, streaked with gray, and I can't make anything definite out. Then, there is an image, clear as day.

A headstone.

"Did you see that, Edward?" Alice asks, "Are you happy now?"

"Happy would not be the word to describe my feelings, Alice." I reply. No, I was fortunate enough to feel happiness this afternoon, and this feeling is the extreme opposite.

She storms out of the room, but Jasper remains, rooted in his spot.

He puts his hands in his hair, exhaling harshly. He looks up at me, his eyes filled with pain, mirroring my own.

"I'm sorry Jasper," I say, trying to get my emotions under control. I take a deep breath to help center myself.

_Edward, that was horrible! You were in such agonizing pain. What caused such a violent outpouring of your emotions like that? What did Alice see?_

"She just saw the future, Jasper, the way it was always meant to be." I answer him, my mouth so taut the words are barely recognizable.

"Excuse me," I say, standing and leaving the room as quickly as possible.

I don't even bother with the door as I jump out the window, escaping my emotions, the truth and the future.

_It's still not set in stone, Edward. Please remember that!_

Alice silent words are the last thing I hear as I run through the trees, distancing myself from everyone, from everything. Her parting words tumble through my mind, taunting me, pushing me to run further, faster.

When I reach the Alaska state line, I finally stop, her words repeating constantly in my thoughts.

It may not be set in stone right now, but, trust me, it will be.

I'll make sure of it.

* * *

**Oh, Edward. *Sighs**

**Leave me a review...please. If you do, I will let you experience one of Alice's important visions! Who doesn't want a little Alice POV?? Come on, don't be scared. **

**Also, if anyone wants to make my a banner for LJ and hopefully Twilighted (keep you fingers crossed that they will get back in touch with me soon), I would really like that. A lot.**

**:)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Once again, I am so appreciative of everyone who reviewed, and I hope that you enjoyed your Alice POV. There was a small tidbit in there that was VERY IMPORTANT!! So, if you want to know why she was so angry with Edward last chapter, all if you have to do is send me a review for Chapter Seven!! **

**Alright, well prepare for Emoward, I really don't have Emo music in my library, so I am making this week's song Ocean of Noise by Arcade Fire. I think it is a little haunting yet beautiful. I would love to know what you think.**

**What else, what else...hmm....oh, yeah, I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

_When I reach the Alaska state line, I finally stop, her words repeating constantly in my thoughts._

_It may not be set in stone right now, but, trust me, it will be._

_I'll make sure of it._

_

* * *

  
_

I wander around the Alaskan wilderness for hours, not actively seeking any particular destination.

There is no one around, and I have the rare opportunity to be alone in my head. That is something I have learned to not take for granted.

Most days, it can be hard for me to distinguish my thoughts from the those of the people around me, difficult to separate myself from the crowd.

It can be quite frustrating, to say the least. I know of one mind that would grant me peace while we were together, but she is far away from me now.

I know running away is not the answer. It's weak and pathetic, but what else am I supposed to do?

Carlisle believes that I should have been unable to control myself, and I should have murdered Bella Swan. He's proud that I didn't, of course, but still, he would have understood.

And, Alice, well she was blocking her mind from me before the last vision, the one with the…headstone, so I am not sure what she saw. I know she is disappointed that her vision changed, but, if Bella's death is what comes from my leaving, then I did the right thing.

Not that I want her to die; I don't want that at all. The thought of it makes me want to die, to step into the fire, to let myself burn completely.

It is just the natural order of things. It is life and death, and I am not the one who gets to decide the outcome.

So, obviously, if she is my Singer, her destiny is to die by my hands, as dramatic as that sounds, but since I am no longer a murderer, fate had to step in.

Cruel, sadistic fate.

I can't help the sigh that escapes my lips. When I breathe in, I pick up the scent of a Grizzly Bear about two hundred yards Northeast, but, unlike the Mountain Lion earlier, I don't even have the slightest urge to go after this beast.

I know I was different today after meeting her; my siblings noticed it as well. I laughed and joked. I felt happiness.

I also felt what I am now only beginning to understand is desire.

Desire…what a strange feeling.

I have lived now for one hundred long years, and I have never felt its wanting pull before.

I have craved blood, destruction, war, inner peace and contentment.

I have wanted cars, music, quiet and alone time.

I have needed to hunt, to run and to kill.

Yet, I have never desired love before recently, and I am not ignorant enough to presume I will find love, well, until her.

Bella Swan.

I don't love her, though. I don't even know her, except that she is the most unselfish creature I have ever met, she has a tinkering laugh, a beautiful blush, deep and expressive eyes, a lovely face…

**NO!** I don't love her; I can't! It is just an infatuation. It has to be!

I growl, frustrated with my thoughts and stupid emotions.

It really doesn't even matter what I feel!

I don't deserve her, but I don't want to stay away.

That is why I must.

Shit. I am confusing even to myself.

I start running again, pushing my body as fast as it can go, needing to be far away from my own mind.

I can get away from others, but I will never be able to escape myself.

Before I even realize where I am, I am lunging at the Grizzly, slicing its throat, feeding my guilt with its blood.

I drain it, and bury its body under the snow. I am unnaturally full, and I can feel the blood warming me, sloshing inside me with every step I take.

It does nothing to ease my mind.

Every thought, every action, every need, want and desire is because of her. I have known her for less than a day, a mere blip on the radar of my life, but she has changed me, irrevocably.

I reach out for something, anything, whatever is near, and I find a large Spruce. I rip it from the earth, from the only home it has ever known, hurling it into its brothers and sisters of the forest.

It doesn't help.

I put my hands in my hair, tugging as harshly as I can, needing to feel pain on my unpenetrable body.

A loud guttural growl rises from my chest, vibrating my throat and lips with its force. I crouch into a defensive position, clawing my hands, and I have never felt more like an animal, more out of control.

Snarling through gritted teeth, my breath heavy, I stand, lifting my arms toward the sky, gripping my hands into tight fists.

I shout out in aggravation, unburdening myself through the feral noises coming from my mouth.

It feels cathartic, so I continue, snarling, yelling, existing.

I don't know how long I stand in the forest, screaming, purging my emotions onto the deaf ears of the trees surrounding me. At some point I fall to my knees, soaking my pants in the snow.

None of it matters.

My phone rings, breaking me out of my vocal trance. I stand and lower my arms to my side, not releasing my fists.

I continue to growl as I try to get my body under control. My shoulders heave, shaking with each breath, each unneeded pull of oxygen.

I let myself fall backwards, burying myself under the snow.

My phone continues to ring. I ignore it as it beeps, letting me know I have a message.

It can wait.

I am finally calm again, silent, lost under the white powder.

Bella Swan what have you done to me?

Everything I have known about myself she has uprooted. She has ripped me out of the normalcy of my mundane existence as easily as I tore the Spruce from the ground before.

I don't know if I can go back, back to not feeling, not caring.

I don't think I want to anyway.

_Edward?_

I stop breathing and moving, ignoring her, hoping she will just go away. I will myself to become completely invisible under the snow.

_Alice called, and she said that I would be able to find you here. Your future is distressing her. She sounded very upset. What's going on? _

I don't move, remaining silent.

_I am not going to leave until I know you are okay. I can smell you, Edward. I know you're here. Just tell me what's wrong._

I know how stubborn she is; she won't leave, ever. I might as well get this over with._  
_

"Nothing," I mumble from under the snow, "don't worry about it."

I can feel the pressure from her body above me, and I can hear the snow being swept away.

I keep my eyes tightly closed as I am unwillingly brought to surface and the sun lightens the inside of my dark lids.

"Edward!" she gushes, hovering over my body, trapping me underneath her.

I turn my head to the side, forcing my eyes open, refusing to look at her.

"Hello, Tanya."

She moves to the side, putting out her hand, offering me assistance.

I don't want it, but I take it anyway, letting her pull me to my feet.

"Oh," she gasps, "your clothes are completely soaked."

I don't feel it.

She wipes at the snow clinging to my body; it won't melt on my cold skin. "Come back to the house with me," she pleads, "Eleazar will have some clean, dry clothes you can put on."

I nod, shaking my hand loose from her grasp.

She gives me a small, disappointed, thinking of our clasped hands. I put mine in my pockets.

Sighing, she turns back toward her home, and I follow behind her as she runs.

_Edward looks kind of depressed. I hope he's okay. Mmmm…I love the way the wet shirt is clinging to his chest. _

I zone out at her last thought, trying my best to not hear anymore. Tanya's thoughts often turn vulgar when I am concerned, and I have learned over the years to just ignore her silent musings.

We reach the house in Denali, and I follow her inside. It is surprisingly silent.

"Where is everyone else?" I question.

She stops, turning to look at me, "oh," she laughs, "they went hunting. I decided not to go, so," she pauses, "how about we get you some fresh clothes, hmm? Would you like to take a shower?"

"Sure," I answer nonchalantly.

I guess a shower would be nice. The cold, damp clothes do not affect my body, but the hot stream of water will help relax my muscles.

She leads the way, hovering in the bathroom until I have to actually ask her to leave.

I take off my wet clothes, placing them into the sink, and move under the spray. As it warms my body slightly, my mind drifts to Bella. I cannot help but to picture what it would be like if she, her small body pink and bare, was here with me in the shower.

I would run my hands up her arms, caressing her skin, and pull her flush against my body, cherishing every curve she has to offer me.

I would turn her around to face me…

NO! I can't think like this. What is wrong with me?

I have never felt this need, this sexual attraction before. Don't get me wrong, I have been aroused before; physically, I am a teenage male. It's just that, I never felt the urge to act on it.

Cursing my traitorous mind and body, I turn off the water, willing my erection to go away.

No such luck.

"Seriously?" I say, looking down, thinking of anything else…Sally, Frank Sinatra, baseball, _Cats_.

Nothing is working!

Stepping out of the shower and onto the bath mat, I reach for a towel, and come up empty.

"Umm…Tanya?" I call out.

The door swings open, and I am too shocked to do anything but stand there, exposed and vulnerable.

"Did you need something," she purrs, glancing down. She looks back up, her eyes grow wide, locking them on mine. "It looks like you need some help, Edward," she says, licking her lips.

Her mind is buzzing with images and feelings of passion and desire, alive and vibrant with color.

She wants me, and she thinks that I want her.

I want brown hair, brown eyes, full pink lips and a beating heart. Oh, how I want those things, but I refuse to have it.

I won't.

Maybe Emmett was right, and I am just sexually repressed.

I could get out some of my frustration with Tanya, and then I might be over Bella completely. At the very least, I could control myself when I am around her.

Tanya is very beautiful, rivaling Rosalie, and it would be easy to give in, to give it up.

I take a step closer, not hiding my nakedness.

"Tanya," is all I say. Apparently, it is all I need to say.

She quickly takes her top off, closing the gap between us, intertwining our bodies.

I lower my mouth to hers, slowly, giving myself the final push over the edge.

Our lips touch, lightly at first, and then my desire from before kicks in. I need more, more touching, more kissing, just more.

I crush our lips together, forcefully. Her tongue trails around my closed mouth, so I open it, granting her full access.

We fight for dominance with our tongues, neither ceasing control of the kiss. She moans, and I break away, moving my lips down her neck, licking her clavicle.

_Oh, Edward, I have wanted you like this for so long. We will be great together. I always knew we would. Please make love to me!_

I pull back, and open my mouth to speak.

* * *

**Don't hate me!! So, what do you think? Do I want to know? Well, yikes, tell me anyway. I want to know. I promise to answer any questions. Umm...yeah, so I guess Edward is slightly OOC. It happens.  
**

**Also, a review will get you a certain phone call between Alice and Tanya. Interested?? REVIEW....feed my addiction.**


	9. Chapter 9

**So, some of you were mad at me for last chapter, well, made about Tanya. Just remember that everyone makes mistakes, even Edward. I actually got a flame (which I found quite funny). Anyway, ya'll made me super happy with all the reviews, and sixteen of you received a phone call between Alice and Tanya with a few visions thrown in :) If you want it, just review for chapter 8. The song for this chapter is My Old Ways by Dr. Dog. I saw them live in New Orleans, and it was amazing!**

**Also, I do not own Twilight...not even a little bit.**

* * *

I pull back, and open my mouth to speak.

I am not the most experienced at this, so I just nod, hoping that it is enough.

It is.

I close my eyes, imagining long brown hair and brown eyes. My eyes travel down her exquisite body which turns pink with her blush. Yum, her whole body blushes.

My venom pools in my mouth, and I have to swallow repeatedly to stop myself from drooling.

We continue kissing, her lips plump, pink and juicy. They are swollen from our ministrations, and I lick their warm surface with my icy tongue.

She moans, and it sends actual shivers down my spine. Pulling her closer, as close as possible, I move my mouth to her ear, pulling her lobe into my mouth, sucking gently.

"Oh, Edward," she moans.

That's right. Say my name. I could listen to her tinkering voice for hours, for days. I just want to hear her say my name again and again.

I can smell her arousal, and it is better than her blood, if that is even possible.

I move from her ear, and my lips travel down her neck again, soft and hard all at once.

"Mmm...Edward," she says my name again, "I want you."

"I want you too, Bella," I practically moan.

Her thoughts turn violent. Wait, I can't read Bella's thoughts…

"Who the HELL is Bella?!?" Tanya spits out, jumping away from me, putting about ten feet between us.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"You just called me Bella," she says, more dejected than defiant.

"Really?" I ask, letting my eyes fall down to the ground, "umm…she is this girl, this human girl, and," I stop, unsure of what category Bella falls into.

What am I supposed to say? She's a girl I met this afternoon. She has cancer. She's my Singer. I want to have sex with her and then eat her, or I just might want to eat her. I am not exactly sure which one is more prevalent, and, of yeah, I might love her?

I am sure Tanya would understand that.

Yeah, right.

"A human!" she exclaims, quickly puts her shirt back on, "Really, Edward, I thought you were above that," she says in a sniveling voice.

"Ugh, Tanya, I never said I was above that. I just don't sleep with humans like you and your sisters," I reply, shrugging my shoulders in nonchalance.

"Well, excuse me!" she scoffs, "I mean let's just all harp on my family because we get lonely!" She is practically glaring daggers at me. "No one has ever has sex without being in love. We are just big sluts!! Isn't that right?"

_You stuck-up, douche of a virgin who wouldn't know a vagina from a hole in the wall!!_

"That is just lovely Tanya," I frown, shaking my head, "really classy."

_Well, if the shoe fits, Edward._

"I'm sorry, Tanya," I say genuinely, "I should never have come here and toyed with your emotions. It was wrong."

"Well, who is this Bella girl really?" she asks, stepping closer to me, "I mean," she runs her finger down my arm, "maybe you do just need some help forgetting her."

She moves in slowly, staring at my lips.

I don't want this. I was just acting out before, and I was being stupid, so, so stupid.

"Stop!" I demand, putting my hands on her shoulders, pushing her away.

She looks at me, her eyes filled with emotion, and her thoughts are laced with pain and rejection.

"Tanya, what I was doing before was wrong," I quietly say my voice gentle as possible, "I do want Bella, and I am still coming to terms with how much I want her. Or, I suppose more importantly, which way I want her. I desire her blood, but she's sick. It's all rather confusing."

I take a deep breath, "I shouldn't have kissed you. I was using you which is a selfish and childish thing to do, and I just want to apologize."

I look into her eyes, taking her hands in mine, "I hope we can still be friends, and that we can move past this incident. It was never my intention to hurt you. I see now….

_Enough with the melodrama, I get it, you're sorry!_

Her thoughts interrupt me mid sentence, so I just stop, nodding in agreement.

"I think I should go," I say with a sense of finality.

She looks down at her fingernails, sighing.

"I think that would be for the best," she says, turning her face away, avoiding me.

"Alright," I move toward the door, "I will see you soon. I believe Esme wanted to plan a get together for the families next month."

I can hear the smile in her voice, "that would be nice."

I reach for the door, turning the knob, meeting resistance.

When did she have time to lock us in here?

A small, awkward laugh escapes, and I unlock the lock, opening the door.

"Umm, Edward?" she says, raising her voice in the end.

I turn back to face her.

"Yes, Tanya," I reply, encouraging her to continue.

"I was just wondering," she pauses, twirling her strawberry-blond hair around her finger.

"Yes?" I reply, keeping my voice kind.

"Umm…" she continues, "were you planning on running the whole way home?"

"That is how I got here Tanya," I say, irritation leaking into my voice, "so, yes, I am going to run home."

"Right, but I, umm…" she pauses.

God, say it already. Seriously!!

"I mean," she giggles, "you were going to run back to Washington," she pauses, swallowing back her amusement, "in the nude?"

She starts laughing, quietly at first, but it quickly gets louder. She clutches her side with one hand, banging the counter with her other hand, cracking the tile.

I look down, shock registering on my face, as I cover myself with my hands.

How could I forget that I don't have any clothes on!

"I know," she chuckles, "you aren't worried about frostbite, but come on!!"

She is practically rolling on the floor.

"Well, I can see you have fully recovered from our little tryst just now," I say shortly, moving my back flat against the wall.

"Oh," she guffaws, "I don't think I will ever be able to get over it fully," she replies sarcastically.

I just scowl.

Five minutes later I am out the door, completely covered with the promise to return Eleazar's clothing by mail.

"Sure, no problem," she smiles, laughter once again creeping into her voice, "I'll see you later, Edward."

In her mind, she keeps replaying images of me frolicking through the snow in the buff.

_I cannot wait until everyone else gets home! Ooh, I am going to call Rosalie!!_

I groan. Fantastic, I am NEVER going to be able to live this down!

I run back to Forks, but I am not looking forward to getting home. Not only do I have to face the Bella situation head on, but I am going to be ridiculed endlessly.

Emmett is going to have a field day.

I can't seem to make myself care about that as much as I normally would. My mind keeps drifting back to Bella. I need to stay away, but I can't run from it.

I will avoid her at the hospital, though.

Definitely.

Well, probably.

It is definite that I will probably stay away. There, that works.

I slow down when I enter the town limits, avoiding for as long as possible the chaos that surely will be my home.

I am surprised when I finally get back to the house because it is rather quiet.

_The others went out for a run, Edward. I would like to talk to you in my study._

I enter, walking up the stairs, taking my time again. Avoidance seems to be key part of all my actions lately.

"Come in," he calls out before I am even at the door.

"Carlisle," I say, opening the door, taking the same seat I occupied earlier.

He looks up at me, smiling slightly.

"I'm glad you're back," he begins, "We were worried about you. Alice had a vision of a snow storm in which you were buried for a few weeks. You then murdered a couple," he stops.

"What?" I ask, "I murdered a couple?"

_Well, it didn't happen, so don't worry about it._

Right. I just won't worry about the double homicidal vision Alice had about me. Sounds easy enough…

"I just wanted to talk to you to make sure you are okay with dealing with Bella Swan," he says, sincerely, "I know you have never been through something like this, and…"

I interrupt him, "something like this?"

"You know, attraction, liking a girl, love?" his voice raises slightly when he says the word 'love.'

I laugh awkwardly, and I gulp so loudly it is like something out of a movie.

"Love?" I say, my voice practically cracking, "I don't know about all that."

_How do you feel about her then?_

"She's beautiful and selfless! She listens to classical music, and she has a tinkering laugh! I want to be around her, but it scares me!! I want to touch her constantly, but I don't want to hurt her! Her pain causes me pain! I don't want her to die, but I can't do anything about it!! I am just really confused," I finally stop.

"Ok," he says, trying to calm me down from my over emphatic speech, "would you like my advice?"

I nod. I'll try anything.

"Don't make any plans," he says in a tone that suggests he has just solved all my problems.

He can see the confusion on my face, and he lets out a small laugh.

"I know," he stands up, walking around his desk toward me, "it sounds too simple to work, but I think it's what you need to do. Just try to go with the flow. Don't kill her," he interjects, "and go with the flow."

"Well," I clear my throat, "thanks Carlisle. I am going to go to my room."

I turn to leave, but he stops me in my tracks with a silent statement.

_Also, Edward, Rosalie had a very interesting phone call from Tanya earlier._

I don't turn back around, my body rigid with embarrassment, and a grimace forms on my face.

_Emmett is quite giddy about the whole thing. You have given them a lot of ammunition, don't you think?_

His thoughts are jovial and filled with mirth.

"I am sure I have" I say, regaining the power to move and leaving his office for the sanctity of my bedroom.

I lock myself in my room for the rest of the evening, reflecting on the longest, strangest and best day of my existence.

I will never be the same, and that thought actually makes me smile.

Maybe I can handle being around Bella Swan, and there is only one way to find out.

Tomorrow, I am going to talk to her.

With a decision made, I feel much more relaxed. Things are going to get better. I just know it.

I can hear my siblings come in the door downstairs. Their thoughts are amused.

_Oh, Eddie, I hope you have some clothes on because I am coming up!!!!_

Well, maybe some things will be worse before they get better.

I frown, and brace myself for the taunting storm that is Emmett.

* * *

**Well, I hope you liked it! Next chapter is Edward and Bella, so I know you are excited!! Leave me a review, and I will send you an outtake in Emmett's POV. You know you want to read all about him making fun of Edward. So, don't be shy...tell me what you think!!**

**Also, Mombailey, one of my favorite gals, made me some banners. I put the links on my profile. You should also PM her to tell her to go ahead and publish her story!  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**I just want to thank everyone who reviewed!! I hope you all enjoyed your Emmett POV as much as I enjoyed writing it. It's fun using words like ba-donk-a-donk'! BHLB now has over one hundred reviews, and I am simply amazed. Also, Twilighted finally got back to me, so I am now on that site as well. :)**

**Okay, about the last two chapters, I had a reviewer who said that she could not see Edward compromising his values for gratification. It was a good point, and I just wanted to take a moment to clear it all up. Edward was, and is still, confused. He can't grasp the full effect that Bella has over him. He was in the shower, excited, and here comes Tanya, a willing participant and already a vampire. He won't hurt her. Her life is not ending. He knows where he stands with her. It is easy...emotionally. It is almost him saying – See, Bella, you do not affect me like I am terrified that you might. In the end, though, he can't shake her, and he is finally coming to terms with his feelings. Does that help explain it a little more? If you have further questions or concerns, review. I will address them as best as I can. ;)**

**Well, this chapter's song is Wake Up by Arcade Fire (which BTW can make me cry and then break out my dance moves – just listen)  
**

**Also, I do not own Twilight. It hurts me to say that, but it's the truth.**

**

* * *

  
**

Emmett made silent and lewd comments all night after the heart to heart we had in my room. He, surprisingly enough, actually made some good points. According to Carlisle, I need to go with the flow, and Emmett supplied me with the wisdom of following my heart.

Now, how do I combine the two?

What am I supposed to even do? It's not like I can just go to her and confess my, quite literal, undying love. I am not even sure if I love her. How do you know?

I have never felt this way about anyone else, and, of that, I am sure. But, I have only been in her presence twice. She probably doesn't even remember my name. There is no way my feelings, whatever they might be, are reciprocated.

Then again, when she was speaking to Carlisle, she asked about me. That has to mean something, right? Well, I know not love, but at this point, I will take merely interested on her part.

I spend the entire night debating the situation, and, once again, nothing is clear.

The only thing I am completely sure of is there will be no more running. I am not going to let fear control my future. Hell, I am supposed to cause fear in others. There should be no fight or flight confusion in my head. I am a vampire; therefore, I should always fight.

So, I will fight tomorrow. I will fight not to eat her. I will fight not to let myself be scared away. I will fight letting myself fall deeper into the abyss of the unknown that is Bella Swan.

She is just one more hurdle I have to jump. I am sure once I speak to her, she will be like all others. The fascination will end, and the mystery will be unraveled.

Her silent mind locks me out, but I have become too dependent on my ability anyway. This will give me the opportunity to deconstruct someone the old fashioned way, by paying attention.

As the sun rises, there is a knock on my door.

_Edward?_

Her mind is unusually tranquil, and I can't help but think of a hurricane, the calm before the storm. I am waiting for the dark clouds to quickly roll through the sky and the lightning to strike.

"You can come in Alice," I say to my closed door.

She opens it slowly, walking into the room, stopping in front of me.

_Are you alright?_

"I suppose. What do you mean, exactly?"

She raises her eyebrows in question, and shakes her head slowly, crinkling her nose.

_Well, unfortunately for me, I saw what happened between you and Tanya. What were you thinking?_

"I don't know, Alice. I guess I was just trying to prove something to myself," I say, shrugging my shoulders.

_Did you?_

"Well, in a way I did," I say, forcing the words out of my mouth. "I now know, without a doubt, I want Bella for more than just her blood."

_So, you have feelings for her? Do you love her?_

"No," I say, laughing nervously. "I barely know her."

_So what?!? I knew I loved Jasper before I even met him! Also, Jasper told me about your emotions earlier after my vision in Carlisle's study. You don't have such intense feelings for someone who you just like a little bit!_

Her mental decibel lowers, and she looks me right in the eyes.

_If there is anything at all you would like to talk about, I am always here to listen._

"Thank you," I reply. "I'm fine, though, really." I am a liar.

I lower my eyes to the floor, trying to hide the feelings I am fighting so hard to keep inside.

_I know this is scary. You have been alone for a long time. I managed to keep my original vision a secret from you before, but would you like to see it now?_

I just shake my head.

_You were really happy. _

Simple words, but they throw me off balance, catapulting me back to brown eyes, blushing cheeks, and awe inspiring words – I just want to be happy.

The unexpected image of Bella makes my chest swell, and I can feel my face break out into an uncharacteristic smile. Well, it used to be out of character for me, but that was before Bella. What has she done to me? Is it possible that I do love her? There are too many questions and not enough answers.

I place my head in my hands, groaning into my palms.

I finally look back up at Alice, and a comforting smile graces her face. She nods, pursing her lips together to keep her emotions under control.

_Please, just try to embrace it. If anyone deserves happiness, Edward, it's you. You are a great person, friend, and brother. I love you._

I can't help but smile again at her sappy musings.

Alice wobbles slightly, placing her hand on the dresser to steady herself, and her eyes glaze over as the vision starts.

_Bella is in her hospital bed listening to music with headphones. She is singing to herself, bobbing her head and tapping her hand on the rail to the beat. The tempo changes, but I can't hear the music. She turns her head to stare out the window, and her emotions are splayed freely across her face._

_She looks heartbroken._

_I enter the room, and she slowly turns her face away from the window. Her eyes are laced with tears, but she smiles warmly the moment our eyes meet. I giver her a crooked grin in return, and it is genuine and heartfelt. As her first few tears fall, her smile grows, and it lights up her entire face._

_There has never been a more bittersweet, beautiful moment than this. _

_We just stay like that, in the moment, for an unmeasurable amount of time. _

"_What are you listening to?" I ask, breaking the silence. _

"_Chicago," she states simply._

"_The band?" I ask, confusion covering my features. It is hard to believe she likes the chart topping adult contemporary band of the eighties. _

_A small laugh falls from her lips as she shakes her head. _

_She pats the bed next to her, and I eagerly walk over to sit down._

Alice blinks once, and then turns her stare on me. Her normal exuberance is coming back, ten fold.

"It's not too late!!" She screams, launching herself at me, throwing her arms around my neck.

She breaks her hold suddenly, and pushes back to look me in the eye. Her eyes are black, and she looks completely terrifying.

"You better not screw this up!" She growls, jabbing me hard in the chest.

My eyes widen on their own accord, and I nod while slowly trying to disentangle myself from Alice.

She doesn't budge, but, fortunately, her eyes lighten and her face softens. She hops up, and she dances around the room, twirling and laughing.

_I have to go tell Jasper about my new best friend!_

With that, she exits my room, and like a hurricane, she leaves a trail of destruction in her wake, me.

Alice has managed to shake up everything I have planned. My idea was to talk with Bella, and let her ruin my infatuation with mundane human dribble. Now, I'm not so sure that my foolproof plan is going to work. In the vision, it was obviously not my first time speaking with her, and I did not look bored, at all. I looked enamored.

Going with the flow is turning out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Around six, I decide it would be best to go for a quick hunt. I take down two deer about a mile from the house, and then I run back to get ready. It is just another day at the hospital, but I feel different. I'm nervous, although, I think the most dominate emotion is excitement. I can't remember the last time I looked forward to something, and the thought perks me up as I walk down the stairs.

I walk out to my Volvo, longing for the time alone in my head, but Carlisle stops me from behind, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Edward, I would like if you ride with me today."

I turn back to his pleading eyes, giving in and nodding my head in agreement. I get into the passenger seat, and I prepare myself for yet another talk.

I don't have to wait long.

"Son, I just want to let you know that you are stronger than you realize."

I let out a long sigh as I focus on playing with the collar of my shirt.

"I just don't want to hut her, Carlisle," I say quietly.

"I don't think you will, and Alice told me earlier that I shouldn't hover when you are in her room. She doesn't foresee any problems," he states.

"Alice has been wrong before. Her visions are not infallible."

"I know, but I am choosing to not bet against Alice." He nods his head, confirming the idea in his thoughts. "Just try to heed my advice. Go with the flow. You should never swim against the current..."

I interrupt him. "Please, enough with the water references."

Carlisle chuckles slightly. "Okay, no more, I promise."

We ride in silence the rest of the way, and I let my thoughts wander to Bella. She has no idea the upheaval she has caused in my life. What if she doesn't want to talk to me? I don't want to burden her with my presence.

My phone chirps, alerting me I have a new text message, so I open it, reading it quickly.

**Remember my vision. Bella wanted you in the room with her. Don't doubt it now. -Alice**

Right, she invited me to sit on the bed with her. She didn't look scared. Okay, I can do this.

As we pull into the hospital parking lot, I take a deep breath, steadying myself for the day, for Bella.

_Ready?_

I nod my head, opening the door. I was just here yesterday, but that feels like a lifetime ago. Everything is different now.

Entering through the sliding doors, the thoughts of the humans bombard my mind, but it doesn't bother me as much as normal. I nod greetings to the nurses and other doctors, but everyone only gives me shocked expressions and confused thoughts in return. Have I never even acknowledged their presence before? Hmm, maybe not.

I even greet Sally with a bland smile which turns out to be a huge mistake. Her vulgar thoughts increase, and she can be rather...creative. I am not sure some of it is even logistically possible.

Needless to say, I will not be smiling at Sally again.

I try to work, but I just can't seem to make myself do anything but think about Bella. I steadily encourage myself to just go talk to her, but I cannot seem to convince myself.

What am I going to say? I am sorry you are dying. I don't want to inconvenience you, but I think I might love you. You smell mouthwatering; can I have a taste?

A resurgence of venom fills my mouth at the last thought. I swallow it down, letting it coat my throat. I miss her smell. I even miss the pungent odor the cancer emits. I miss Bella.

With a confirming nod, I get out of my chair and walk to the door. I stare at my hand which is suspended in the air above the doorknob for longer than a minute, trying to force it to open on its own with just my mind.

It swings open, and I have to step back to avoid being hit. I don't want to break the door with my body.

Before I even have time to contemplate if I have belatedly developed another gift, Sally walks into my office, shutting the door behind her.

"Dr. Cullen, I'm back from lunch," she says, letting her tongue lick her top lip with the word _lunch_.

She bats her eyelashes excessively, and she looks as though she is about to faint. Is this her idea of seduction?

"Alright, you can handle this right?" I ask. She nods, smirking at me. "Good, good. Well, I will be back."

I push past her, avoiding physical contact completely, and there is no hesitation at the door this time.

Her thoughts are sad but still hopeful. That poor girl is deranged. I suppose she is as good of a catalyst as any to lead me back to Bella. Sally, along with her disgusting mind, turns out to be the push that I need.

Still shuddering, I make my way to the third floor. I slow to an almost crawl when I walk past her door, listening for a sign of Bella behind the wooden barricade. A quiet, silky yet throaty melody delights my ears, and I close my eyes, picturing her as she sings, over emphasizing the words, biting her lips with her teeth.

_Edward!_

I open my eyes, slightly disoriented. I am not sure how long I stood outside her door, lost in her voice.

_Come with me, please._

I look at Carlisle then back at her door, multiple times, trying to make up my mind. Once the decision is made, there is not going back. I turn back toward Carlisle, and I shake my head.

"You and Alice are right, and she told you not to hover. Everything will be okay," I say, too low for any human ears to hear as I lift my hand to knock on her door.

I don't move at all during the 5.3 seconds it takes her to respond.

"Come in," she calls out, finally.

I enter, keeping my head down, concentrating on keeping my control. I am still unprepared when her scent hits my nostrils. If possible, she smells even better. The sickly undertone is there, but it is easy enough to ignore.

"Ms. Swan," I say, lifting my eyes, "how are you feeling?"

She looks beautiful, lying there before me. She has one earbud in, and the other hangs dangerously close to her breast. The music pours out of it, into the room, filling my ears with the haunting melody.

She fiddles with the iPod in her hand, pausing it, pulling the other earbud out. She looks up at me, smiling, warming my heart. "I told you to call me Bella," she lightly chastises.

"You did," I say. "My apologies."

She waves her hand at me, scoffing slightly. "No apology necessary. Just don't do it again!" She punctuates her mock anger with a small growl which causes her to laugh lightly.

"So, Bella," I say exaggerating her name, "what are you listening to?"

She rolls her eyes at me, and our playful exchange is almost overwhelming for me. I want this. I want this all the time.

"Nothing, really," she mumbles out. "It is just a bit of music. I am actually playing the same song on repeat."

"I love music," I croak out, very quickly. "I mean," I start slowly, trying to regain my dignity, "I would truly like to know what you are listening to."

"Well, Dr. Cullen," she starts.

"Call me Edward," I interject.

She looks up at me, and her eyes are sparkling. She is breathtaking, and I feel my lips turn up into a crooked grin.

She gives me a little smirk as she moves her finger in little circles on the bed rail.

"Well, Edward," she pauses, widening her eyes in amusement, "if you must know, I have been listening to Arcade Fire."

I know the band. I can easily lose myself in a number of their songs.

"I saw them in Seattle," I blurt out.

"We're they amazing?" She asks, genuine interest on her face.

I nod. Not as amazing as you, though. I move closer toward her, and her heartbeat picks up. Am I not moving at a human pace? Am I scaring her?

I stop, taking a step back. I glance back at her, trying my best to not alarm her further. She looks a little angry. I shouldn't have moved toward her. I deserve her mirth.

The silence between is thick, and I want our banter back.

"Well," I start, awkwardly, "I just came in to see how you are feeling."

She sighs, and I can hear the fluid in her lungs. Bella turns her gaze to the window, refusing to meet my eyes. I have probably overstepped my welcome.

"I feel as good as possible," she says, placing one earbud back in.

"I would like to check up on you again tomorrow. Would that be fine?" I ask.

"No problem, Dr. Cullen," she emphasizes. "It is your job, after all," she finishes sullenly.

She pushes the play button on her iPod, putting in the other earbud, drowning everything else out with the pulsing beat of the familiar song.

I quickly leave the room, berating myself for being so rash.

I go home early from work, feigning illness, and I lock myself in my bedroom.

I immediately locate the CD, placing it in the stereo, turning the song on repeat.

I try to imagine what Bella is thinking and feeling as it plays, and they music taunts me with the fact that I have no clue. I listen to it for hours with my eyes closed, immersing myself completely. Every time the song starts again, it is the last line that clings in my thoughts and heart.

_You better look out for love. _

* * *

**So, I really love that song! :) **

**I don't think Edward is as good at picking up non verbal clues as he thinks he is. *wink, wink*  
**

**I am sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, but, as a few of you know, I was in the middle of moving last week and over the weekend. Everything, even my mind, were in a state of disarray. **

**Also, I beta for Mombailey, and she has finally started posting her story called _Say it Out Loud_. Everyone should check it out! She gives me a lot of encouragement and praise that I am not sure I even deserve. Go give her some love!**

**Anywho, I would love to know what you think! Please review, and I will send you a peek into Bella's head!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Once again, thank you to everyone is reading this! Double thanks to those of you are who reviewing! :) I really appreciate it!! I am going to be posting on Wednesday from now on, but if inspiration strikes, or enough of you ask, I might be able to put another chapter up during the weekend.  
**

**This chapter's song is Heart it Races by Architecture in Helsinki but played by Dr. Dog. I was indecisive about a song for this chapter but racing hearts seem to be important to the story!  
**

**I do not own Twilight. ;)**

* * *

_I thought you decided you weren't going to run anymore?_

I look up, unsurprised to see here standing in front of me; she has her hands cocked on her hips. I actually expected her to show up earlier than this considering she has been contemplating coming to talk to me for about four hours now.

"I beg your pardon?" I ask, feigning ignorance.

"Oh, don't play dumb with me! Your future was crystal clear yesterday, and now, it keeps changing. I am ready to meet my friend, Edward!" Alice demands. She is not very happy when she doesn't get her way which is not very often. Alice normally just manipulates situations to achieve the end results she has already seen in her head. I call it cheating, but she just calls it self actualization.

I scoff, shaking my head back and forth. "Alice, I don't know when she is going to get the chance to become your friend. She is dying!"

"Oh, ye, of little faith," she says, tapping her forehead. The image of her and Bella hugging plays quickly through her mind. Bella seems happy with Alice and not repulsed by her hard, cold skin. I wonder if she would feel the same way about me if I touched her?

I shake my head to clear it of that thought. That road is one I do not need to travel down.

I can see Alice in my peripheral, tapping her foot impatiently, waiting for me to acknowledge the vision.

"What was that?" I ask, the irritation at Alice and the confusion of my own feelings leaking into my voice.

"A vision I had," she replies cryptically.

"When did you have it?" I ask, trying to keep the anger out of my tone. Alice does not respond well when she feels threatened. Last time, she brought her fist down HARD on my beloved baby. My piano, even after repairs, will never sound the same.

"The day before you met Bella," she answers distractedly as she looks around the room, keeping her focus on anything besides me. I try to tune further into her mind to figure out what she is so blatantly trying to hide from me.

"Alice, why are you reciting _War and Peace_ in Russian?"

"Well," she looks up at me, "because the only way to truly appreciate such a masterpiece is in Tolstoy's native tongue. You know that, silly." She smiles, looking at me like I am a five year old who just asked where babies come from.

"What are you hiding from me, Alice?" I growl.

"Why are you thinking about running away again?" She challenges my question with one of her own.

"I'm not!" I say, running my fingers through my already disheveled hair. "I'm here. I'm not going any where!" I practically shout. I look up to find Alice right in front of me, staring me down, snarling slightly, baring her teeth at me.

_You shouldn't play with a girl's emotions._

"I'm not trying to make you mad, Alice, it's just..." She cuts me off.

"I am not talking about me!! Edward, I don't want to say this, but you might be truly hopeless!" She rolls her eyes, taking a seat beside me on the couch.

"Then, who?" I start. I answer myself before she has the chance. "Bella?"

_Duh!_

"Huh?" I mumble intelligently.

"Why did you run off when you were speaking to her yesterday?" She asks, her voice sweet and bubbly again.

"Well, if you must know, when I got closer to her, her heart beat picked up which indicated she was afraid. I stepped away from her, and she looked really angry at me. Then, she practically ignored me while I was still in the room, Alice. It was pretty obvious she did not want me there."

I stop, looking down at her small frame next to me, waiting for her confirmation of my actions yesterday.

I never get it.

Alice stands up so she can glare down at me. I look up at her as she brings her hand down, giving me an open-palmed slap on the back of my head.

"Gah," I say incoherently, standing up. "What the hell was that for?"

"You can be such an idiot, Edward! She was upset because she wanted you to come closer and you backed off!"

"You weren't there, Alice. How do you know that?" I ask, clenching my fists in frustration.

A deep growl rumbles through her as she lets the vision play in her mind.

"_Well, Edward," Bella pauses, widening her beautiful eyes "if you must know, I have been listening to Arcade Fire."_

"_I saw them in Seattle," I blurt out the same as yesterday. _

"I don't know why we are replaying my massive failure at having a conversation with Bella. Once was enough." I say to Alice. "I don't want to see anymore."

"Shut up, Edward," she growls. The vision starts back up.

"_Were they amazing?" She asks, her chocolate eyes sparkling._

_I nod, moving closer, hearing her heart race. But, this time, I don't stop. I slowly bring my hand up to move a piece of hair that has fallen in her face behind her ear. I caress the back of my finger down her cheek, marveling in the warmth and softness. A quiet moan catches in her throat, calling to me in a primal way, urging me forward to claim what is mine._

"_Not as amazing as you," I purr, staring at her full pink lips. She gives me a timid smile as her heart rapidly taps out the most amazing melody I have ever heard. I lower my mouth to hers..._

"So," Alice says, breaking me out of my Bella induced trance, "that was how it could have gone." She says with a smug look on her face.

Groaning, I fall back onto the couch, letting the cushions absorb the full impact of my body. I cover my entire face with my forearms, blocking out everything in the room except for the image of Bella before me, her full lips and open mouth as she was practically panting....

A deep, feral growl escapes from inside as I stand. I pick up the white ceramic lamp on the table beside me, and I throw it across the room, shattering it into thousands of pieces. I close my eyes, willing my breathing to slow, trying to calm myself down. I can hear the concerned thoughts of my family through out the house, but I hope they have enough sense to stay out.

"I wish you wouldn't have shown me that, Alice." I finally say, looking back at her.

"You needed to see it." Her thoughts are understanding and kind again. "I know it was hard, but I just wanted you to see..."

I interrupt her, "See what, Alice? Huh? Do you think that if I would have actually put my mouth on her, shit, anywhere near her, I wouldn't have bit her?!? Drained her? So, you showed me that, why? Did you just want me to see what I can NEVER have! Mission accomplished!!"

"I didn't," she starts.

"ENOUGH!" I growl. I can see Alice backing away from me slowly. She looks a little frightened of me, but I am too far gone to care.

_Edward._

I hear him silently call my name when the first waves of calm hit me. I can feel my muscles slowly relaxing, and I stand back up out of the crouch I didn't even know I was in.

I look over at them, Jasper standing guard in front of Alice, protecting his mate.

_Are you calm now?_

I nod at his silent question, but he does not move from his position. I can see Alice peeking out from his side, giving me a small, apologetic smile.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Edward," she says, pushing her way around Jasper. He moves to stand back in front of her. "Jeez, Jazz, enough," she says, gently shoving him out of the way, closing the distance between us.

"I overreacted," I say, shifting my eyes to the floor.

She steps into my line of vision, smirking at me, nodding in agreement. "I'll say."

I can feel the question on the tip of my tongue, but I am not sure I want to know the answer.

"She enjoyed herself in that vision," Alice responds before I even say anything aloud. "Her heartbeat picked up from excitement, not fear!" She exclaims, placing a hand on my shoulder. How can she be so sure? I turn to look at her, and I can see the doubt in my eyes reflecting in her thoughts.

"**NO MORE!!**" She yells in a very deep voice, raising one fist into the air, holding it above her head, staying still as a stature. I look to Jasper, raising my eyebrow as I take a few steps away from the crazy pixie by my side.

He shrugs. _I don't know either, Edward;_ t_his is strange, even for Alice._

"Darlin'?" he asks, moving toward her, placing his hands on her shoulders. The moment he touches her, she lowers her fist, giggling profusely. Her thoughts are gleeful and triumph as she takes Jasper's hand and pulls him toward the door.

"I have a plan that will put an end to all of your uncertainty, Edward! She will be my best friend, and I don't want your wallowing to ruin it!" She exclaims, turning back toward me with a wild look in her eye before she pushes Jasper out into the hall.

He gives me one last pleading as the door slams behind him. _Well, Edward, I guess I'll let you know if she tells me what the hell she's goin' on about!_

"Alice, stop pushing me, darlin'! I can walk fine on my own!" I hear Jasper exclaim from the stairwell.

I strain to hear her response, but I can only hear faint whisperings as the door closes to their room.

I try not to think about what Alice is planning, but, truth be told, I am a little weary. Sometimes, Alice can get a little extreme when she is trying to prove that she is right.

I look to the clock and it is practically time to get ready for another day at the hospital. Alice was in here berating me for longer than I realized. I do have a little time, so I let my mind wander to what Alice showed me in her vision. I know I wanted to kiss Bella in her room yesterday, but did she actually want to kiss me back?

How could she want to kiss a monster?

As I pull on my scrubs for the day, I cannot stop thinking about her lips, her eyes, her laugh, her playful kittenish growl, her scent...

Basically, I cannot stop thinking about Bella.

I let her know yesterday that I was going to check on her today, so she should be expecting me at some point. I just want to help her achieve her simple desire of being happy, but I can't even seem to do that right! Yesterday she looked incredibly sad as she dismissed me out of her room.

I let out a sharp breath through my nose. Frustration is becoming a very common emotion for me, and I am not really very fond of it.

I make me way down the stairs, and I can hear the excitement in Alice's thoughts. As I walk into the living room, I brace myself for Hurricane Alice.

"Good morning," she chirps.

I nod in response, narrowing my eyes at her enthusiasm.

"Well, I don't know why I did not think of this sooner" she says, her words fly from her mouth as she dances from foot to foot. "You are confused because you can not read Bella's thoughts. Also, you are too much of a dumb ass to pick up on her non verbal clues."

I growl at her word choice.

"No offense, of course." She smiles at me as I roll my eyes, motioning with my hands for to continue, to get this over with.

"Right, so, you are thinking one thing and she is thinking one thing, but you are both wrong about what the other one is thinking!" She says, nodding her head at her _amazing_ idea.

I shrug. I am not sure where Alice is going with this.

"Well, don't you see?" She questions, whining creeping back into her voice. "It is up to me, like always, to get you back on track. I am going to have my best friend, Edward! You will not keep her from me." She demands.

"I don't think she wants me around, Alice. I am not trying to keep her..."

"Oh, Edward," she interrupts, "would you please stop doubting me? I am trying to let you know my fantastical plan, but, I can't tell you if you keep interrupting me." She gives me a small terse smile, and I just nod, better play it safe.

"Good, so, I was thinking how to help, and what would help best is would be if you weren't so uncertain of what is going through Bella's head. We all know you can't hear her thoughts, and you almost rely entirely on the fact that you can read minds."

"Alice," I say thorough clenched teeth, "your plan?" I give her a terse smile.

"Oh, yeah," she says, giving me a huge grin. "Jasper!"

At his name, Jasper walks into the room, striding lankly over to his wife. He turns to give me a small shrug and an apologetic grimace.

_I couldn't do anything to stop her._

"I don't understand."

"Jasper is my plan, Edward!"

I take a deep breath as I pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Jasper is your plan?" I question, repeating what she just said.

"Yes! He is going to go with you to the hospital today. He is going to volunteer to be a candy-striper."

Jasper groans at her words. "Alice, I told you not to call me that."

"Sorry," she says, turning toward him and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Jasper is going to volunteer at the hospital. He's going to be a rugged and manly candy striper! We can say he is doing for class credit, and this way he will be there when you talk to her!! He can tell you what she is feeling. Isn't that great? Aren't I brilliant?!?" Alice has gotten so loud and worked up during her speech that the entire family has come to see what is happening.

I can't help but pick up their confusion in their thoughts. I mean, Alice is standing in the middle of the room with a crazed gleam in her eye and both fists in the air while Jasper and I stand off to the side, our eyes wide with shock.

I would be confused, as well.

"What is going on?" Carlisle asks, after Jasper uses his gift to bring Alice down from her power trip.

"I am going to go to the hospital to see if Bella loves Edward in return," Jasper says nonchalantly.

I laugh nervously as everyone stares at me.

"This is ridiculous," Rosalie says, breaking the silence as she turns to leave the room.

_Good luck, man! _

Emmett's thoughts are encouraging as he follows his wife. "Rosie, baby, how about a little fun before school?"

"Umm," Alice starts after they are gone, "I might have gotten a little worked up before, but you have got to admit it is a good plan."

"Don't get me wrong, Alice," Carlisle says calmly. "It is a good plan, but I don't think Jasper should go to the hospital today. I don't want to get Edward's hope up for no reason."

"What if she feels the same way?" She asks defensively. "How can you stand there and say there's no reason if Bella wants Edward in return"

"She is still going to die soon, Alice," I say softly. I can't help the emotions that course through my body. It feels as though my chest is being ripped open where my heart used to beat.

Jasper quickly leaves the room, clenching his fists. He turns his now black eyes back toward me, burning with the emotions I am emitting. I try to plead my apology with my eyes. He nods, turning back toward the back door to escape my feelings.

"But," Alice starts again, "didn't you see the vision, Edward?"

I look at my sister's dejected face. I don't want to cause her unhappiness. "I saw. I'm sorry. I know you wanted her to be your friend, but.."

"No, I don't think you fully understand what I am talking about," she interjects, playing the vision of her hugging Bella again in her mind.

As they break their hold on one another, I can see Bella's entire face, her red eyes, marble skin.

_See, Edward, she is going to be one of us!_

"Stop!"

"But, Edward," she pleads.

"No, I don't want to see anymore, Alice. Stop showing me things that I can never allow to happen!" I beg. "Please."

She huffs in defiance as she leaves the room. She turns back toward me, her face taut with sadness.

"Don't stop talking to her. You said she wants to be happy, and that will make her happy. I'm positive! I will leave you alone. I promise I will, but she needs someone to rely on. She needs you, Edward."

I nod as Alice follows Jasper's scent into the forest outside.

I look back at Carlisle and Esme, giving them a small, grim smile. Esme walks toward me and engulfs me in her arms, hugging me fiercely. I hold onto her just as tightly.

_I know this is hard, but it will be okay, Edward. I love you. _

She pulls back to look into my eyes, putting her love for me into her stare. I hug her quickly once more, and then she exits the room, leaving Carlisle and I alone.

"Well," he starts uneasily, "are you ready for another day at the hospital?"

I look around the room as I take a deep breath.

"As ready as I ever will be, I suppose," I reply.

He starts toward the garage, and I turn to follow him.

"I am going to take the Volvo today," I inform him.

"Good, good," he says distractedly as I open the driver's side door to my car. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Are you going to check on Bella Swan today?" He asks, his thoughts are unsure of what answer he wants from me.

"I don't think I can stay away, Carlisle," I admit. "Even if she doesn't really want me there, I don't think I am strong enough to leave her alone."

"What if Alice is right? What if she does not want you there?"

"I guess I will just cross that bridge when I come to it," I respond.

"Have you considered it?" He asks, picturing Bella as a vampire, strong and graceful.

"That is not an option, Carlisle." I say, getting into my car and slamming the door. I drive quickly to the hospital, relishing the time alone in my head. How could they possibly think I would damn Bella to this existence? She doesn't deserve to be a monster!

Luckily, when I get to my office, Sally is no where to be seen. I don't think I could deal with her today. I sit at my desk, letting my mind wander to the floor below. A nurse is adding notes to Bella's chart as the doctor on duty administers more morphine. Bella's eyes flutter shut as soon as the drug hits her system.

I stand up and start to pace inside my tiny four walls. Before I even realize I am walking, I am outside of her door. I make sure no one is around as I put one palm flat against the wood and quietly turn the knob.

I move silently across the room, stopping at the foot of her bed, taking in the sight of her sleeping form.

She has kicked the sheet and blanket off of her and they are pooled at her feet as she tosses and turns. Yesterday she was wearing the standard hospital gown, but today she has on an oversized t-shirt that engulfs her small frame with tiny shorts that do not hide her long, milk white legs from my hungry gaze. Someone must have brought her some clothes. I have yet to see her parents.

I move closer, drinking her in with my eyes, memorizing every detail about the girl in front of me. She has a strawberry birthmark on the back of her left thigh. She keeps her nails short and unpainted. Her brown hair has subtle golden undertones which I can barely pick up under the fluorescent lights.

She is the most beautiful creature I have ever met.

I look down in horror as my hand moves slowly toward her body, but it is as if it has a mind of its own. There is nothing I can do to stop myself as I tentatively place my fingertips on the back of her left hand, feeling and absorbing her warmth.

She shivers in her sleep as her heartbeat rises slightly. The machine doesn't even pick it up, but I can. I have never been so in tune with anything as much as the constant thumping of her heart.

Another small chill runs through her body, and I quickly remove my ice cold fingers from her hand.

I gently grab the blankets by her feet, covering her delectable body from my view. When I reach her shoulders, I realize how close I am her to her face, and I back away quickly, cowering in the corner.

She furrows her brow in her sleep, restlessly turning her body toward me. I should leave. It's not right to spy on her like this. As I turn toward the door, she sighs.

"Edward."

I stop still in my tracks waiting for her to scream or to acknowledge my uninvited presence in her room. I keep waiting as her breathing evens out again.

I turn back to look at Bella and she is still asleep.

"Edward," she says my name again, "please, don't leave me."

She's dreaming about me? She wants me to stay?

In all of my years on this planet, I have never truly been able to understand how someone could just give their heart, all of their trust, to another without question or fear.

I get it now.

I am in love with Bella Swan. She has my heart. It's hers forever.

* * *

**So, Edward is finally admitting his feelings. :)  
**

**I wanted more B/E interaction in this chapter, but Alice kind of got away from me! :) Oooh...Mombailey started me a thread on the forum over on Twilighted! I would love for you to come over and say hi. We can talk about the story or about Rob's six pack! (I have my suspicions that it was airbrushed on) Also, if you have not reviewed for earlier chapters, I am going to start posting the outtakes over there. So, you have to come on over to get them! Have I persuaded you enough?**

**I haven't decided if I am going to write a snippet from someone else's POV, but if enough of you ask, I might. **

**So, just click the box below to leave me a review. ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**I just want to thank everyone who is reading and reviewing. It means the world to me! Big thanks to Araeo for rec'ing me in her latest chapter of _The Ritual_. Ya'll should check her out! :)**

**This chapter's song is A Love Song for a Vampire by Annie Lennox, and it was supplied by my good friend Mombailey. Ya'll should go check out her story _Say it Loud_. You can get to it from my favorite's list!!**

**Also, I entered the Age of Edward contest. I would love for you to read entry. It is titled _Leave it to Badger_, and it is on my profile. It's pretty different from BHLB...you'll see! ;)**

**One more thing, I like to read stories on this site with the page set at 3/4. The button is on the top. See if you like it!**

**I do not own Twilight. I make NO money doing this. Trust me.**

* * *

_In all of my years on this planet, I have never truly been able to understand how someone could just give their heart, all of their trust, to another without question or fear. _

_I get it now. _

_I am in love with Bella Swan. She has my heart. It's hers._

_

* * *

  
_

I continue to stare at the breathtaking creature before me as she sleeps. Every single time my name falls from her lips it is a miracle. A beautiful, brown eyed miracle. She rolls over which causes her giant t-shirt to ride up, exposing a sliver of her stomach.

My eyes darken and my pants tighten at the tiny line of milky skin. No one has ever made me feel this way, this out of control of my own body. It's terrifying. I want to touch her. I want to make her mine.

I love her.

I love her, love her, love her.

Shit.

What do I do now?

Bella is human. Bella is a dying human. Bella is a human who is going to die...soon.

My chest physically hurts as I fall to my knees. God, what is wrong with me? I was content being alone before. I was happy, well, not happy, but I know I never felt like this. This hurts. How do people stand it?

I put my hands in my hair and tug, making the skin on my forehead taut.

I swear, if I needed oxygen, I would be hyperventilating.

Just as my body curls into the fetal position at the end of Bella's hospital bed, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

I reach for it quickly and I flip it open. I don't want the noise to wake Bella from her slumber.

_Edward._

"Yes?" I whisper.

_Are you still on the floor?_

"No, Alice. I don't know what you're talking about," I mumble, sitting up.

_Sure, I believe you... _

_You should stop freaking out, though, Edward._

"I'm not," I reply. "I might be having some sort of panic attack, though, but I am not freaking out."

_There is no need. Please, remember the vision._

"No, Alice!" I growl, making sure to keep my voice as low as possible. "I am not doing that to her!"

_You don't have to. Carlisle could..._

I cut her off, "No one is going to change her. Am I understood?"

There is a moment's silence before she speaks, her tone crestfallen.

_Yes._

"I don't like it either, Alice. I just...I mean..."

_I know, Edward. Please just talk to her today. She needs someone to talk to. _

"Alright, you have my word," I say.

_I was going to love her too, you know, if I had the chance._

She hangs up the phone without saying goodbye.

I let our conversation play back through my mind as I get off of the floor. How can they be so nonchalant about my Bella's soul? I can't damn her to this existence.

That would make me the worst kind of monster.

I hear Carlisle on a daily basis wish he would have been strong enough to stay alone. I know he only turned us because we were on our deathbeds, but even today he has an overwhelming guilt for bringing each of us to this life. He wants us here. He's glad he did it. He still feels remorse.

When you live our lifestyle, when you choose your actions based on thought and reason, nothing is black and white. Our lives are constantly changing shades of gray.

Carlisle considers himself a selfish man, but is it selfish to not want to be alone?

For years now, all I have wanted was to fall through the cracks, to be forgotten, to be alone. It was selfish of me to want those things. I have a family who cares for me, who hurts when I hurt. It was selfish of me because it was never enough. It still isn't enough.

I want Bella. With all of myself, I want her.

Forever.

I can't choose her future. It's not fair to her, but it's not like I can just ask her what she wants.

_Bella, I'm in love with you. I know you're dying, but I want to keep you forever. I'm going to bite you, alright? Oh, also, I'm a vampire. Do you want to be one as well?_

She would try to have me committed.

Bella has come to terms with her mortality. She's ready to face the unknown.

I'm not.

I continue to go back and forth in my mind of all future possibilities, and I keep coming up with the same thing.

There is nothing I can do.

I watch Bella sleep until her breathing changes, signaling she is about to wake up from her medicated induced nap. With one final glance, I run out the door and hospital at a speed too quick for human eyes.

I hunt, keeping to the woods surrounding the hospital, until I think it is late enough to go back. I wander outside in the shadows until Bella's sleeping form pops up in someone's thoughts. I scale the side of the building and slip through her window silently. My body calms when I can finally see her face.

She shifts in her sleep, and her scent invades my senses. I let my throat burn. This used to be torture, but it is now something to cherish. It's her life.

I stand in the corner for the rest of the evening, watching and protecting her. Each time the nurse on duty enters the room, her heart beat picks up and her thoughts become paranoid. She keeps glancing at the corner where I am hidden in the dark, but laughs at herself each time to try to shake off the feeling of someone watching her.

I'm not. I could care less about her. I'm watching Bella.

The night passes quickly as I count the times Bella says my name.

Ten times.

Reluctantly, I leave when the sun comes up; I don't want to be caught. I exit the way I came in and run home.

I enter the house and immediately head to the stairs. I close the door to my room behind me before I get ready for the shower.

I let the water caress my skin as I think about Bella.

I turn the water off and reach for a towel as I think about Bella.

I slip into my scrubs and run my fingers through my untidy hair as I think about Bella.

I still have a few minutes before I need to go back to the hospital, so I spend my free time staring out the window as images of Bella run through my mind.

I imagine what Bella looked like as a child with missing teeth and sticky hands. Bella as a preteen, wearing braces and a smile. Bella now if she were not sick beautiful and young and full of opportunity. Bella in a wedding dress, with a child and in a rocking chair with gray hair.

One picture keeps flashing in my mind; Bella with cold, hard skin standing in the sunlight as her entire body sparkles like a million diamonds in the sun.

I let the image tease my mind. It breaks my heart, but at the same time it makes me whole. As long as I am inflicting self-torture, I might as well go all the way, so I close my eyes again.

This time when I picture Bella in the sun, she is in my meadow, and she's not alone. I reach for her hand and then pull her flush against my body. I sweep the hair out of her face with my fingers and I cup her chin as I lean forward to close the distance between us.

Before our lips meet, my angel whispers the most beautiful words I have ever heard.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Bella," I whisper as I leave my room and my unattainable future behind.

I walk straight to the Volvo; I am in no mood for small talk. When I make it to the hospital, I have the urge to go back to her room immediately, but I have to at least to pretend to work. This facade is important to my family.

When I exit the elevator, Sally's thoughts creep into my mind. She still has not gotten over the one smile I gave her the other day. I'm not sure what makes this human woman so delusional. It's rather ridiculous.

Pretending she is not even there, I walk past her to my office. I shut the door and collapse into my chair.

I stare into space and let my mind wander as I bide my time before I can see Bella again. I give myself until eleven. That's not too early, and I don't want to appear overly eager. I mean, I'm not exactly her doctor. Professionally, I have no reason to be there.

Not that she needs to know that.

Time is moving so slow. It's excruciating. I must have been sitting here waiting for a few hours by now. I look up at the clock, expecting it to almost be time.

8:06.

Six minutes. It's only been six minutes.

At 9:45, I give up. I can't take it anymore. I need to see her.

I walk down the stairs, focusing on her alone. Her name is like an inspirational hymn in my mind.

It's my heartbeat.

Bel-La, it thumps in my chest. Bel-La. Bel-La. Bel-La...

It pushes me further down the hall and encourages me to knock on her door.

"Yes," her beautiful voice answers.

I turn the knob, giddy with the thought of seeing her again. It's been so long. Well, it's been awhile since I have seen her awake.

I cross the threshold and brace myself for the burn in my throat that accompanies her.

"Bella, good morning," I say with false calm.

"Oh," she sounds surprised. "Good morning, Dr. Cullen."

"Edward," I remind her. "Please, call me Edward."

She bites her lip as she thinks about my request. "You're my doctor, though. It's not appropriate to call you by your first name," she finally says.

"I'm not technically your doctor," I blurt out without thinking.

"What?" She asks. "Then why are you here?"

She looks up at me accusingly, waiting for an explanation.

"I wanted to see you," I answer honestly.

She furrows her brow in confusion or frustration. I can't be sure.

"Why?" She says quietly.

_I want you. I need you. I love you._

"I enjoy talking to you," I reply.

"We've barely spoken," she accuses.

I laugh nervously. "I know. It's just that..." I pause, changing the subject. "Someone brought you some clothes."

"Huh?" She asks as a crease appears in her forehead. I want to smooth it out with my fingers. I want to kiss her worries away.

"You are no longer wearing the hospital gown," I answer, pointing at her body. I immediately put my hand down. It's not polite to point at a lady, especially not at her body.

"Umm, yeah," she says, glancing down at her t-shit and shorts. "Charlie."

Who is Charlie? A low growl emits from my chest at the thought of her with another man.

Bella gasps, breaking me out of my Charlie rage. "What was that? Did you just growl?" She asks.

"I have indigestion...from breakfast," I say the first thing that comes into my head.

"Oh," she replies, giving me a slightly disgusted glance. "You should get some Tums. You don't sound well."

"So, Charlie brought you clothes," I say, hoping to change the subject back to our previous discussion. I don't exactly want to talk about anything else, especially not stomach gases.

"Charlie brought me clothes," she repeats verbatim.

"Is that your brother?" I ask, glancing around the room.

"I'm an only child."

"Oh," I reply brilliantly. I didn't even consider the possibility that she would have a..._Charlie_. What do I do now?

A small giggle brings me out of my worried-filled head.

"Umm," she pauses, "Edward?"

I rasie my head quickly the moment my name escapes from her beautiful and conscious lips.

"Yes, Bella?" I respond as I try to remain calm.

"Charlie's my dad," she says with a small smile.

"That's fantastic!" I exclaim.

She shakes her head and looks down at her lap. "Not really," she mumbles.

I want to ask her why she said that. She looks so sad, but I am not sure how to bring it up.

"Edward, can I ask you a question," she asks, lifting her eyes to my face.

"Anything," I reply in a husky voice which causes her eyes to grow wide and her heart to race. I pretend to clear my throat hoping it will be excuse enough for my previous tone. "Sorry," I say normally. "You can ask me anything, Bella."

She nods and takes a deep breath. "Do you love your parents?" Bella asks in a quiet voice.

"My parents died a long time ago," I answer her.

She lifts her head, sadness fills her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I thought Carlisle..."

I lift my hand to stop her, "No need to apologize, Bella. In all the ways that count Carlisle is my father. I love Carlisle and Esme very much. I know they are always there for me." I respond truthfully.

She gives me a small smile. "Do you enjoy having so many siblings?" She questions.

"Do you know them," I ask, shock leaking into my voice. Not a single one of them have given me any inkling that they have spoken to her.

She shakes her head, relieving my worries. "Well, of course, I have seen them at school. Your family is kind of hard not to notice."

I chuckle. "Well, Emmett is quite large."

Her smile grows a little more. "He is big," she agrees. "It's just...you all are so...beautiful," she says quietly. At her emission her cheeks turn pink and her breathing picks up. She glances out the window as she taps her finger on the bed rail nervously.

"Are your parents going to visit today?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

She sighs, looking back at me. "No."

"Why?" I question before I can stop myself.

Bella smiles sadly. "Do you ever feel like you don't belong?" She asks me a different question in return.

"Yes," I answer her softly as I shallowly nod my head.

Her cheeks fill with air before she pushes it all out, letting her lips billow with the release of air. I can't help but grin at the way it distorts her face. She glances up at me and gives me another smile. It's not quite so sad.

"Me too," she says.

"Bella," I say, silently rejoicing in saying her name. "Can I ask you a question?"

She stares at me, and it feels as though she is looking through me, examining every inch of my being.

She finally nods, granting me permission.

"Do you love your parents?"

"Yes," she says quietly. "They just don't love me."

"How could anyone not love you?" I ask. Obviously, I have no filter, at all.

"Hmm?" She looks up at me. "You spoke too quickly. I couldn't understand you."

_Oh, thank you, God._

"I said, how could they not love you."

_Shit, not much better. _

"Umm..." she mumbles as her cheeks tint pink once more.

"I mean," I start, hopefully sparing us both embarrassment, "parents love their children. Why do you say yours don't love you?"

She sighs again and bites her bottom lip. "It's not important."

"Please, Bella, I want to know," I say quietly, urging her to trust me.

_You can confide in me, my Bella._

"It didn't come out like I meant it," she finally says.

"What did you mean?" I ask.

She scoffs and raises her eyebrows. "You're a really pushy person, Edward. Did you know that?"

I smile. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to invade your privacy."

"Yes, you do," she answers quickly.

"I do what?"

"You want to invade my privacy, Edward," she says, emphasizing each word.

"Well, Bella, it's only fair."

"Why?" She asks suspiciously.

"I told you about my family when you asked."

She crinkles her nose in thought. What a beautiful crinkled nose.

"That's true," she responds finally. "It's just that..."

"Bella," I interrupt her, "will you please tell me about your family?" I ask, staring into her eyes. I'm not sure how long this moment lasts, but it's wonderful and, in my opinion, too short. I could look into her eyes forever.

She finally shakes her head as she blinks rapidly. She looks disoriented.

"What were we talking about?" She slurs.

"Your parents."

"Charlie and Renee," she replies. She is a quiet for a moment before she speaks. "My mother doesn't even know I'm sick," she admits in a whisper.

"Why not?"

"I haven't told her," she looks up at me, silently begging for me to understand. "It's just that growing up with Renee, I was the one who had to take care of everything. She habitually ignored me as well. Renee would find some new man and leave me alone night after night. When she didn't have a boyfriend, she would go out every evening patrolling for men. She would just throw herself at anyone, my teachers, policemen, the grocery store employee. It didn't matter. She also liked to say that if it weren't for me, she would have someone that she wouldn't be alone."

She clenches her fists making the veins under her skin more pronounced as her eyes fill with anger and sadness. I want to ease her hurt, but I'm not sure I know how.

"She finally found someone who was stupid enough to marry her, so she shipped me here to live with Charlie." She lets out a small sigh before she continues. "I know Charlie cares somewhere deep down inside, at least, I hope he cares. We hardly spoke before I moved in with him, though, and we speak even less now that I am here all the time. He brought me these clothes and then left immediately. It was the only time he came up here. He can't tell me or show me that he cares. I just..."

She stops mid sentence, opening and closing her mouth like she is going to continue but doesn't know what to say. She closes her eyes as she takes a deep breath.

"Why don't they care?" Bella asks in a shaky voice as tears fill her eyes. "Why don't they love me?" A few of the salty droplets escape her eyes and they leave a glistening trail down her cheeks.

I want to murder her parents for making her feel this way. How could they let their beautiful, intelligent, funny, amazing daughter doubt that she is worthy of love! I want to tear their fucking heads off!

I close my eyes to calm myself down. Bella does not need to see me like this. Once I regain some control, I step closer toward her. I want to touch her, comfort her, show her how much she is loved and cherished.

"I never want to be like that," Bella finally says in a quiet voice. She turns her head to look out the window. She lets out a little huff of air as she continues, "I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore, do I?"

"Bella," I start.

"No," she stops me, "I don't need your pity. It is what it is." She situates herself lower in the bed and turns on her side facing away from me. She closes her eyes. "I just need to sleep," she sighs.

"Alright, sleep well" I say to her. "I love you, Bella," I also say in a whisper too quiet for her ears.

I hesitantly turn to leave and I walk toward the door. As soon as I close it behind me, I hear Bella crying softly, tiny mewing noises and gasps that break my heart.

I spin and walk down the hall as fast as a human could possibly. I make it as far as the stairwell before my body collapses beneath me as the first wave of tearless sobs pulse through my body.

* * *

**I would love to know what you think. Did Bella's backstory help answer any questions you might have had. They are finally talking, and crying...  
**

**Also, there is a fantastic thing happening right now called the The Indie TwiFic Awards. Everyone needs to go and nominate the stories they love that don't get a billion reviews. If the story you want to nominate is mine, well, I won't stop you. ;) www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com**

**Come by the forum to say hi. I'm posting outtakes there now as well. The link is on my profile. **

**Don't forget to review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hiya! Well, as some of you know, I am at the beach right now, soaking in the sun!! It has been fabulous so far, but I still wanted to post the chapter for y'all today. I know, I know, I'm awesome. ;) (lol)**

**Nominations are still up for the Indie Twific Awards! You need to go nominate your favorite stories. It would mean a lot to your fave fanfic authors!! Speaking of an Indie Author, I think y'all should try out Betwixt by Queenofgrey. It's an AH story...maybe! ;) It's fun and I like anything where Bella gets called food names.  
**

**The song for this chapter is If She Wants Me by Belle & Sebastian. Love & Enjoy!**

**I do not own Twilight...at all. **

* * *

_I hesitantly turn to leave and I walk toward the door. As soon as I close it behind me, I hear Bella crying softly, tiny mewing noises and gasps that break my heart._

_I spin and walk down the hall as fast as a human possibly could. I make it as far as the stairwell before my body collapses beneath me as the first wave of tearless sobs pulse through my body_.

* * *

After a moment, I am able to sit up enough to scoot my body across the floor. I place my back to the wall, subconsciously protecting myself while in my weakened state. I have never felt so wretched. I had made Bella cry, the one girl I swore I would make happy.

_Edward._

I turn my face into the wall as Carlisle's cold hand pats my shoulder with a light squeeze, letting me see how much he cares through his thoughts, but I'm not done wallowing.

_Are you okay?_

He waits patiently for me to speak, but I don't know what to say. I have never felt like this, acted in this manner.

Am I okay?

I shrug my shoulders while my head shakes back and forth.

"Bella?" I finally question. Has she stopped crying? She needs comfort, love...she needs someone to hang her parents by their ankles until the beg for forgiveness for the pain they have caused their daughter...

_She will be okay. She is just overwhelmed.  
_

"I made her cry, Carlisle," I say with a sigh as I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Alice told me that if I talked to her, it would make her happy." I close my eyes before I continue. "I made her cry," I grit out through clenched teeth.

_Edward, listen to me. You weren't the reason she was upset, just the catalyst for her emotions. That poor girl is alone in there. She is alone, dying and scared out of her mind. Her strained relationship with her parents made her upset, as it should. Why do you think she accepts her fate so easily? _

"Because she in an exceptional being," I answer in a muted tone.

_Maybe, but also when you don't have parental love or support during your developmental years, it is hard to get over that. If you feel undeserving of love, it is difficult to see that you are even worth it. Trust me, I know._

I look up at him now with question in my eyes. Carlisle purses his lips and then sighs before he continues aloud.

"Nothing I ever did was good enough for my father. In his eyes, I was flawed, a sinner. I tried everything I could do to change his opinion of me. I followed in his footsteps and chose the clergy as my career. I fed the poor, helped the elderly and donated all of my monetary gain back into the community and the church," he stops, shaking his head from the memories.

"That's why I led the raid that night. I was so desperate to prove that I was good enough! I didn't even believe in vampires, but I was determined to find them and murder them in the name of God, in the name of my father."

Carlisle chuckles humorlessly. "We all know how well that turned out for me," he says as he moves his hands quickly in front of his body, showcasing his cold, dead form.

He breathes out deeply and sits on the floor beside me on the right, putting his feet straight out in front of him. "That night after I was bitten it was like everything he said was true. I was now evil, an abomination. It just proved to me that he was right, like he could see it all along. I had never felt so ashamed and sickened of myself as I did when I realized what I had become," he says as he places his face in his right hand, covering his eyes.

"Carlisle," I finally say, "your father was a fool if he thought you were not a good person. He obviously did not know you at all. I know no one better than you."

"Thank you, Edward," Carlisle responds, "I understand now that it truly did not matter what I did, he was never going to be a loving and approving father. It just took me a while to realize that I was good enough and deserving of happiness."

I let his words mull in my mind for a moment, replaying Carlisle's confession.

"Are you trying to relate your story to me or Bella?" I finally ask as I turn to look at him, raising my eyebrow in thought.

He gives me a small smile. "You picked up on the that, did you?" He questions.

I scoff while I nod my head in answer.

"Edward," he says seriously, "you need to stop seeing yourself as a monster. You keep thinking you have to prove yourself time and time again, but what are you trying to prove? And, more importantly, to whom? We all know what a fantastic man you are, but you are going to have to see it for yourself. Stop doubting that you deserve happiness." His thoughts reflect his words and his love for me.

"Stop doubting that you deserve love," he continues in a calm, quiet voice.

"What are you saying, Carlisle?" I ask with a slight sneer. "Do you want me to just go in there and announce my love to Bella?"

_Please, Edward, you know that is not what am I saying._

Huffing, I lift myself off the floor to stand before him. "It's too damn hard, Carlisle. All it is, is pain, suffering and tears," I say, letting my voice trail off. "I don't think I can handle it."

Carlisle stands up to look me in the eye. "And, when you're happy?" He questions.

"When I'm happy?" I repeat, confused by his fragmented inquiry.

"I mean," he says, giving me a small smile. "For example, how do you feel when she says your name?"

"Uh, I don't know. It's like a bolt of electricity running through my body. It makes my ears tingle," I confess.

"When she smiles at you?" He continues.

"I can't help but smile back. It just lights up her entire face," I gush as my lips turn up at the image of Bella grinning at me.

_See, Edward, that is why the pain is so worth it. We would have no counter-reference for hurt without love. It's hard because you love her. It hurts because you don't want her in pain. You cried because she was crying. She is still going to get much worse, Edward. I think Alice was right..._

He puts both hands on my shoulders suddenly before pulling me into a tight hug, and I don't hesitate to throw my arms around Carlisle, my father.

_She needs you, Edward. Almost as much as you need her. _

Nodding, I take a step back. I know what I have to do.

"I'm going back to try and comfort her. She shouldn't be alone," I confirm.

"I think that is a good idea, Edward," Carlisle replies, giving me a small smile.

I return it with my own and exit the stairwell, hesitating in the hallway. I then hear Bella still sniffling in her hospital room, though, and all my doubts and wavering emotions leave my body the moment her sad, sweet voice hits my ears.

She needs me.

Without knocking, I slowly open the door and step into the room.

"No thank you. I'm not hungry," her muffled voice says from the bed. Bella is on her stomach with her face buried in the pillow that is swallowing her tears.

"Bella," I whisper.

A small cry catches in her throat, but she does not lift her face.

"Why are you here, Edward?" She questions.

My heart jumps a little at the fact that she recognizes my voice, but I can't celebrate that right now.

"I shouldn't have left before," I say as I step closer toward her.

"I asked you to leave," she replies, as her fingers play with the edge of her pillow.

"I know, Bella, but I should have stayed. You didn't need to be alone," I pause. "You don't have to be alone."

At my confession, she sits up and turns her body to face me as she runs the back of her hand under her nose. Her eyes are accusatory, staring into me, and I am scared she can hear the truth behind my words.

You don't have to be alone.

_I am going to be here for you. I love you. Always._

I can't take her gaze anymore, so I turn toward the bathroom to grab some tissue for her. I can feel Bella's beautiful, brown eyes boring holes into my back.

She takes it with a silent nod, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose.

"Thank you," she says quietly.

"Of course, Bella."

_I would do anything for you._

"Edward," she finally starts, "I appreciate your concern, but I don't need you to babysit me." She shakes her head slightly, moving her eyes down to her hands where she is flicking her thumbnails together.

"I want to be here, Bella," I mumble. I can't seem to censor my words when it comes to the girl before me.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. I have to do something to take her mind off everything, to make her happy.

"Bella, what is your favorite word?" I ask with an innocent smirk.

"What?" She questions, furrowing her brow.

"You know, your favorite word, as in spoken," I explain.

"I understand the question, Edward. I just don't understand why you are asking?" She responds with a small sneer.

_You are even beautiful when you're angry._

"It's just to get to know each other better," I say as I stare into her eyes, doing the exact same thing yesterday got her to answer me. Maybe, it will work again.

Her eyes kind of glaze over and her mouth falls open for a few seconds, and then Bella shakes her head to escape whatever trance she was under.

"Obsidian," She finally says as she looks away from me. Her face tints pink again, and her scent gets a little stronger from the blood pooling in her face. I wonder what caused that reaction as I swallow the venom down my throat.

"Ok," she says, looking at me expectantly. "What is your favorite word?"

"Bewitching," I say with a crooked grin.

_You have bewitched me, body and soul, Bella, my love._

"Oh," she gasps, "I love that word, as well. It's what Mr. Darcy says to Elizabeth," she replies with a huge grin on her face. I helped with that smile, and that fact makes my skin almost tingle with excitement.

"Well, what a great segue into my next question," I say. "What is your favorite book?"

"I think you found me out!" She exclaims. "It's _Pride & Prejudice_," Bella laughs. It is the most wonderful sound that has ever graced my ears. She is magnificent.

"I love that book as well," I say which causes Bella to look up at me with an expression of disbelief. "I do, Bella. Quit looking at me with so much doubt," I joke. Bella smiles a little at my teasing which in turn causes me to grin, and we just stop in this moment, looking at each other with goofy smiles on our faces.

_I love you._

Bella cuts her eyes to the windows, breaking our gaze, and then looks back at me. "Alright, Edward, what's your favorite book?"

"Hmm..._The Great Gatsby_ or _The Sun Also Rises_," I state.

"Fitzgerald and Hemingway?" Bella questions with a scoff. "Could you have picked two bigger sexists?"

"I don't think they were sexist," I reply. "They..."

Bella interrupts, "Oh, please!"

"No," I say with a grin, "if you hadn't interrupted me, I would have explained my reasoning." I respond, raising my eyebrow, and Bella gives me a hand signal to continue. "I just don't think they understand women. They fall in love, knowing they aren't the best person for their beloved, but they try to do what they think is best. They are just confused. Take Gatsby, he tries to make himself into what Daisy wants, but he does not really know the best way to go about it."

"Yes, I see what you're saying, Edward," Bella interjects. "Yet, the image Fitzgerald creates of Daisy is not a becoming one at all. She is spoiled, lazy, selfish and greedy. He lets the reader know that no matter how hard Gatsby tries, he is never going to get the girl because she is a flawed character," she says with passion.

"Gatsby is flawed as well, Bella. No one is perfect, and his love for her overshadows her faults."

"Just because he doesn't see them, doesn't mean that they aren't there, Edward," She replies, looking a little sad again.

Time to change the subject.

"What is your favorite involuntary reaction?" I ask. Bella lets out one loud laugh before she covers her face, blushing and looking embarrassed.

"Well, I didn't expect that question," she says with a chuckle. "Umm...I guess yawning," she answers, her voice raising at the end.

"I really enjoy a good blush," I say in a calm voice.

"B-blushing?" She stutters. "Ha, I think I know a little something about that." She fidgets in the bed and looks out the window.

A crooked grin covers my face. I want to say more, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable.

"Edward, what is your biggest regret," Bella asks suddenly. She looks up at me expectantly, waiting for my answer.

"Regret?" I ask, giving myself time to think. "I believe that my biggest regret is not living life to its fullest."

"What do you mean?" She questions, concern etched into her face.

"For a long time, longer than I care to divulge, I have been hiding away from life. I haven't taken the time to enjoy myself, and I wish that I had," I answer truthfully. She doesn't need to know that she is the reason for my recent reaffirmation of life.

"I understand completely, Edward. It's easier to hide away than risk getting hurt. I can relate to that all too well," she says with a sad smile.

"What do you regret, Bella," I ask, worried what her answer will be.

"I regret," she starts, looking rather nervous, "now, don't laugh, but I regret that I have never been kissed." She laughs uncomfortably which causes her to cough. It quickly escalates into a coughing fit, and it reminds me how sick Bella is. She looks so small and weak in the bed before me.

I move closer to her, placing my hands on her back, helping her sit to alleviate the coughing. Her heartbeat picks up the moment I touch her, and if my heart still beat, it would be racing as well.

I'm touching her; she's so warm, so soft. I close my eyes for a second to relish in the feeling of her beautiful shoulders beneath my cold hands.

"Thank you," she says once she get control over her body, her chest and shoulders still trembling slightly. "I guess that coughing is my least favorite involuntary reaction," she says with a small smile.

"It's no problem, Bella. Are you okay, now?" I ask.

"Yes, I'm okay," she answers as she takes a deep breath. "Umm...Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?" I say in a quiet voice. She looks over her shoulder at my hands on her upper back and clears her throat.

"Oh," I mumble, moving my hands to my sides. "Sorry." I would be blushing right now if I had the ability.

"It's okay, Edward. I didn't mind," she says warmly, situating herself back into the bed.

"So," I ask, changing the subject back to our question game. "What is your favorite color?"

"Gold. And, you?"

"Brown." The color of your eyes.

"Brown?" She asks. "Why? It's so boring. Trust me, I'm brown."

"No, that is a misconception. Brown is warm, deep, comforting and beautiful," I say as I stare into her eyes.

_You are all those things and so much more, Bella. So much more. _

She chuckles nervously and takes a deep breath. "Gold can be all those things as well, Edward," she says with an alluring smile.

Now, it is my turn to be anxious as I clear my throat uncomfortably.

I open my mouth to reply, but my beeper goes off, alerting me to the fact that I do indeed have to work. As much as I want to, I can't stay in here all day.

"Well," I start, "work calls." I turn to leave.

"Umm...Edward?"

I look back at her, giving her a smile, encouraging her to continue.

"Thank you," she continues simply.

"For what?"

"For talking to me, I really enjoyed it," she answers.

"It was my pleasure, Bella."

"If you'd like, you can come back and ask me more questions."

"You can count on it. Tomorrow?"

She nods and smiles, warming my cold skin like the rays of the sun.

"I'll see you then, Bella."

I turn and leave, lightly closing the door behind me. I hesitate for a moment at the door, not looking forward to the separation when I hear Bella speak from her room.

"I'm looking forward to it, Edward," she whispers, and a crooked grin forms on my face.

It stays there for the rest of the day.

* * *

**So, what do you think? Come by the forum and say hi! There are some outtakes from earlier chapters, and I am going to do a Bella outtake for this chapter and post it on there Monday or Tuesday! (when I get back from vacation) The link is on my profile! ;)**

**Also, if you haven't done it, I would love for you to check out my entry for the Age of Edward contest. **

**Please, review! If you haven't reviewed yet, do it for this chapter. Let's get to 300 reviews!!! Come on, it will be fun. :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Well, hello there. I hope everyone is well. Hmm...let's see, I created an iMix on iTunes with all the songs for BHLB. Just search for Before Her Last Breath under the iMix app. I hope you can find it. Only one song didn't transfer, but the others are all there. Speaking of music, this chapter's song is Slow Show by the National. Please listen to it. I love it, quite a bit.  
**

**Okay, also if you have not come by the forum, I wish you would. It's quite entertaining, and there is a certain contest that Mombailey has started. Umm...you just need to come by and participate. The link is on my profile. **

**I know if I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, but I don't own Twilight. **

* * *

After I finally leave Bella and rip my body from the outside of her closed door, I respond to the page. I take the elevator up two floors and greet the attending doctor at the nurse's station. A little girl has broken her arm, and they really don't need me to read the X-Ray to confirm this. It's all pretty straightforward, but, since I am technically an Intern, they want me here as well for learning purposes. I follow the other physician, Dr. Bailey, into the room to greet the family and share the information about her multiple fractures.

A little girl with long brown hair is sitting in the middle of the bed, absentmindedly playing with some plastic horse with dark red jewel eyes and glittery pink string-like hair. Her left arm sits in a sling while her right runs the horse up and down the bed rail as far as she can reach. I tune into the child's mind which is something I have not done in many years, and she is making clopping noises while silently neighing and braying.

Her innocence is charming and surprisingly very entertaining to listen to and to watch. Her mother stands up as soon as she hears us enter, and moves to stand closer to her daughter. She places her hands on the small girl's shoulders, and her daughter looks up at her with obvious love and admiration in her eyes.

This is what Bella is missing. This is what she needs.

While I am pondering my love, the child turns her face to look at us, clutching her pink toy horse to her chest. I practically stop in my place the moment she looks up because she has big, beautiful brown eyes and her face resembles Bella's in an uncanny way.

Is that what Bella looked like as a child, happy, loved, secure? From the stories she told me earlier, I sadly conjure up a different image of her when she was this age. One that is not filled with toothy grins and pink horses. I wish it had been, but I can not control the past.

I barely have a grip on the present.

Dr. Bailey walks up to the mother and introduces herself before she goes into more detail about the break, her bones, surgery, etc. I should be listening or acting like I am listening, but I can only concentrate on the child before me. She is frightened of the doctors and of being in the hospital, and I can't stand for her to be afraid. She reminds me so much of the young woman I just left, and I can't seem to do enough to protect Bella. I can help this child, though.

"Hi," I say to her. "My name is Dr. Cullen. What's your name?"

"Melissa," she answers me in a quiet voice. Her eyes never leave her small, plastic horse.

"What is your horse's name?" I ask her, trying to find something she wants to talk about.

She looks up at me with a furrowed brow, a tiny grimace on her face. "It's a My Little Pony," she states in a matter-of-fact tone.

"My apologies," I say with a smile. "What is your My Little Pony's name?"

"Rebecca," she replies, stroking the dark pink fiber hair.

"That's a pretty name for a pony," I say warmly which causes her to giggle and nod her head. Her thoughts are no longer filled with giant needles and evil doctors, and I am happy I could make her smile.

"Your very pretty," she laughs out, studying my face with the intensity only a could child possess. "Your eyes are like Rebecca's eyes, they sparkle, but her has a ruby. That's what Mommy said. Mommy wanted Rebecca to be Ruby," she says with a nod.

"Why did you name her Rebecca?" I ask her, encouraging her to answer with a friendly smile and a teasing tone.

"That's my mommy's name," she states proudly. "I love Mommy." Her mother whose back has been turned to us while she is chatting with Dr. Bailey, turns and gives her daughter a small but warm hug at her emission. Seeming to not be paying attention to the child in the bed, but she is actually constantly aware of her wants and needs.

The scene before me is almost overwhelming because this is what family is, this is what true, unrelenting love is. I know I will never know first hand the love of a mother and child, but I don't think I have ever witnessed anything stronger in my long life.

It makes me feel even more for Bella, and her non-existent relationship with her parents, especially her mother. How dare she be denied something that every human needs, affection, attention, kindness, understanding, love.

I love you, Bella, and I hope it will be enough.

Dr. Bailey dismisses me, thanking me for my assistance. I give a small good-bye to Melissa, and she waves Rebecca at me in return. I leave the room with another smile on my face as my thoughts return to Bella and our previous conversation - the one without the tears.

I do actually have a lot of work to catch up on. I have not been a very good employee since I met Bella. I have left early, hid myself away in her room, stared at the blank walls in my office, and basically stopped doing anything that would be considered productive for my career or the hospital. I can't find it in myself to regret that, though.

I make my way to my office, and I can see my smug smile and strut reflected through the eyes and minds of the humans surrounding me. I greet those I know and nod to the ones whose names escape me. Instead of staring blankly at me, this time, a few of them acknowledge me as well.

_I have never seen him act this way! Is he on some sort of stimulant or drug?_

_Is he whistling?_

_God, he's sexy when he smiles. _

I let the thoughts rush through me, not really concentrating on anything but the image of Bella in my mind. She is so beautiful, and she is actually looking forward to talking to me. I swear I could turn a square right here in the middle of this hallway from happiness!

I ride the elevator to my floor, tapping my foot along to the saxophone styling of Kenny G, and I fight the urge to do some crazy acrobatic flip out of the opening doors.

I ignore Sally, which is my custom, and enter my small cubicle sized office. The moment I plop into my chair, the telephone on my desk rings.

"Dr. Cullen," I answer after I put the phone to my ear, supporting it with my shoulder.

"Sooo," a tiny voice replies, pulling the small word out for at least ten seconds. "How did it go?"

"You know how it went, Alice," I say in a light teasing tone. I am in too good of a mood to be annoyed with her.

"Someone is in a much better mood," she notes with a smile in her voice.

"Yes, you don't sound upset at all," I chuckle.

"Wait," she screeches. "Was that a joke?"

"I have been known to make a joke before," I say, a small amount of irritation leaking into my voice. Well, maybe I was wrong before, I can be slightly annoyed.

"Yeah, you're just a regular Johnny Carson," she retorts sarcastically.

"Well, Alice, as much fun as this is, I am quite a busy man. What exactly do you need?"

"I just wanted to let you know not to give up," she says in a serious and ominous tone.

"What..."

"Bye!!" She squeaks loudly, interrupting me and hanging up the phone.

I place the receiver back in the cradle. "Bye," I mumble to myself. "Frustrating pixie."

I spend the rest of my day trying to concentrate on work. Of course, all thoughts lead to Bella. When Mrs. Washington, an 81 year old school teacher came down to have images taken of her failing hips, I thought of Bella in school and wondered what subjects she likes the most. My mind then turned to the swell of Bella's hips, and I had to quickly leave the room to collect myself.

Thankfully, the afternoon does not drag and I am not too terribly busy, so at 6 sharp, I am ready to leave.

I just need to stop in to tell Bella good night.

Walking down the hall toward her room, I can feel the anticipation racing through my body like adrenaline, pulling me closer and closer to her room. I feel completely out of control, but I don't mind. I actually kind of enjoy it.

I knock on the door as I open it, not waiting for her to grant me entrance.

Bella is standing at the window, staring at the darkening sky.

"Twilight," I say quietly, "is my least favorite time of the day."

"Why?" She asks, not turning around.

I walk closer toward her, but not close enough to frighten her. Her heartbeat picks up, pulsing the blood through her veins at a more rapid rate. I swallow the venom pooling in my mouth, and I take one more step in her direction. I can feel her body heat radiating off of her small figure, warming me, calming me. I breathe her in, the delicious blend of freesia and strawberry hits my nose as it swirls around her, permeating my body with her scent.

I could reach out and touch her, run my fingers down her arms, pull her flush against my body, but I don't. I remain rooted in this spot, two feet away from her.

"It is the end of the day, and with darkness, there are too many places to hide," I answer as I watch her shoulders rise and fall with each breath.

"I have never been afraid of the dark," she replies. "It has always been almost a sanctuary for me."

"What do you mean?" I question.

_What are we talking about?_

"I suppose you're right," she agrees, ignoring my question and nodding her head as she turns around to face me. "It is easy to hide at night, but I guess I'm more afraid of being found than being left undiscovered." She says in a quavering voice before she breaks our stare, turning to look back at the moon that is rising in the sky.

"Why do you say that, Bella?"

"I don't know," she replies with a deep sigh. She spins around again, searching my face with her eyes, penetrating my being with her stare.

"What are you thinking?" I ask, frustrated with myself because her mind is silent. I have felt burdened by my gift for decades now, and with the one person whose mind I can not enter, I want nothing more than to know her every thought, idea, feeling, notion, dream and desire.

I want to know it all.

Her face tints pink as the blush rises into her cheeks. Her breathing deepens, and I can hear the fluid in her lungs, the raspy and ragged undertone to each intake of air. The constant reminder of her illness, her eminent death.

"I'm thinking," she pauses, bracing her shoulders for whatever she is going to say, "that this could all be a dream. A crazy, horrible dream, but, then again, maybe it's a good dream because here you are, standing before me."

She closes her eyes, and stands completely still and silent. I don't know if she is waiting for me to speak, but I don't have a clue what to say.

I open my mouth to mumble out some sort of response, but Bella beats me to it.

"If this were a dream, this would be the time when you would kiss me," she breathes out, clenching her shut lids tighter as if she is willing it to happen.

Oh, God, what do I do? Can I kiss her without sinking my teeth into her supple flesh? Does my body crave her more than the monster in me craves her blood? I can't be sure, and I can't take such a risk with her life.

"Bella," I say my voice heavy and thick, "I can't..."

Her eyes fly open as embarrassment floods her features. "I'm sorry. Please, don't say anything else," she interrupts, putting her hand up in front of her as she steps away from me. "How could I be so stupid?" She mutters to herself. "He would never want you, Bella."

How can she think that? I want her so much it physically hurts.

"It's not that," I start. "Please, don't think that." She looks up at me as her eyes widen in shock. I step closer to her until we are almost touching, and I can feel her breath on my chest. It's a wonderful sensation.

I lean my face down, closing the distance between us at an excruciatingly slow rate, but I am scared to move too quickly. I let my nose lightly trail down her face from her forehead to her ear, desperately trying to control my desire as Bella shudders and trembles beneath me.

"It's not that I don't want to kiss you," I whisper into her ear. "I just don't think I can, Bella. I'm not strong enough."

"Please," she says, closing her eyes as they fill with tears. "Please, Edward," she repeats.

I nod slightly, giving in, relinquishing myself to the fragile human girl who has stolen my heart.

I gently move my lips to her cheek, pressing them into the soft flesh, and her skin molds around my stone-like mouth. I move my mouth to the other side, repeating my actions, taking in all that I can. I don't think I will ever be able to touch her again. If she hasn't noticed already, she'll remember later how cold I feel, how inhuman.

I drag my nose back up to her forehead, barely grazing her skin, so softly I don't even know if she can feel it.

I can.

I kiss her forehead softly before I lower my head to hers, lightly placing my forehead against hers. Her eyes are closed and her breaths are rapid, almost as quick as her heart. I swallow another mouthful of venom, but I need fresh air. I need to hunt. I can feel my control slipping slightly, so, unfortunately, it's time to leave.

"Good night, Bella," I say. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She simply nods as she clenches her fists at her sides, never opening her eyes. I turn to leave, forcing myself away from the only thing I want.

"Edward," she calls out. "You didn't have..."

I spin around as quickly as I can without alerting her to what I truly am. "Bella," I interrupt, "Don't. I wanted to do that, more than you know."

She opens her mouth to speak, and then shuts it, her sudden emotions furrowing her brow. She shakes her head slowly. "Why?" She asks in a forlorn voice, breaking my heart.

Does she not see how beautiful she is?

"I have wanted to do that from the moment I saw you," I say forcefully. "It's not right and it wasn't planned, but I can't deny it. You are so utterly, unbelievable beautiful, strong and kind. I have never met another like you, Bella."

She looks back up at me as her heart races, and I can see the blood pumping through her carotid artery, reminding me that I really need to leave. I don't want her to misunderstand my actions for running away, but it is not like I can just explain my blood lust to her.

A small close lipped smile forms on her face. "Good night, Edward," she says clearly before she turns to look back out the window.

"Sweet dreams," I reply, moving toward the door.

"I'm sure they will be," she retorts quietly in a smug tone.

I leave the hospital immediately, running as soon as I am hidden from sight. I take out two deer and a small bobcat on my way to the house, burying their carcasses under a boulder. I barely take the time to enjoy the blood, but it does slightly sooth the constant burn in the back of my throat.

I slow right before I reach the house, leaping onto the porch and throwing the door open.

Rosalie and Emmett are watching some show on the television, cuddled together on the couch.

"Where's Alice?" I ask, my voice a touch frantic.

"She left," Emmett mutters, his eyes still glued to the screen.

"Where did she go? When will she back?" My voice raises with each word, and I know I need to calm down. I just can't seem to get control over my emotions.

Where's Jasper when you need him?

Rosalie looks up at me, studying my face meticulously with a raised eyebrow. "Are you okay, Edward?" She asks, actually sounding kind for once.

I sink into the loveseat beside them with a groan, shaking my head back and forth.

"Do you know when Alice will be back?" I ask again. She has to know something. That phone call earlier was not just to chit-chat. Alice has a reason and purpose behind everything.

"She left this afternoon with Jasper," Rosalie answers, looking at me with a sad smile. "She said she needed to hunt, and that they would be back in time."

"In time for what?" I question, looking up at Rosalie with a confused look on my face.

"I don't know," she answers as she shrugs her shoulder.

"Ah, Eddie, man," Emmett says, finally turning his eyes away from the electronic device in front of him, "just relax. You know Alice wouldn't leave if she thought you didn't have everything under control, my brother." He states as he moves his hands, palms down, in a smooth motion in front of him.

"Emmett's right," Rosalie agrees, confirming her husband's words in her mind as she pats his leg lovingly. I try to close my mind to Emmett as the first wave of dirty thoughts rushes through his head. I wince at a particularly graphic image of Rosalie which alerts Emmett to how uncomfortable I am.

"Sorry," he says sheepishly, "Uh, what is the last thing the Pixie said to you, ya' know?" He asks, actively trying to steer his thoughts in another direction.

It's not working.

"She told me to not give up," I say, rehashing our earlier short phone conversation.

"Right," Emmett says distractedly, "well, do that."

"Sure," I reply, leaving the room as quickly as possible. I don't want to be around for what is about to happen. I reach my room, and I turn my music on as loudly as possible, trying to drown out the noise two floors below.

I let Bella enter my mind to help erase all thoughts of Rosalie and Emmett's escapades. I move to the couch and sprawl out on the leather cushions. I don't move a muscle or make a sound all night as the music plays; I just spend the night with my girl.

* * *

**Well, what do you think? I was going to add a little more, but I decided it would be better in next chapter. **

**So, I promised a Bella outtake for last chapter, but I actually never got around to it. I am going to try to write one for this chapter or last chapter still and put in on the thread, but I am not exactly when. Just keep an eye out!  
**

**I love to know what y'all are thinking, and I was blown away from the response to last chapter. I asked to see if we could make it to 300 reviews, and we got 300!! So, thank you for taking the time to give me your opinion. Why don't you do it again?!? Please...**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry about the delay in posting, guys. I could not seem to get myself together yesterday. I hope I am forgiven. Also, I wrote a E/B one shot for the Love through Lemons contest. It's called Embers to a Flame and you can find it on my profile. Y'all please check it out, let me know what you think...I am still rather nervous about writing smut. ;)  
**

**Alright, this chapter's song is You Can Have it All by Yo La Tengo. Listen, enjoy. **

**I don't own Twilight or Edward, but a girl can dream, right?**

* * *

When I finally decide to prepare for work, I let my mind wander to Alice and her cryptic words. I hope that she somehow sneaked into the house last night without my knowledge, and when I walk down the stairs, she is going to be at the bottom, waiting impatiently and bouncing from foot to foot, bursting to spill what she's been hiding.

She's not there.

Instead, I am greeted by a rather uncomfortable Rosalie.

_Can I talk to you?_

I nod and follow her onto the front porch. She doesn't say anything, silently or aloud, for a few minutes, and I am about to give up and go inside.

_You really have feelings for a human?_

Curiosity has replaced her constant scowl, but I still have to keep my wits about me when it comes to Rose. She has turned on me quickly before.

"Yes," I answer. "Bella."

_She's dying, right? What are you going to do? _

"What can I do, Rose?" I ask, dejection obvious in my voice as my eyes fall to the white-wash planks below my feet.

She looks at me, searching my face for something before nodding.

"You can save her," she says quietly.

I am flabbergasted. Out of everyone, I thought Rose would be the most opposed to changing Bella, vehement even. I actually have to snap my jaw shut once the shock clears.

"I never thought you would say that," I respond, honestly.

_Why?_

"Well, Rose, you are telling me to willingly take away this poor girl's humanity, her soul!" I respond, getting more worked up with each word.

_Edward, I have been listening to this whole dilemma for days, and I know it's scary the way our feelings change so quickly. It's permanent, though, and you are still going to be here once she dies._

"I know, but..."

_You haven't even considered it?_

"I have, of course, but it's not like I can discuss it with her."

_Who among us had the choice? Do I wish I could go back to being human if I had the opportunity? Yes, in a way, I do, but my human decisions were not leading me to the happiness I have found here, with Emmett, with our family. I can not regret being a vampire because I do not regret being in love. _

"I should just change her then. Is that your advice?" I ask, anger rising in my throat.

"My advice, Edward," she states, walking toward me, "is to follow your heart and to trust your instincts. Don't let fear of the unknown rule your choices."

"It is hard not to be afraid," I answer truthfully.

"You just have to face it head on, Edward," she says, placing a hand on my shoulder "I know I give you a hard time, but you're my brother. I love you."

She hugs me briefly, before moving away to glare at me.

_If you tell anyone I said that, I'll rip both your ears off._

"You have my word," I reply, covering said appendages with my hands.

I follow her back inside, and Carlisle is in the living room, waiting for us. Rosalie sneers halfheartedly in my direction, and then leaves the room.

"What was that about?" Carlisle asks, arching his eyebrow in question.

"Nothing, just Rose being Rose," I respond, shaking my head with mock disdain.

"Edward, I have to tell you something," Carlisle says seriously.

I look up, concern and fear covering my features. "What is it?" I ask quietly.

_Bella._

His silent response holds no answer, and I am becoming more and more frantic by the second.

"What about Bella? Tell me now, Carlisle!" I demand with a growl, pacing the floor in front of him.

_She didn't have a good night. She had to be placed on oxygen for a few hours and her blood pressue kept dropping. She was placed on some meds to help, and she's regulated, now. It wasn't good, though. She's weaker than I originally thought._

I don't take the time to respond. Once Carlisle pauses, I fly out the door and jump into the Volvo. I drive three times the speed limit toward the hospital while my mind is racing with concern for my Bella.

I see the blue lights in the review mirror before I hear the siren, and I pull over to the side of the road, cursing my preoccupied thoughts for not hearing the cop before he spotted me.

I wait impatiently, tapping my fingers forcefully before I realize I have dented my steering wheel. I try to smooth out the indention as much as possible, but I soon give up, strategically placing my hand over the small crater.

I tune into the cop's mind, hoping to pick up on something that will get me out of this, but I can only pick up snippets. It is like a radio station that is just out of range – noise then static.

Grabbing my license and registration, I roll down the window, preparing to make this as quick as possible.

"Do you know how fast you were going, son?"

I lift my eyes to the uniformed man's profile outside my window. He is about my height with dark hair and a mustache. He appears to be in his early forties, but it is hard to tell because I can't see his eyes behind the mirrored aviator glasses.

"No," I reply shortly.

He turns to face me, and my eyes are immediately drawn to the silver name tag attached to his shirt.

Swan.

"You were going 90 miles per hour in a 35. That's how fast you were going," he yells, pulling a bad cop routine.

_Oh, I wouldn't take an attitude with me, sir. I am already hanging onto my resolve by a thread. Do NOT push me any further. _

"Right, well, I just got some bad news about one of my patients that requires my presence at the hospital immediately," I pause, leaning a little out the window so I can read his name. "Swan, is it?" I ask

"Chief Swan," he corrects.

"What a coincidence," I say through clenched teeth. "My patient is an Isabella Swan."

His face falls and his thoughts turn dark at my emission. "That's my daughter," he replies. "What's wrong?" He asks with concern.

"Don't you know?" I ask, my venom boiling under my skin. "You are her father. You should be aware of her situation."

He winces at my words, turning his face away from me. "I'm aware," he mumbles. He takes his hat off and runs his hands through his hair before placing it back on his head. "How is she?" He asks, looking over the car to avoid eye contact.

"Lonely and scared," I answer in a calm tone. "She has no support system besides the doctors and nurses. She's dying and she's alone."

"God damn it," he says through gritted teeth as he rubs his face with his hands. "Listen, I am going to ignore this infraction, so you can go take care of my daughter. If I catch you going that fast again, you are not going to get out of it."

"I understand," I reply. "Will we be seeing you at the hospital later?"

He closes his eyes for a moment and then nods, tapping the roof of my Volvo to let me know to drive.

I hope for his sake that he shows up.

I continue to the hospital, now only going 20 miles over the limit, and I turn sharply into the parking lot. Barely taking the key out of the ignition, I am out the car and inside the building before the security locks beep.

Walking as quickly as I can toward the stairwell without causing suspicion, I don't even bother with pretenses of pretending to work this morning.

Opening my mind to the thoughts around me, I know the stairs are empty, so I take them running, eight at a time. I need to see Bella.

I walk briskly down the hall to her door, snapping her chart out and reading over it quickly. _Shit._ Carlisle was right.

I knock as I turn the knob, opening the door before she has a chance to deny me entrance. The moment I see her, the tension I didn't even know was there leaves my body. She's lying in the middle of the mattress, and the bed practically swallows her small frame, showing how truly frail she is. Her eyes are closed, but I can tell from her breathing, she's awake.

"Bella," I call out, unable to help myself.

She opens one eye languidly, peeking to see who has entered, and a small smile breaks out on her face. "Edward," she greets me, sounding genuinely happy.

"How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted," she sighs, rattling the fluid in her lungs. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

I nod, but I don't force her to say anything else. She will tell me if she wants.

"Edward, can I ask you a question?" She blurts out, her face oozing determination.

"Of course," I reply. "You can ask me anything, Bella."

"Do you believe in Heaven?"

I pause for a moment, taken aback by her inquiry.

"I like to think that human beings have souls, so I hope there is a Heaven out there. I can't picture my mother and father anywhere else," I answer the best I can.

Would she be asking me that if she knew what I was? A vampire, a variation of evil...

Heaven is most likely not in my future, but, Bella, I can see her as an Angel.

"What do you think?" I ask.

"I don't know," she replies, biting her bottom lip. "I've been thinking about it quite a bit here recently," she says with a frown. "It's hard for me to have faith, you know? I try, though. There are only so many times you can be knocked down before you just stop trying to get back up."

"You can have faith in me," I say, looking at the floor. She doesn't respond immediately, and I'm nervous I have finally scared her away. I chance a look back at her face, and she has tears in her eyes.

"I do, Edward," she states before blushing furiously.

"Bella, are you bored in here?" I ask and immediately want to put my foot in my mouth. It's not like she can go anywhere...way to rub it in.

"Sometimes," she replies nonchalantly. "Right now, not so much."

I smile at her answer. "Edward," she says in a mock serious tone, "I have a very important question."

"I'm all ears, love."

Bella's face tints pink again, and I desperately want to know what she's thinking. "Umm...sorry, I lost my train of thought," she mumbles. "Oh, right, if you could be any animal, what would you be?"

"A mountain lion," I reply with a small shrug.

"I can see that," she says, smiling. "Smooth and sinuous and slightly mysterious..." Her voice trails off.

"You forgot dangerous," I add.

"Ah," she smirks, raising her pointer finger in the air, "but I don't think you're dangerous. You definitely don't scare me."

"What are you scared of?" I question, furrowing my brows together.

"Let's see... gym class, water sports, cauliflower, Paris Hilton," she replies, jokingly counting off each _fear _on her fingers.

"Right, well, Paris Hilton I understand, but cauliflower?" I tease back, since she is obviously avoiding the question.

"It's just so white!" She exclaims. "It doesn't seem right that it doesn't have any color!"

My eyes flick quickly to my own pale skin, stark white and cold, before answering. "You are rather white yourself, Ms. Swan."

"Speak for yourself, Casper," she snorts.

I hold my hands up in defeat. "I give. You win, love."

She blushes again. "Ah, but there is your color, heating up your cheeks," I say, giving her a grin.

She laughs nervously. "I know. It's horrible."

"Personally, I think it's adorable," I respond with a wink.

"You don't have to say that," she says quietly.

"I know, but I wanted to. I think you're..."

A knock at the door interrupts me. It is probably for the best since every time I talk to her, I feel as though I am on the verge of blurting out my feelings. I can't imagine it would have gone well.

"Bells?" A man's voice asks from behind me, and I turn to see Chief Swan. His head is slightly down and his hat's in his hands in front of him. He looks ashamed, and he should be.

"Hi, Ch...Dad," Bella replies shyly.

I nod in his direction. "Chief Swan, nice to see you again so soon."

Bella's head pop up at my words, raising her eyebrow in question. "Your father pulled me over for speeding this morning," I answer before she opens her mouth to ask.

A small giggle escapes her lips, once again captivating me completely. I don't break my eyes away from her until a throat clears behind us...right...her father.

"Bells, how are you feeling?" He asks her while I move closer to the machines, pretending to check something. I can't seem to remember right now what this exactly does, though.

"Fine," she mumbles. _Liar_.

"Your mother called this morning," he tells her as he sits down in the small chair across from her bed.

"What did she say?" She asks smoothly, trying to sound nonchalant, but I can hear her heart racing.

"She was looking for you, Bells," he replies. "She had no idea all this was going on," he says with a little anger behind this tone.

I am about to give him a piece of my mind, or my teeth, but Bella once again proves she can stand up for herself.

"All this?" She asks with indignation, shaking her head. "I'm surprised to see you here, Charlie," she says with a sneer, changing the subject.

"I wanted to check on you," he replies sullenly.

"I'm fine," she pauses. "Just tired."

"Well, I should let you get some rest then," he says, shuffling toward the door. He turns back to her as his hand grabs the knob. "What should I tell your mother when she calls again?"

Bella scoffs as her eyes fill to the brim with tears. I clench my fists to keep from strangling her father, insensitive bastard.

"Tell her," she snaps, "that 'all this' shouldn't take too long, and she can stay in Arizona until the funeral." She clenches her jaw, holding in her emotions, waiting for him to leave.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he tells her softly. "I just don't know...." His words trail off into nothing, and with that, he's out the door.

I turn to face her, and she has her eyes clenched shut while she takes deep breaths, muttering obscenities to herself.

"I'll be right back, love," I let her know as I rush out the door after her father.

He's waiting at the elevator, eyes locked on the floor. "Chief Swan," I call out tersely. "Can I have a minute of your time, please."

He nods, not lifting his face, and he follows me down the hall until I find an empty room. I shut the door behind us, and turn to face him.

"I just want to make sure you understand how serious your daughter's situation is," I state in a cold voice. He backs away unconsciously from my tone.

He looks up at me, and his brown eyes, Bella's eyes, are blood shot, leaking tears down his face. "God, I'm a failure as a father," he mutters to himself before addressing me. "I understand, Dr. Cullen, but I just don't know what to do to make it better, what to say," he mumbles.

"Well, I suggest you figure it out soon," I tell him through gritted teeth, turning on my heel to leave the room before I act out on one of the murderous thoughts flying through my mind.

Keeping my back to him, I try once more, pleading on behalf of my beautiful Bella. "She needs her father. Why don't you just try being here for her?"

With that, I exit, leaving the Chief of Police sobbing alone in an empty hospital room.

Bella is napping in her room when I peek in the door. She needs sleep, poor girl was probably up all night.

I take the elevator to my floor, and luckily Sally is at lunch. I don't think I have any patience to spare for her today. I check in with my attending, and handle the tasks he assigns. I am just going through the motions, mindlessly completing any work that needs to be done.

Luckily, today is rather quiet, but in Forks, most days are. It's about two when I am able to break away to see Bella again. I just hope she's awake. I grab my lab coat, slipping my arms through the sleeves, and close my office door behind me.

"Dr. Cullen."

_Shit. _

"Sally," I respond. "I am going to check in with Carlisle, participate in rounds."

"Alright." She nods. "I can handle things until you get back."

"Right, well page me if I'm needed," I tell her, trying to figure out her change in attitude. Her thoughts are actually not explicit, and there is no sexual innuendos in her words.

"No problem," She says with a small smile as I pass her desk.

_Don't stare at his ass. He's not interested. Don't stare at his ass. _

I fight the urge to laugh at her thoughts, and I'm beyond ecstatic she figured out I am never going to sleep with her.

Smirking over this wonderful new development, I suddenly find myself outside Bella's door. I open the door silently, and look inside to make sure she's not resting. Instead of being in bed, she's sitting in the small chair with a book, and I put my hand to the wood, knocking lightly.

Placing her open book in her lap, she turns her head toward me. "Edward," she greets me with a tight lipped smile.

"I just wanted to check on you," I say, shutting the door behind me. "You had quite a stressful morning."

She winces before settling further into the chair, resting her chin on her chest. I want to raise her face to mine and kiss her lips. I wish I could.

"I'm sorry," she mutters.

"About?"

She scoffs. "Umm...the scene with my father this morning. I'm rather embarrassed."

"You shouldn't be," I say, moving a little closer. "None of that was your fault."

"It just hurts," she replies with a cracked voice.

Before I can stop myself, I am right next to her, stroking her hair, letting the delicate strands run through my fingers. She leans against my hand, encouraging me to continue.

As if I could stop.

She lets out a little content sigh, situating herself deep into the chair like a kitten pawing a blanket.

"Edward?" She asks, focusing on a loose thread on her clothes.

"Yes, love?"

I can feel the heat of her blush on my hand through her hair before she ducks her face down and pulls her knees up in the chair, hugging her body.

"What is it?" I ask. _Did I do something wrong? _

"Why do you keep saying that?" She mumbles out her question.

"Saying what?"

"As if you don't know, Edward," she replies, rolling her eyes. "You keep calling me love."

"Oh," I say, rather bluntly. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing it. I'll make a conscious effort to stop since it's making you uncomfortable."

"I didn't say that," she interjects quietly. "I kind of like it." She makes a small noise that is a cross between a squeal and a snort. It's the most adorable thing I have ever heard.

"Edward?" She asks again.

"Yes, love?"

She smiles brightly. "Would you like to play cards?"

"Sure," I respond, giving her a smile in return. "What game would you like to play? How about poker?" I ask.

"Oh," she laughs. "Alright. What are the stakes?"

"No stakes, love, I would just let you have it all, anyway." I answer with a grin.

She blushes, ducking her head down, and I reach over and put my fingers under her chin, raising her eyes to mine. We both smile stupidly, looking into the other's eyes.

She breaks our gaze to open the drawer in the table beside the chair. She takes out a pack of cards, and begins shuffling. "Well, I hope you're ready to lose your shirt," she retorts. As soon as the words come out of her mouth, she blushes a darker red than ever before.

I swallow my venom down before a loud laugh escapes my throat. "One step at at time, love."

She lets out a little tinkling laugh as she deals the cards, nodding her head in agreement.

We play cards until she begins to yawn, so I get up to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" She questions.

"Of course," I answer, moving my hand slowly toward her face, running my finger gently from her brow to her jaw, before I lean in and kiss her on the forehead. I let my lips linger against her skin, warming my entire body with the minimal contact.

I reluctantly pull away and turn my body toward the door.

"Good night, Edward."

"Sleep well, love."

I wait outside her door until I hear climb into the creaky hospital bed, and then I hunt in the woods surrounding the hospital.

After an hour, I sneak back into her room, collapsing quietly into the chair that Bella occupied earlier, and I watch her sleep until the sun rises.

* * *

**A lot of you were asking about Charlie. Does this answer questions or just make you have more?  
**

**Come by the forums and we can discuss Bella's future and Edward's bedside manner, or you can participate in Mombailey's dirty little contest. Either way, you should stop by. Link is on my profile. ;)  
**

**I have a proposition for y'all. If we get to 400 reviews with this chapter, I am going to write a Bella POV for the Before Her Last Breath Outtakes. (I know...creative title, right?) The outtakes from previous chapters are there as well. Just click back to my profile to read. If, fingers crossed, we get up to like 430 or so, I will write an Alice POV as well. Where is that frustrating pixie at?  
**

**So, if you want some alternate POVs, leave me some comments. Thanks!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello, all. Can I just say how amazing I think everyone of you are. Reviews blew me away last chapter. If you want to read the Bella outtake, just click back to my profile.**

**This chapter's song is Chicago by Sufjan Stevens. It is a beautiful song, and I hope y'all listen to it. The moment I decided to write this, I knew I wanted to include this song. Listen, enjoy. **

**I don't own it. I barely own myself. **

* * *

When Bella's breathing changes, I sneak out the window and make my way back to the house. When the mind's of my families start getting stronger, there are still two missing. Rose said before they would be back on time, but the question is – on time for what?

I immediately head up the stairs and jump in the shower, excited for another day with my Bella. Changing into my scrubs takes no time at all, and I am back downstairs in under five minutes.

Carlisle is waiting for me by the garage, and he gestures toward his vehicle. I nod and follow him to his Mercedes.

We get in and, for appearances, fasten our seat belts, reversing quickly out the garage and speeding down the driveway.

"Edward," he starts as we turn onto the road.

"Carlisle."

"You spent the night with Bella Swan?" he asks. He obviously already knows the answer.

"Well, she was not aware I was there, but, yes." I say with a small smile.

"Do you think that is a good idea?" He raises his eyebrows, wrinkling his forehead.

"At this point, the only thing I am sure of is that I want to spend more time with Bella," I say, confirming my answer with a small nod.

"What happens in the future, Edward?" His face is filled with concern, but I am not sure how to answer him. I have been thinking about the future: tomorrow, the next day, two months from now, but I still have no answers. The easy choice is the most difficult choice while the hardest choice is the most painful. There are no simple solutions.

"I don't know," I answer honestly.

"Right, well, didn't Chief Swan come by yesterday?" He questions, changing the subject.

"If you call what he did coming by, then, yes," I scoff.

"What do you mean?"

"Bella is all alone, Carlisle," I say, turning to look at him. "How can I worry about the future when that poor girl is afraid of her present."

"Edward..."

"She needs me," I interrupt. "You said it before. She needs me almost as much as I need her."

"I know," he replies. "I am just concerned. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'll be okay."

I look down at my lap, avoiding his gaze. He sighs softly and turns his attention back to the road.

"I'm here if you want to talk about anything, Edward. You know that, right?" His tone is kind and comforting.

"I know," I answer. "By the way, do you know where Alice is?"

"She just told me that she didn't want to get in the way, but she would be back on time," he says, shaking his head. "You know I don't question her anymore."

"True, I don't either, but she knows something, and she is keeping it from me," I mutter.

"She always has the best intentions at heart," Carlisle adds, praising Alice's character.

"That's what I'm worried about," I sigh as we turn into the parking lot.

"Well, for what it counts, I trust and believe in you, Edward," he says, clapping me on the shoulder. "You will make the right decision. Whatever it may be."

"I hope I can live up to that," I respond, turning to look at him.

"You will," he smiles. "Have a good day, son," he says, turning to walk down the hall once we pass through the sliding doors.

I wait for the elevator, taking it to my floor. I greet Sally and then turn to the work that has piled on my desk. I spend the better part of the morning finishing paperwork for patient's files before taking care of a few X-Rays.

Before I know it, it's two in the afternoon, and I am itching to see Bella. I lock my office and run up the stairs to her floor.

Her door is open, so I just walk in. "Bella," I call her name as soon as my foot passes the threshold.

"Hi," she says with a smile. She looks better today, and I am happy to know that I might have had something to do with that. During the night, if her sleep was restless, I would soothe her anyway I could, singing softly, stroking her hair. She calmed each time, sinking back into a deep sleep.

I will be here for every night, making sure her eyes continue to brightly shine.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Better," she replies. "How are you?"

"Better," I say with a smirk.

"Were you having a bad day?" She asks, crinkling her brow.

"I am just always better when I am in your company, Bella," I say with a smile.

"You don't have to say things like that," she mumbles.

"I thought I told you already, love. I say these things because I want to," I respond in what I hope is a reassuring tone.

She doesn't say anything for a few minutes. She closes her eyes and takes deep breaths, gripping the bed rails with all her might.

"What are you thinking about?" I whisper, finally breaking the silence.

She huffs once more before looking up at me. "Fatalism," she replies, taking in my confused expression. "That is honestly what I was thinking about."

"You don't believe you have a choice in the outcome of your life?" I ask.

She points to herself in the hospital bed. "No, not really."

"I think we all have a choice, Bella. We all have free-will."

"Right, but are we defined by our choices or are our choices defined by us?" She asks seriously. She rubs her face with both hands, covering her features. "I don't know, Edward. I guess I was just thinking that maybe our future is predetermined and who are we, who am I, to fight fate?"

"You think you were destined to get cancer?" I ask, sitting down in the chair across from her.

"I know I have said this before, but I never felt as though I would make it to adulthood." She removes her hands and looks up at me. "Now, with these feelings established, did I make decisions based on that inkling or did I follow some pattern already established?" She questions before throwing her hands into the air with a sigh.

"I can see what you are saying, Bella," I reply. "The question is, though, where do you want to be if you have the choice?"

"I don't even know, Edward, honestly," she says, turning her head to look out the window. "If I have the choice to choose my future, I would want to be happy, not guilty, not lonely, not uncomfortable, but happy."

"That's an easy enough request, love."

"It should be, but for some reason, the outcome always alludes me, seemingly just out of my reach," she replies. "Are you happy?" She questions, her brown eyes burning into mine.

I chuckle slightly. "Not normally," I answer. "But, I have been, recently."

"Why?"

"You don't know, love?"

She shakes her head and bites her bottom lip.

"You," I say with a closed-lipped smile. "Because of you."

I can see the tears well up in her eyes before she blinks them away. She cups her hands around her mouth and nose, her breaths loud. Her eyes dart around the room but do not make contact with mine. She closes them, placing her hands at her sides, balling her hands into fists.

"I think you should go," she finally says through a broken voice.

"What?" I ask, shocked with her change in demeanor. "Did I do something to upset you?"

"This is not about you," she says harshly before she takes a deep breath to calm herself down. "I need to get some rest. Please, leave," she demands in a quiet voice.

"Alright, can I come see you tomorrow?"

_Please, let me, love. Don't send me away. I need you._

My heart cries in agony when she replies. "I don't think that is a good idea."

I hang my head in dejection, leaving her room. I fight the urge to turn back to her as I close the door behind me.

She doesn't want me.

I spend the rest of the day in my office, wallowing. I don't go home; instead, I spend the evening in Bella's hospital room, calming her while she sleeps. I go back to the house, avoiding all members of my family, and then head back to the hospital. I spend as much time as I possibly can alone, locked in my tiny square box.

I continue this process for fourteen days, never speaking to her, fighting the continuous urge to touch her, hold her, love her. It is the hardest days of my entire existence. I keep constant vigilance, though, on the thoughts of nurses and doctors that come into contact with her.

My family continually tries to persuade me to come home, to give up, but I can't. I refuse to just leave. She needs me even though she won't admit it. I need her even though she won't let me in to her heart. Alice has not returned, and this point, I could care less what future she saw. I don't have a future without Bella.

Everyday, she looks weaker and weaker.

I have to watch through the eyes of others as she gasps for breath, struggles to hold anything down and loses consciousness to the pain medication. I can't comfort her when she cries or hold her when she trembles through the pain.

It's killing me, destroying me, and I don't know what to do.

From the moment her eyes close, I never leave her side, though, and it seems to comfort her during the nights. It's not enough. Nothing I can do will be enough.

On the fifteenth day, my phone rings. Checking the caller ID, I flip it open as fast as I can.

"Edward?" A small voice says into my ear.

"Alice," I state with a sigh.

"What are you doing?" She demands.

"Nothing."

"Why are you doing nothing?" She asks. "You should do something! Be with her!"

"What else can I do, Alice?" I whine into the phone. "She's dying, and she made it clear she wants nothing to do with me."

"What did I tell you before, Edward?" She asks in a reprimanding tone.

"She told me she wanted me to leave," I insist. "I did not read the signals incorrectly!"

"No, Edward, I'm not talking about that," she replies. "I told you that she needs you and that you shouldn't give up."

"I haven't given up," I interject.

"When is the last time you spoke to her?"

"A few days," I answer.

"Edward," she warns.

"Three hundred forty-one hours, fifteen minutes and three seconds ago," I concede. "Well, give or take a few seconds."

"Just go talk to her."

"She doesn't want me, Alice," I reply. "I can't do anything if she doesn't want me."

"It never hurts to try."

"No, you are wrong!" I exclaim. "It already hurts, Alice, alright? It is more painful than I could ever imagine. I don't want to have to be rejected again just to lose her anyway. I can't handle it. I am not strong enough," I yell into the phone through gritted teeth.

"Silly Edward, you have always been stronger than you think," she says sweetly. "I think you should go to her now, brother, and don't give up."

She hangs up the phone, leaving me to replay our conversation in my mind. Is it as easy as trying again, pushing yourself through brick wall after brick wall which was put up merely to keep you out?

Will Bella be happy to see me again?

Before I have time to talk myself out of it, I am at her door, begging entrance once again with a light knock on the wooden door.

The first thing I notice is the smell. The cancer has run rampant through her body and her sweet scent is barely discernible. I ignore the side of me that longs for the delicious scent of her blood, beating back the monster. All of that is immediately forgotten the moment I see her.

Bella.

She is in her hospital bed listening to music with headphones. She is singing to herself, bobbing her head and tapping her hand on the rail to the beat. The tempo changes, but I can't hear the music. She turns her head to stare out the window, and her emotions are splayed freely across her face.

She looks heartbroken.

I enter the room, and she slowly turns her face away from the window. Her eyes are laced with tears, but she smiles warmly the moment our eyes meet. I giver her a crooked grin in return, and it is genuine and heartfelt. As her first few tears fall, her smile grows, and it lights up her entire face.

There has never been a more bittersweet, beautiful moment than this. Her smile warms my dead heart, and I swear I can almost feel it beating.

_I have missed you so much, love. I wish that I could change these past few days. I shall never leave you again. Please, forgive me. _

_Please. _

We just stay like that, in the moment, for an unmeasurable amount of time.

"What are you listening to?" I ask, breaking the silence, pretending everything is fine.

"Chicago," she states simply.

"The band?" I ask, confusion covering my features as a sense of déjà vu encompasses my body.

The vision. Alice.

A small laugh falls from her lips as she shakes her head.

She pats the bed next to her, and I eagerly walk over to sit down. I want to touch her, to hold her, to kiss her. I want her. All of her.

Instead, I sit gently on the edge of the bed, keeping space between us.

"Edward," she rasps in a small voice. "I'm glad you came back."

"Me too, love," I whisper. "I've missed you."

"It was for the best, really," she sighs.

I don't want to hear that. I don't want her to push me away.

"You say you are listening to Chicago?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Here," she replies, handing me an earbud. I move closer toward her, so I can place it in my ear. The music starts, pulling me into the rhythm and words.

The tears are falling freely down her cheeks, but she doesn't wipe them away. I move my hand to her face, softly gathering the droplets on the back of my fingers. She closes her eyes the moment I touch her, relaxing her body into mine, resting her head on my shoulder.

The song ends all too quickly, and I remove the earbud and hand it back to Bella.

"That was..." I start.

"I know," she interrupts. "I can't tell you how many times I have listened to that song. It makes me sad, but then it comforts me at the same time."

"I can see how it would do that, love," I reassure her. She looks at me and nods.

"I thought you would," she says with a sad smile. "That line, you know, I've made a lot of mistakes. I get that, but they follow it up with all things go and all things grow," she pauses, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. "You can't change the past or your errors, and things keep moving forward, even if you are stuck in a standstill. I just wish..." Bella trails off, closing her mouth and shaking her head slightly.

She shuts her eyes, breathing deeply, and I desperately wish I could hear her thoughts.

"Bella, I am so sorry for whatever I did," I begin. She puts her hand on my chest, stopping me. I look down at her tiny appendage, resting on my body as it rises and falls with each breath I take.

"Edward," she says softly, and I tear my eyes away from her hand to look at her face. She looks so tired, so much worse, and my chest tightens with anguish.

"Oh, love," I whisper, bring both hands to her face, stroking her jaw with my thumbs. We lock eyes before I move forward, resting my forehead against hers. "I'm so sorry," I chant.

She pulls away, and I remove my hands, sitting up in the bed. "I just can't," she mumbles. "It's too..."

"What?" I ask quietly.

"I wish I'd never met you," she says in a small voice.

I close my eyes as the pain takes over my body, burning me but numbing me at the same time. I somehow stand to my feet and make my way to the door.

"I could never say the same thing, love," I say without facing her. "I was waiting for so long. I will always be grateful for you."

I leave her room, closing the door behind me, but I can't make myself leave the hall. I just pace back and forth in front of her door, listening to her quiet breaths and her small cries, until suddenly Alice's voice pops in my head.

_Don't give up. _

Steeling my resolve, I go back into her room, and Bella looks up at me, relief and shock washing over her features.

"Bella, I refuse to listen to that," I state in a commanding voice.

She shakes her back and forth. Her eyes look so sad, and I just want to comfort her, to love her. Why does she push me away?

"No," she says, closing her eyes. "It's too hard already, Edward," she pauses, lowering her voice to the tiniest whisper. "Please, don't make it worse."

"What am I doing wrong, love?" I ask, trembling slightly.

"That!" She exclaims. "Calling me love, being so sweet, making me feel special, cared for, it's not helping!"

"Bella..."

"I was ready," she interjects, her beautiful, brown eyes filled to the brim with tears. "I was ready," she repeats, bringing her fist down on to her leg with each word. She breathes in deeply, taking in the air around her in large gasps.

"Then you come along, and it makes it harder because I don't want to lose you, alright?" she yells out. "So it's stupid and ridiculous because you were just placating me, comforting me. I get that, but it makes it worse for me, Edward. I don't want to lose you, but I don't even have you," she says with conviction, looking at me with so much pain. " I have no choice in the matter anyway; though, I'm dying."

"We all have choices, Bella," I say, walking closer toward her. "And, I...choose you," I cry out right before my teeth make contact with her flesh.

* * *

**Tiny cliffie...**

**If we get 470 reviews with this chapter, special outtake will be written, POV yet to be determined. **

**Review. Please & Thanks.  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**Wow, y'all amazed me with reviews for last chapter. Some of you were very vocal about the tiny cliffie... this is the longest chapter by far, I hope it will make up for leaving you hanging.  
**

**Songs for this chapter, because I couldn't decide, are Bye, Bye, Bye by Plants and Animals and The Cold, the Dark and the Silence by Seawolf. Choose which one you want. ;)**

**I still don't own Twilight. **

* * *

_"We all have choices, Bella," I say, walking closer toward her. "And, I...choose you," I cry out right before my teeth make contact with her flesh._

* * *

The skin tears easily as my teeth plunge through the sinuous and smooth muscle. The blood flows into my mouth and down my throat, coating the walls, bubbling over with pleasure. It's so warm, tangy and delicious; I can barely contain my excitement. I haven't enjoyed this, had something that would soothe the burn in my throat in such a long time. This is what I have been denying myself for decades, but it is so much better than my memory can conjure up.

I want this to last forever.

As the blood lust consumes my every thought and action, I sink my teeth further into the delicate flesh below me, enjoying the way my razor sharp bite cuts smoothly into the barrier between red paradise and my eagerly awaiting mouth. I sigh contently as I pull more of the delectable blood into my body, warming me from toe to finger, making me feel alive.

My victim whimpers and lets out a shallow gasping breath, enticing me further, exciting the monster in me. Something wet drips onto my face, lightly burning my cold skin, distracting me from my feast. I ignore it, putting it to the back of my mind, but it happens again, pooling liquid splashing on my cheek, and I flinch with the realization of what it is – tears.

Bella's tears.

I remove my mouth from her quivering body while the shame beats down upon me like a gavel, announcing my sentence as unfathomably guilty.

_Oh, God. What have I done? How could I? Disgusting, despicable, unworthy, monster..._

I jump backwards, away from her as my thoughts consume my mind, berating me, taunting me with the life I have taken. Overcome by the urge to wretch up everything in my system, I open my mouth to purge the evidence of my sins, but I am too selfish to lose the blood I have consumed.

Her mouthwatering life force continues to pour down her neck as her lips opens and closes like a fish thrust into the open air, struggling for breath and comprehension. I have to do something, anything, I can't let this end here. I can't lose her.

I move toward her gingerly, carefully keeping my lust in check, and swipe my tongue across her neck, sealing the wound and in turn my venom inside her body. There is no turning back now. The damage has been done.

My legs tremble as tearless sobs rack through my body at the realization of my actions, what I have destroyed, an innocent, pure child of the world. I am the worst kind of monster, an abomination with no right to walk this earth. I took her... I took her and I broke her, and there is no way to know if she will ever by okay.

"It burns!" She screams out, but it's only a mere whisper. My teeth have savagely damaged her vocal cords, broken them under the snap of my jaw, prohibiting her from alerting the humans around us to the homicidal acts hidden in this hospital room.

Without thinking, my body on auto-pilot, I lift her in my arms, delicately placing her head on my shoulder, and I jump out the window. I take off at a dead sprint, dodging trees as I run aimlessly through the woods, her body thrashing against me, struggling through the pain of the transformation.

As the venom works it way through her veins, repairing her, changing her, her screams get louder and more frantic. Each one ripping out another piece of my dead heart, burning me from the inside out, and soon I know I won't be able to fight the fire from consuming me as well as it overtakes her.

"Kill me!" She demands, whimpering softly as she grips my shirt in her tiny hands, before her body goes rigid in my arms from the intensity of the pain.

I remember all to well the wish for an end from the atrocious, all consuming burn as the venom pulses through your system. I need her too much, though, to end her suffering, and I know, without a doubt, I am the most selfish creature that ever existed. Bella's moment of stillness ends, bringing about more frantic movements as the venom repairs where I have broken her, where the cancer has eaten away at her.

"I am so sorry, Bella," I chant. "Please forgive me for what I've done," I sob into her hair.

I run until I reach the mountains, stopping only once I reach the steep rock-face. Surveying the landscape, looking for a place where no one will find us, I spot a cave in my peripheral vision. A human would not be able to see the small entrance, buried behind a wild bush, so I make my way toward it, climbing with one arm and supporting her tiny frame with my other.

I take off my lab coat, quickly folding it into a make shift pillow before I place it under her head , lowering her body to the dirty, hard ground below us. This is all I can offer her. All I can give her – a cold, damp cave. If I weren't so worried for this poor girl in front of me, encompassed by her completely, I would light the fire and take care of my punishment, relishing in the end the burn would bring.

_That's not an option, Edward._

Alice. She must be near. I instinctively move in front of Bella, protecting her.

_We are on our way. Stay where you are. Carlisle is already at the hospital, and Jasper and I are here to help you._

Her demands rush through my head, and as I contemplate her message, my emotions begin to burn once again at one very important realization – she knew this was going to happen. The idea staggers me where I stand, knocking my infallible balance off kilter.

Is that what she was going to be back in time for? For me to murder my love? For me to rip the humanity out of her with my teeth?

I steady my feet, crouching once again in front of Bella, and a feral snarl escapes my lips as the questions rush through my mind. I have never been so angry, so consumed with rage. I am ready to rip my family to shreds, to gleefully tear their limbs from their bodies.

"Edward," Alice says the moment she steps in front of the cave's hidden entrance. Her mind slips into a vision of me attacking them, Jasper launching himself at me to stop me from hurting his mate. I cringe at the sight, and I can't let that happen, no matter how enraged I am.

"Get back," I warn, my tone menacing and harsh. I bare my teeth to make my point, my body tight, prepared to spring.

"I can't believe you would do this!" I hiss, turning my full attention onto Alice. How could she keep this from me?

"You need to calm down," Jasper commands in a controlled yet threatening tone, stepping in front of his wife, lowering his body, readying for my attack. "You don't want to do this," he continues steadily, releasing a calming feeling into the air.

"Don't," I growl, fighting the urge to relax, to unfurl my body from my crouch.

"You knew this would happen!" I yell loudly, egged on by the sadness eating at my body.

"How could you just leave, basically encouraging me to do this?" I collapse as the anger is replaced once again with the knowledge of what I have done. "I...I...she doesn't deserve this," I cry into the ground, punching my fist into the hard surface beside my face, splintering the rock of the cavern floor.

"It was the only way..." she starts as she moves slowly toward me.

"No!" I scream, the noise echoing off the wall, bouncing off of me again and again. "I killed her. It could not have been the only way!"

"You saved her, Edward," she says calmly, inching closer with tiny steps. "She was going to die in less than a week. Neither of you wanted that. It will all turn out for the best."

I shake my head, mouth agape, soul crushed as Alice kneels beside me, placing her hands on my back.

"Don't touch me," I growl. I won't be able to handle her sympathy.

She doesn't listen, placing more of her body on mine until she is hugging me from the side, resting her torso over the top of my back. "It's all going to be okay," she murmurs.

I sink into her embrace, letting her give me comfort I do not deserve as I listen to the gasps and small cries Bella is emitting, each one crushing me further into the ground.

"Edward!!" Bella screams excruciatingly loud, and I throw Alice off of me, haphazardly flinging her small body to the ground beside me.

I hear Jasper's growl from across the dark cave, but I ignore it, reaching for Bella's hand, offering her anything I can. She opens her eyes, staring right into mine, seeing me, looking through me as the tears leave wet trails down her cheeks.

"It burns," she whispers, closing her eyes again as her body continues to jerk below me. I can feel the anguish coursing through me, and Jasper grips his arms around his chest, hugging himself tightly, as he absorbs my emotions. Alice runs to his side, and I can hear her thoughts as she tries to give him all the love and calm she can.

"Just try to relax," Alice whispers lovingly to her husband. "We need to move her," Alice directs at me, walking toward Bella.

"Stay away," I say through gritted teeth. "Do not touch her!"

My breath is ragged as I turn toward Bella, putting my back to my brother and sister, and I gently run my fingers over her face and brush her hair out of her eyes. She unconsciously moves her body closer to where we are connected, so I continue to let my hands roam her body, hoping my cold skin will soothe the burning, if only momentarily.

"Oh, Bella," I murmur to myself. "How could I do this to you?"

My head falls as my chest tightens with pain. I stole everything away from you. I gave you no other option. "I should have given you a choice," I mumble, holding her hand in mine.

_Do you want to know what she would have chosen?_

I shake my head. I am too much of a coward to hear the outcome that will never be, a future that I dismantled with my bare hands.

I hear his thoughts before he arrives, cautious and weary. "What is he doing here?" I question with a growl.

"You are going to have to calm down," Jasper says wearily from the cave entrance, his voice shaky from the heightened emotions in the air. "Alice saw that we might have to restrain you, but I wanted you to know that in advance. Hopefully, you will be able to control yourself, but we need Emmett here just in case."

"You. Will. Not. Touch. Her!" I warn loudly, snarling and snapping my teeth at my brothers and sister.

"Edward," a female voice calls out from behind Emmett, hidden behind his massive form. "We need to take her somewhere more comfortable, safer. Think of Bella, son," Esme says, her voice and words causing my chest to seize, tightening to the point where I can't move, can't respond.

"Any one of us can carry her back if you can't do it..."

"No!," I interrupt her. "I've got her. You're... right. It will be better... for her." I lower my head in shame as I reach for her body, the movements causing her screams to grow more violent.

"Just kill me already!" She shouts, intensely holding onto my collar and looking me square in the eye. "Why are you torturing me?" She begs. "What did I do to deserve this?"

Esme moves closer, putting her arm around my waist to prevent my body from giving out from the force of her pleas, pulling me into her warm embrace. "You have to be strong, Edward. Bella needs you to be strong."

I nod, keeping my focus on my mother's face, letting my senses and Esme's feet guide me toward our home. I realize that we are heading back into the woods, but the only thing I truly know is the weight of my love in my arms. She's clinging to my chest, gasping for breath as my venom continues to work through her body, killing her, changing her, but she has no idea what's happening, no warning.

I don't deserve to hold her.

I look up and we are already at the house; we have gone so far while I was lost inside my head. After walking through the door, I am directed upstairs and into the spare bedroom. I hug Bella tighter to my body once we cross the threshold of the room, reluctant to let her go, to put her down, to lose her forever.

"Edward," Alice says calmly behind me. "You need to lay her on the bed. She'll be more comfortable."

Growling, I place her on the mattress and move in front of her, guarding her body from my tiny sister.

_I'm not going to hurt her._

Her thoughts are kind but laced with pain at my actions, but I can't stop protecting Bella, it's not an option.

"I already took care of that, Alice," I sneer sarcastically, responding to her silent plea.

I take a moment to look around, shocked to find that the guest room has been completely remodeled. What once was a white, sterile room is now painted in soft blues and greens with abstract paintings adorning the walls. There is a bookshelf along one wall and a plush armchair in the corner.

"What is all this?" I ask, pointedly looking around the room.

"This is Bella's room," Alice replies simply, her tone suggesting that I should already known the answer to my question.

"What?"

"Where did you expect her to go, Edward?" She asks slowly. "I think she's going to love it!" She looks around excitedly at what has to be her handy work. How can she be happy about this?

The anger I felt earlier is bubbling in my gut once more, threatening to spew onto my family...burn them for keeping all of this from me.

"You better stop that right now, Edward Anthony Cullen!" Alice admonishes. "You can't keep getting all worked up! We need to be calm for Bella."

I turn toward my love, and she looks so small in the center of bed. I fall to my knees beside it, letting my head hit the mattress.

"Is she... will she... she's going to hate me," I mutter.

I wait for Alice to contradict me, to let me know that she is in fact going to love me, but she remains silent.

"Alice..." I start.

"Do you want to know the plan?" She interrupts, talking speedily.

I nod, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and pointer finger to control my temper. "How long have you known this was going to happen?" I ask in a whisper, turning my face to look at her, but not lifting my head from the bed.

"I let you see my original vision, so I knew she would be like us before you met her," she pauses, looking at me guiltily from beneath her lashes. "I had the vision of you biting her after you went back to her and comforted her. That changed the course of everything."

"That's why you left?" I question. "I take it you didn't want me to see that particular vision," I sigh frustratedly.

"You wouldn't have gone through with it then!" she exclaims frantically.

"Of course not," I snarl.

"I saw that as well," she replies in a small voice. "That future was..." she pauses. "I couldn't let it come to be. You can hate me if you want, Edward, but I had to do whatever I could to make sure you followed the right course." Her voice is pleading and desperate, and I can't stay angry with her, as much as I would like to.

"I don't hate you, Alice," I sigh. "I can't say the same for myself, though."

_It is all going to work out. I promise. _

I shake my head, closing my eyes and breathing in deeply through my nose. The potency of her blood is diminishing as my venom overpowers her body, but I can still taste her on the back of my tongue, decadent and rich. The memory is one that I will treasure for the rest of my existence even though it will haunt me for just as long.

"The plan, Edward," Alice reminds me, breaking me out of my revelry.

"Right," I respond, nodding for her to continue.

"Well, everything is already taken care of, so you have nothing to worry about," she begins animatedly.

"How are you going to explain her missing body?" I ask tensely.

"I sent Carlisle to her room with the Jane Doe immediately after you took Bella out the window," she answers with a small smile.

"Wait," I say, getting up to face Alice, arching my eyebrow in question. "Jane Doe?"

"The body Jasper and I took from Seattle," she answers in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You stole a body?" My voice rises in the end with skepticism.

"No one was ever going to claim her, and she was just going to be put in a unmarked grave, anyway," she responds, beseeching me to believe her.

"So, you and Jasper went to Seattle while you were gone to steal a body and pass it off as Bella," I repeat, working out the logistics in my mind.

Bella whimpers loudly, and I sit on the edge of the bed beside her, rubbing small circles on her hands with my thumbs. "It's okay, love," I whisper into her hair before I kiss her forehead. She calms slightly at my ministrations.

"Continue," I direct at Alice, not removing my attention away from Bella.

"Well, we went to Seattle for the body, but I also sent Jasper to deal with Jenks."

"For Bella?"

"Right," she pauses, nodding her head in confirmation. "We sneaked into Chief Swan's house and stole a recent picture of her, so we could have a new identification made up."

She moves closer to me, sitting on the other side of Bella, and she reaches over to pat her hand. I let out a light snarl at Alice.

"Stop growling at me, Edward," she reprimands, rolling her eyes. I cease my noises but continue to glare at her.

"Thank you."

I raise my eyebrows, letting out a giant huff of air, silently encouraging her to continue.

"Okay, so we also went to Jenks to get a Last Will and Testament drawn up. Bella is eighteen, so we didn't have to worry about going through her parents. I had her will state that she wanted to be immediately cremated, and her ashes are to be given to her father."

I scoff at that idea, and Alice looks at me seriously. "He does love her, Edward, and this is going to be especially hard on him."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"You will," she replies, tapping her forehead.

"How is Carlisle hiding this from everyone else at the hospital?" I question, ignoring her prediction.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure," she mumbles, keeping her eyes trained on her lap.

"Excuse me?" I ask belligerently.

"I couldn't get a clear picture, so Carlisle said he would...wing it," she responds in a quiet voice.

"God damn it, Alice," I yell, pushing myself off the bed, gripping my hands into fists to try to soothe the rush of anger pulsing through my body. "He's going to wing it?" I exclaim sarcastically. "He just went into the hospital with a substitute dead body, a stolen one none the less, and he has no plan?"

I pace the room to do something to ease my frustration, and as much I am trying to put it all on Carlisle's and Alice's shoulders, I know I'm only upset with myself. My family is risking everything, willingly standing in front of the firing squad, to help me hide the fact that I took my sweet Bella's life.

"We are just going to have to wait and see what happens now," I mutter, placing my head in my hands. "Alice, please just leave me... us... alone." She gives me a sad smile and nod, closing the door gently behind her.

I move back toward the bed, climbing on the mattress. I pull my body lightly against hers, so that we are flush together. She sighs before burrowing her body into mine, and I wrap my arms around her.

The only thing I can hold onto, the only hope I will allow, is that humans are undeniably trusting, and that the employees at the hospital would have no reason to doubt Carlisle because he is all together good and pure.

That is what I keep repeating in my mind as we wait for his return, the minutes ticking by slowly, torturing me as they turn into hours.

I stay as close to Bella as I can, absentmindedly running my hands over her body, trying to ease the burn, guiltily enjoying the feeling of her feminine form, the shape of her curves. Her heart beats steadily in her chest, though the sound is faint, but I turn my focus completely onto the steady noise, distracting me from the uneasiness that is running rampant through my nerves.

Around midnight, I hear the front door open and the hushed words of my family on the floor below me. I want to know what has happened, if he managed to pull everything off, but I don't want to leave Bella, I can't.

I wait impatiently for someone to come up the stairs, and even if the news just puts the final nail into my coffin, if there is no way to fix what I have done, I need to know.

Finally, the door opens, and Carlisle walks in, keeping his gaze fixed on the girl in my arms. His eyes and thoughts are indistinguishable, but I try to remain silent until he speaks.

"What happened?" I ask, failing miserably at my attempt to stay quiet.

He scratches his chin and sighs deeply before turning toward me, his eyes that were golden this morning are now completely black, burning with intensity and pain.

"It's done," he answers, his tone calm. His thoughts reflect all of his actions at the hospital, everything he did to protect me, and my body burns along with the unknown girl as she turned to ash in the crematorium.

"Carlisle," I start. "I don't know how to thank..."

"There is no need," he interrupts, placing his hand up to stop me. "I did what had to be done."

"I know, but if I hadn't lost control like that," I mumble, closing my eyes. "I put the entire family at risk."

"Edward," he says, moving closer to be so he can place his hand on my shoulder. "I don't blame you. None of us do. I honestly think you had no say in the outcome, that she was always going to be one us. Of course," he pauses, "I would have given the poor girl a say, let her know what was happening."

"I know," I reply. "She was pushing me away. She thought I was just humoring a dying girl..." My voice trails away as the memory of my teeth sinking into her neck plays in my mind.

"I don't know what happened," I sigh dejectedly. I lost every ounce of control. I just wanted to show her, to prove to her that I wanted her... forever," I say, my voice tinged with the emotions crashing through my body. "Once her blood spilled into my mouth, I wanted to consume her. I didn't want to stop, Carlisle," I gasp as my voice cracks.

"You did, though," he interjects, gripping my shoulder with his hand. "I can't imagine how hard it was to break through your blood lust, and I am so very proud of you, son."

I shake my head, pulling away from his unwavering acceptance and love. "Don't, Edward." He demands, not letting of his grasp on my body. "Please, don't turn this inward. Blaming and chastising yourself is not going to change anything. We, especially you, need to be here for Bella when she wakes up."

I let Carlisle's words sink in, his on the mark observation of the plan I was slowly starting to implement, and I nod, accepting the future with open arms. Running my fingers through the delicate strands of her chestnut hair, I decide there shall be no more hiding away, locking others out.

Bella needs me.

"My goodness," he says under his breath as his eyes roam over my love. "She is going to be stunning."

"She already was!" I exclaim as the urge to mark her as mine courses through my body.

"Silly, Edward!" Alice reprimands me as she dances into the room. "You know he didn't mean anything by it." She sits down on the opposite side of the bed to hold Bella's hand.

"Alright," she says after a moment. She stands quickly, walking toward us. "You two need to get out of here!"

"I'm not leaving," I growl, planting my feet firmly into the carpet.

"Yes, you are," Alice says, her tone laced with finality. "I am going to get her changed and cleaned up now that her neck has fully healed."

I cringe automatically at the images of the wounds I inflicted. Sighing, I rise to my feet, forcing myself toward the door.

"Edward!" Bella cries out. "It's too much. I can't... I can't... please..." she mutters, whipping her head from side to side. "Help me," she finishes in a small voice.

The moment I turn back to her, Alice is blocking my way. "Move," I shout. "She needs me!"

"Get out right now," Alice demands, riling herself up to her full height of five feet. "I will let you back after I am done. It will take fifteen minutes," she continues, exasperated.

"Please," she adds in a softer tone.

I begrudgingly follow Carlisle out the door, stopping the moment my feet hit the wooden floor in the hall. I let my back hit the wall before I sink to the floor, waiting until I have her back in my arms.

I can hear Emmett and Jasper laughing lightly downstairs. "Dang, Pixie just owned Eddie!" Emmett guffaws loudly at his own words.

My heart is too focused on Bella to kick his ass, but I mentally note to take care of that later, enjoying how his cries of mercy will sound in my mind.

After the longest fifteen minutes of my existence, Alice opens the door, and I scramble inside. "Now," she says, putting her hands on her hips, glaring at me as I get up from the floor, "was that so hard?"

"Yes," I mutter to myself, ignoring Alice as I go back to Bella's side, enveloping her gently into my embrace, sighing with relief.

Shaking her head with a small chuckle. "If I wasn't witnessing this, I would never believe it," she chortles. "Edward, I'll be back when it's time for her to open her eyes."

I nod, barely paying attention to anything else besides my love. As she cries and shouts, her body twisting and turning in my arms, I hold onto her with everything I have, trying to soothe her in anyway I can. I continuously hum a melody that is stuck in my head because it seems to ease away some of her pain.

As the night turns to day and then back into night, I let my mind wander of my future with Bella, trying my best to believe that it will all work out perfectly.

Truth be told, I'm scared of what she is going to think when she wakes up. I hate myself for what I've done, so I can only imagine the the extent of what Bella will feel. The possibilities are endless.

If she wants nothing to do with me, I'll somehow survive because she will be alive, here with us. If she wants to leave our family once she can control her thirst, I will follow behind, keeping my distance. If she decides to forgive me, I'll do everything in my power to make her love me.

If she decides to love me back, I vow to make her feel loved every single minute of everyday. She will never again doubt that she in unworthy of love.

When Bella's heartbeat picks up, thumping loudly in her chest, there is a knock on the door, followed quickly by the entrance of my entire family.

"It's almost time, Edward," Alice says from the doorway. "It would be best if no one was touching her when she woke up," she adds, urging me in her mind to move away from Bella.

I separate myself from my love, moving to stand with them by the door. Jasper and Emmett have stepped forward, guarding the family from the unpredictability of newborn emotions.

I turn back to see her arch her back forcefully, her chest high in the air as her heart races furiously before it slows, beating once more and then stopping completely, and her body falls back onto the bed, still as a statue. The silence is deafening, and I open my mouth to speak, but Alice puts her hand up, letting me know to remain quiet.

No one breaths or fidgets while waiting for Bella, seemingly not struggling at all with those feats, but I have to mentally restrain myself from running to her side.

After five minutes, Alice nods her head, letting me know through her thoughts that Bella is about to open her eyes.

A half of second later, Bella's ring finger on her left hand twitches slightly. Two seconds after that, she balls her small hands into fists. She peeks out from under her lids, immediately noticing us in the corner of the room and she launches herself off the bed, crouching with her back to the wall.

She stares at Emmett and Jasper for an unmeasurable amount of time, growling menacingly before she turns her focus to everyone else in the room. Her gaze falls onto my face, and I can feel her eyes burning into mine before she gasps, covering her mouth with her hand.

In a voice that chimes like the most beautiful bells, ringing out lightly and delighting my ears, she only asks one question, and I just hope that she will be somewhat understanding of the answer.

"I'm dead. Aren't I?"

* * *

**So, what do you think?**

**Okay, I have to do a shameless plug because my story Leave it to Badger is in the 2nd round of voting in the Age of Edward contest. If you haven't read it, click back to my profile and do it. I would LOVE y'all's support. Please vote for me! **

**Here is the link: http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/1939261/The_Age_of_Edward **

**You know the drill, replace the (dots) with actual periods. :)**

**Since I got so many reviews for last chapter, I am going to shoot high. If we get 600 reviews with this chapter, I am going to write an outtake in Carlisle's POV of what went down at the hospital. **

**Review. Please & Thanks**!


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay, I'm back. :) Well, I didn't quite get 600, but it was really close. I wrote the Carlisle outtake anyway, so check it out. Just click back to my profile to read all the outtakes. **

**Songs for this chapters are Dying is Fine by Ra Ra Riot for most of the chapter and Creature Fear by Bon Iver for the hunt. Listen. Enjoy!**

**I don't own Twilight? Or, do I? ;)  
**

* * *

_In a voice that chimes like the most beautiful bells, ringing out lightly and delighting my ears, she only asks one question, and I just hope that she will be somewhat understanding of the answer._

_"I'm dead. Aren't I?"_

* * *

She looks around the room before she opens her mouth again. "La, la, la, la," she tinkles out in a sing-song, lilting tone while her face scrunches in confusion. "What is up with my voice?"

I am upset to find that I still cannot read her mind. I would love to know what she is thinking, going through at this moment... at all moments.

"Nothing is wrong with your voice," I finally speak, causing her to look at me from across the room.

"Sure, nothing is wrong," she replies disbelievingly. "Did one of you slip me some drugs or something?" She gasps. "Am I on an acid trip?"

I shake my head at her question. I am not sure how to start this conversation, so I remain silent, waiting for the right thing to pop into my head.

She continues to study us while the seven of us stare back with abated breath. She sighs, rolling her eyes slightly. "Why are all of you so quiet?" She asks, pursing her lips together. "When you're dead, do you lose your ability to speak?!?"

Jasper tenses slightly as Bella starts to work herself up into a small tantrum. We can't trust her newborn emotions to not be out of control. I can feel the calm he's sending her, and she drops her chin to her chest before looking up at us with relaxed eyes.

"All of you are so beautiful," She admits, dropping her eyes once again. Her body, I imagine, is trying to blush, but to my dismay, I took that ability away from her.

"Bella," I whisper her name softly.

She lifts her head, catching my eye, and a small smile graces her face. She is beyond the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Her skin is now more alabaster than before and so smooth. All I want is to feel her body pressed against mine, skin to skin, mouth to mouth. Her lips are full and pouty, even more so than when she was human, calling out to me, taunting me. He figure, emaciated from her illness, has filled out, but she is still slight. Though, her womanly parts, her breasts and hips, have swollen considerably, in the best possible way. Her eyes, like all newborns, are red, but if she chooses our lifestyle, they will fade over time. I will miss the softness of her chocolate eyes, but they are still so haunting, like a beacon in the light.

I'm not ready to consider a future where Bella always has crimson eyes, where she doesn't want to be with us as a family... even if she doesn't want to be with me as her lover, her husband.

_I __**desperately**__ want her to be with me in that way, though._

"I remember you," she replies after a pause, but then a look of uncertainty crosses her face, marring her lovely features. She brings her hand to her neck, searching for the open wound that should be there from when I ripped into her skin with my teeth. "You..." she says shakily, raising her finger to point at me accusingly. "You bit me!"

She crouches, preparing to attack, letting out a feral growl, but then her eyes grow wide and her mouth falls open with shock. She looks down at her body and raises her hands in front of her face, releasing them from their clawed positions by her side.

"What the HELL am I?" She questions in a forceful voice, looking around at all of us.

Carlisle steps forward, moving slowly so not to cause her to feel threatened. "Bella," he greets her with a calm smile. "We have a lot to tell you."

"I think I should tell her," I add, turning toward Carlisle. "It is my responsibility."

"Responsibility?" She sneers, baring her teeth at me. "You are the asshole who bit me. I may not remember much, but I remember that!!"

"I know," I reply. "I am so sorry for how I handled myself. I just could not stand to watch you die, love."

"Don't call me that!" She exclaims as her body drops gracefully to the edge of the bed. She puts her head in her hands, shaking it back and forth, mumbling to herself. Jasper tenses, ready to help control the situation, but I put my hand up, stopping him. She has a right to feel her own emotions.

"If you couldn't stand to watch me die, I'm still alive?" She questions, tilting her face back up with a furrowed brow.

"Well," I answer, "not technically."

"What does that mean?" She asks shortly.

"It means that you are, we are," I pause, motioning to my family, "vampires."

"Vampires?" She scoffs, raising her eyebrows with a grimace, and then she lets out a tiny snort. Her eyes widen with shock and as the laughter rolls out of her. "So, I'm a vampire, now? Alright, sounds good," she pauses, bending at the waist and placing her hands on her knees as she continues to giggle.

"I'm serious, Bella," I interject sternly between her fits of laughter. "You. Are. A. Vampire!"

"I vant to suck your blood," she jokes in a Draculaesque accent, swishing a pretend cape in front of her face. I hear a snicker behind me, and I turn around to glare at Alice.

_What? It was funny. _

Rolling my eyes, I turn back toward my love. "Bella," I say in a frustrated tone.

"Vat?" She asks, still using the Transylvania accent.

"I can prove it to you."

"Ok." She perks up, looking up at me with curious eyes. "Show me your fangs."

"I don't have fangs."

"Hmm... then you can't be a vampire," she says matter-of-factually.

"You don't have fangs, Bella, and _you_ are a vampire," I state slowly, emphasizing her part in this whole thing.

"Well, that has yet to be proven..."

"Let's go then," I interrupt, holding out my hand for her to take. She looks at my hand and then back at me before standing up on her own, placing her hands on her hips.

"Where are we going?" She asks suspiciously.

"Hunting."

"Oh, I don't really like guns," she replies, shrugging her shoulders.

"We won't be using any weapons today," I respond vaguely.

She crinkles her nose in thought, and I can tell she does not know what to do. She needs to hunt, though. She must be so thirsty.

"I do have a question," I start.

"What?"

"How does your throat feel?"

"Well, I expected to feel all ragged and sore because, you know, BIT me. Which, by the way, I am so not over," she responds, glaring at me through the slits of her eyes, letting out a little growl.

"She needs to hunt, Edward," Jasper says from behind me. "I can not take the jumpy emotions much longer."

"Jasper is right," Carlisle adds, coming to stand next to me. "Bella, my dear, what Edward meant is – is your throat burning?"

She gulps, bringing her hands up to wrap around her neck. "Umm... now that you mention it, I do feel pretty parched. Can someone get me a glass of water, please?" She asks sweetly.

"No..." I start.

"Fine!" She interrupts me. "I'll get it myself. Where is the kitchen?" She asks, cocking her head to the side.

_She needs to figure it out for herself._

I listen to Alice, nodding my head to let know I heard her. "Downstairs to the left," I direct at Bella.

"Thanks," she mumbles under her breath. Everyone parts for her and then follows behind her toward the kitchen.

"Glasses?" She asks from where she stopped beside the sink, briefly looking over her shoulder at me, standing in the doorway and watching her.

"Cabinet right in front of you."

She puts her hand on the knob, crushing it between her fingers. "What the?" She questions as the metal shreds of the knob flutter to the ground from her hand. She turns around to face us with wide eyes. "Oh, my, I am so sorry. I have no idea how that happened!!"

"It's okay, sweetie," Esme answers, moving past her to grab a broom. "You just don't know your own strength yet."

She shakes her heads, staring at her hands. "Edward?"

My eyes widen in shock. She knows my name. She remembers my name. What does this mean? Could she remember me and my feelings from her human life?

_Answer her, Eddie!_

I pick up his silent demand right before I feel his fist connect with my upper arm.

"Yes, Bella?" I ask her, rubbing my arm while glaring at Emmett.

"Can you get me a glass, please?" Her eyes are glued on the cabinet she just tried to open.

"If that is what you want," I reply, opening it to get her a glass before filling it with water from the tap. "Here you go," I say, handing it to her carefully.

She sighs before nodding her thanks, placing the glass gently in her grasp, bringing it to her lips. I watch as the beads of water roll from the glass into her open mouth, waiting for the moment she tries to swallow...

Pssssttt.

"Ugh," Bella coughs out after she spit the water all over the floor. Esme lets out a little huff before she turns to get the mop as well.

"Is that like well water or something? I think there is something wrong with it!" She exclaims, putting the glass down on the counter.

"It's wrong, Bella," I start, "because **water** is not what your body needs."

"Well, enlighten me then," she replies, throwing her hands into the air.

"You need blood." I state simply, locking my eyes with her. "You are a vampire."

"You're not joking," she whispers finally, breaking my gaze.

I shake my head and give her a sad smile. "I'm sorry."

She sighs, closing her eyes, and then she opens them, taking another look around the room. "Is that why everything is so clear? It's like my vision is so sharp that it's almost distracting."

"With your new body comes heightened senses," I agree, letting her know that what she's going through is normal, well, for us at least.

She gasps, placing her hand over her mouth. "Is that why I broke the knob on the cabinet?"

"Right now, you are the strongest one here," I answer, causing Emmett to let out a small snarl of disagreement. "You just don't know how to regulate and control your body."

"Why is that?" She asks, eyeballing Emmett's monstrous form.

"As a newborn vampire, your human blood is still in your body, mixed with your venom, and it allows you to have additional strength."

"Wait a minute here," she replies, putting her hands into the air in front of her body. "There are so many things wrong with what you just said. Let's see," she continues counting on her fingers. "One – newborn? What is that about? Two – are you saying that you all do not have blood? Three – venom? Seriously?"

Bella begins pacing back and forth, mumbling incoherently to herself and shaking her head back and forth.

_She really needs to hunt, Edward. It is getting harder for me to control the situation._

"Jasper's right," I state, watching Bella as she goes from one side of the room to the other. "It is time to embrace what you are."

"That is all the process time I get?" She yells out angrily. "Oh, hey, did I forget to tell you that you are a vampire now, so water is going to taste nasty, and you are going to be able to crush METAL with your bare hands. Also, you have to drink blood," she sneers, deepening her voice to mimic mine, I suppose.

"I know you must have a million questions, and we hopefully have the answers to all of them," Carlisle says, walking slowly toward her. "You do need to hunt though. It will help clear your head a little. It will definitely put a few things into perspective." He gives her a small smile which she reluctantly returns.

"I don't think I can do that," she replies with a sour look on her face.

"Trust me, it's all very natural," he responds nonchalantly.

"No, I mean that I don't think I can kill a person," she murmurs in a quiet voice.

"That's great!" Carlisle says enthusiastically.

"Really?" She questions sarcastically. "I thought this whole vampire thing was all about drinking the blood?"

He lets out a small chuckle. "It is a large part of it, yes, but we don't drink human blood. We take the blood of animals. We call ourselves vegetarians."

"So, not every vampire drinks animal blood?"

"Most do not, no," he answers. "We can talk about that more later. We would like to take you hunting now... animals, of course," he adds with a smile.

"It comes naturally?" She questions, her voice filled with doubt.

"Yes, but it will be better to experience it for yourself."

"I guess," she agrees reluctantly.

"Alright, well I think Jasper needs a break, and I'm sure you don't want all of us trailing along," Carlisle says with a smile. "How about you let Edward, Emmett and Alice take you hunting?"

"Sure," she agrees reluctantly, "but I am not sure who they are."

"Well, you remember Edward, right?"

"The biter," she retorts, raising her eyebrows with a small sneer.

"Yes," he acknowledges before continuing. "I'm Carlisle Cullen."

"My doctor," she responds quietly. "I have cancer. I think... it's just all so fuzzy..." she trails off.

"That happens with most of our human memories, I'm afraid."

"I guess we can just talk about that later as well," Bella says, clutching her throat. "This is getting a little hard to stand."

"Right, of course. Emmett is the big guy in the corner and Alice is the one bouncing from foot to foot. You can meet everyone else and get a proper introduction when you get back."

"Let's go, Bella!!" Alice yells out enthusiastically. I'm actually surprised she managed to be quiet for so long. "Hunting really is a lot of fun. You are going to do fantastically!" She chirps out.

"Woo hoo," Bella responds sarcastically, and I can't help the smirk that forms on my face.

"I'm going to let your lack of excitement slide for right now," Alice says, grabbing my love's hand and pulling her out the back door. "I might not be so lenient next time," she warns playfully. "Come on!" She continues, tugging her toward the river.

Emmett and I follow behind, enjoying watching the evil Pixie drag Bella along through the yard. She keeps glancing back at us, pleading with her eyes for our assistance. She hasn't realized yet just how well she can handle herself.

"Hey, Alice," I call out. "I think Bella might like her arm back." She scowls at me before dropping her hold on my beautiful love.

"Wait," Bella says suddenly. "How are we going to get over that river?"

"Well, you could swim or go through it," I reply, stopping next to her. "I was going to jump over it, though." I say with a smirk.

"Really? Can you prove this? You fell a little short on the fangs issue earlier, ya' know?" She replies, scrunching her nose at me.

"Of course. Just watch me," I say in a teasing tone before I run toward the river, springing from the spongy earth. I land on the balls of my feet on the other side, and I turn around, daring her to continue. "Do you need me to show you again?"

"No," she retorts in a harsh voice. She squares her shoulders, letting her eyes dance from one bank to the other.

"You can do it, Bella," Alice adds reassuringly. "We as vampires are naturally graceful."

Bella lets out the cutest snort while she is shaking her head with doubt before she charges toward the river, leaping into the air across the water. She lands on one foot, the other stretched out behind her in a dancer's pose.

She is utterly breathtaking. I could stare at her forever.

She lets out a little giggle before she spins on her toe. "That was so fun. I have always been so clumsy. This is a trip!"

"It's great, right?" Alice asks as she does a flip in the air over the river, landing on her hands next to Bella.

Emmett just jumps simply over the river, stomping hard when he lands. I can feel the vibrations from where I stand. "Let's do this," he yells. "Ready, Bellybutton?"

"What did you just call me?" Bella asks as she snaps her teeth at Emmett.

"Hey, hey," he replies, putting his hands in the air in surrender. "It's cool."

"Sure," she says, her voice still menacing and full of threat. "Just don't let it happen again!"

"I think someone is a little crabby when they're thirsty," Emmett directs at me under his breath.

I roll my eyes and turn toward my love, letting my eyes soak in the magnificence that is Bella. "Ready?" I ask, smiling broadly at her. She shrugs in return, so I take it as a yes. "Let's go." I take off at a dead sprint, listening for the footsteps that I recognize as my brother and sister's and memorizing the sounds of Bella, running through the trees.

I am leading our little hunting expedition, moving us away from the trails and from any possible human interaction. I can hear her gaining on me, her newborn strength pushing her muscles harder, faster.

Soon we are neck in neck, competing in an unspoken race of dominance and power. I don't want to let her win, but I am easily distracted by her hair blowing out behind her in the wind or the curve of her neck. It's not my fault when she moves ahead, passing me by.

She stops running, coming to a halting stop, sniffing the air. "What is that?"

I let my senses take the forefront, closing my eyes, concentrating on the hunt. "Mountain lion, my favorite."

"Do you want..." she trails off, gesturing with her hands for me to lead the way, to take the kill.

"I want it very much, always. That is something you are going have to learn to prioritize, the constant thirst, the desire," I reply, my voice a smidgen deeper, huskier. "This one is all yours, though." I give her a close-lipped, crooked smile in encouragement.

"Oh." She bites her lip, taking the plump flesh between her teeth. "Well, what do I do first?"

"Alright, close your eyes," I direct, and she does immediately, releasing her lip from it's prison as her lips part minutely. I step closer, moving slowly until I am right behind her so I can whisper into her ear. "Open your senses completely. Trust them. Can you smell the cat?"

She nods, breathing in deeply through her nose.

"Good," I continue. "Now, listen. Can you hear the heartbeat? Hear it move? Where is it?"

"It's to the northwest by the water, moving slowly through tall grass."

"That's right, Bella." I purr into her ear, and she leans back, her body barely skimming mine. My skin still tingles at the contact.

"I want it," she breathes out.

"Alright," I say with a nod, backing away from her tempting figure. "Go get it."

With that, she takes off into the trees, dodging and zipping past the limbs as the leaves graze her skin. I follow behind her enough so she knows I am not interrupting in her hunt, not trying to take her kill. She moves lithely toward the carnivore, bounding on silent feet. It is never going to know what hit him.

She slows to a walk, crouching in anticipation of what is to come. The mountain lion is stalking it's own dinner, blissfully unaware that it is about to be knocked down a few pegs on the food chain.

Bella looks back at me and smiles, widening her eyes with excitement before she deliberately steps on a twig, cracking it beneath her feet. The cat turns at the sound, swiping its paws in protection and warning, baring its teeth.

Bella growls, her razor sharp teeth coming together with a resounding snap as she attacks. Her body flies through the air, landing on the cat's back. It drops to the ground, rolling in surprise, clawing at her impenetrable skin, shredding her clothes. You can see the defeat in it's eyes as Bella's teeth make contact with it's fur, slicing through the muscle and sinew at it's neck.

She begins to drink as the blood pours from her victim. She opens her throat, letting the warm liquid coat its walls and fill her body. She pulls everything she can from the cat until it is a pile of bones and skin in her hands.

Once the blood lust is abated, she releases the cat from her bite, pushing the carcass off of her, looking at it with disgust.

She stands, covered in dirt and blood, her hair tangled with leaves and twigs. Her eyes drop to the dead cat before she looks back up at me. "So, this is what I am?" She asks, wiping the blood from her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Yes," I reply. "This is what we are."

"You did this to me, right?" She questions, her eyes burning with some emotion that I can't read. "When you bit me?"

I simply nod, unsure of the correct thing to say.

She rolls her head, like a boxer preparing for another round before turning her gaze onto me. "I'm ready for that talk now. I have a few questions I need answered."

"Of course," I reply in a quiet voice. "Just give me one moment." I dig a quick hole, throwing the drained mountain lion in before I bury it, hiding the evidence.

"Alright, let's go."

As we run back toward home, I let my mind wander over all the possibilities that this conversation can hold.

I just hope she doesn't hate me.

* * *

**More yip-yapping to come... **

**I just wanted to let y'all know that today is the last day to vote for the Age of Edward contest. I would LOVE your support for Leave it to Badger. Just search for the Age of Edward under authors. Thanks!!**

**Also, BHLB has been nominated for a Golden Chocolate Award. This is the first award I have ever been nominated for, so if you like my angsty ass, please just give a little click in support of BHLB. Here is the link. You know what to do. **

**http://goldenchocolateawards(dot)webs(dot)com/voting(dot)htm**

**Also, 670 reviews get the rest of Carlisle's time at the hospital. ;)**

**Review. Please & Thanks!**


	19. Chapter 19

**So, I'm late with this chapter... woops, sorry. I just could not find my way yesterday, but I hope you will enjoy it. Reviews dropped a lot last chapter, but I was still really happy with y'all's thoughts. Keep them coming. :)**

**Song for this chapter is Graveyard Girl by M83. **

**I don't own Twilight. **

* * *

I begrudgingly follow Bella back to the house, scuffing my feet on the dirt as I randomly kick small pebbles out from under me. I feel like a child on the verge of a tantrum, and I don't know how long it will be before I throw myself on the ground and start kicking and screaming.

I don't want her to hate me, and once she knows the truth, the entire story, I can't see how she will do anything but that.

I can't lose her, though. Not before I even get the chance to have her.

Bella turns back to look at me when we reach the river by the house. An unreadable expression graces her lovely face, burning her red eyes. I am tempted to wrap my body around her marble smooth legs and beg for her forgiveness and love.

_Please, don't do anything rash_.

I break Bella's stare to nod toward the house, acknowledging Alice's silent plea. My eyes turn back toward my brunette beauty, soaking in her form as I motion for her to go first.

She gives me a tight lipped smile before launching herself across the water, full of grace and ease. I drink her in as she glances surreptitiously over her shoulder at me before she continues on toward the house. I quickly follow, jumping toward the other bank.

My foot lands unsteadily on the wet mud, and I step back with my other to keep my balance, successfully soaking my back foot in the river.

Every step I take toward the house is followed by a hard stomp and shake of my drenched shoe and pant leg. I am tempted to run in through the other entrance and change my clothes, but I can hear the impatient thoughts of my family inside. A look into Carlisle's mind shows Bella pacing back and forth in the living room, muttering to herself while shaking her head.

I move a little quicker. She deserves to know the truth.

Once inside, I sit next to Alice on the couch. Jasper is on her other side while Rose and Emmett have taken up residence on the loveseat, their hands clasped together. Carlisle and Esme stand together behind the couch, their eyes following Bella as she laps the space in front of the fireplace again and again.

I clear my throat, a rather human thing to do, hoping to start this unavoidable conversation. At the noise, Bella's eyes widen and turn toward me, her head following and then her body until she is facing me completely.

"I know you have questions," I start.

"You're right," she interjects. "I have so many freaking questions, I don't know where to start. They are all bouncing through my head at the same time. Well, it actually feels as though everything is running through my mind all at once." She pauses, lightly running a finger across her brow. "It is all rather distracting."

I nod, opening my mouth to give her an explanation on how her new mind works, but I when I look at her, she's glaring daggers at me.

"Are you doing that?" She sneers.

"Doing what?" I ask, confused at her sudden mood change.

"I don't know!!" She replies, throwing her hands into the air with a frustrated sigh.

"That was me actually," Jasper says from the couch, putting his hands up in apology. "I was just trying to help calm you down."

She raises her eyebrow at him and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Jasper is an empath, Bella," Carlisle adds, hoping to soothe her worries.

"A what?"

"I can feel and manipulate emotions," Jasper answers her in a simple tone. "It's my gift."

She squints her eyes as she takes in this new information, looking around at everyone in the room. "So, do all... vampires," she sighs, "have gifts?"

"No, my dear," Carlisle says, giving her a smile. "Only some. In our family, Jasper, Alice and Edward are the ones with special abilities."

"I can see the future," Alice speaks up quickly, her voice bubbling with excitement. "Well, I can see the future once you make up your mind about something. Yours keeps jumping all over the place!"

She stares blankly at my pixie sister for a moment before she turns back toward me, narrowing her eyes even further. "What can you do?"

"I can read minds," I reply simply.

"Excuse me?" She asks in a high voice, shock covering her face.

_She's scared._

"Bella," I start, hoping to alleviate the fear that Jasper just pointed out.

"You. Can. Read. Minds?!?" She questions loudly and slowly. "What am I thinking right now, then? No... wait, don't answer that. Even when I was in the hospital?"

Each inquiry flies from her mouth as she starts her pacing once more. I open my mouth to speak each time her tone rises, ending each sentence bring a new question, but she asks another before I have the chance to answer.

"I can't read your mind!" I finally yell out, stopping her in her tracks.

"Why not?" She asks suddenly, furrowing her brows together. "Is there something wrong with me now? Am I a defective vampire?"

"No, Bella, you're perfect," I reply, and I hope she can hear the sincerity of my words. She's perfect, completely. "I couldn't hear your mind before either."

"Oh," she simply states. "Does that happen a lot? I mean, are there a lot of people with minds you can't read?"

I shake my head, giving her a small crooked smile and lightly shrugging my shoulders.

"So, it's just me?"

"I don't know why that is, but, yes, you are completely silent to me."

"Honestly, I think that's great," she replies with a smirk. "I don't want you in my head. You might not like what you'd find."

"Bella, what other questions do you have?" Carlisle asks, getting our discussion back on track.

"First of all," she starts. "Why am I vampire? It happened when _he_," she continues, jerking her thumb in my direction, "bit me, right?"

"That's correct," Carlisle answers while I let out a giant sigh.

"I don't know what you have to be sighing about!" Bella directs at me loudly from across the room. "I am not the one who did this to you!" She moves her hands in front of her cold, hard body before she clenches her fists.

I look to Jasper who nods before directing lethargic feeling towards the worked up newborn. She shakes her head, trying to clear away the feelings Jasper is coursing through her body. "And you!" she yells, pointing at Jasper. "Stop doing that!!"

"I will once you calm down," he replies. "As a newborn, you will have a hard time resisting urges and controlling your emotions. I am just tryin' to help."

"Oh, yeah? Well, the only urge I have right now is ripping your head off of your body!"

Jasper tenses, preparing for her strike, and I subconsciously move toward Bella, placing myself in between them.

"Oh, stop!" Alice interjects, not moving from her position on the couch. "She's not going to do anything."

"You can't be sure, Alice," Jasper replies, narrowing his eyes at my love. "Newborns are unpredictable."

A small snorting laughter begins behind me, breaking the tension in the room. I turn my back on my family to face her as she continues to let out tiny chortles.

"Bella?" I question.

"This is ridiculous, all of it," she laughs out. "I must be dreaming." She sighs, wiping nonexistent tears from under her eyes. "They must have upped my meds," she mumbles to herself.

"I know you don't seriously think you are dreaming," Rosalie mutters from the loveseat, speaking up for the first time.

Bella turns her attention to the blond. "I don't think we've met," she responds.

"Of course," Carlisle says, walking toward Bella. "Where are my manners?" He hits himself lightly on the forehead with his open palm. "Let me properly introduce you to my family."

"As I said earlier, I am Carlisle Cullen and the beautiful woman standing behind the couch is my wife, Esme." At her introduction, Esme gives Bella a warm smile before gracefully approaching her and enveloping her in a hug.

"Welcome to the family, Bella."

"Thanks," Bella responds awkwardly, uncomfortably patting Esme on the back with one hand.

At the sight in front of us, Emmett lets out a loud laugh. "Dang, B, have you ever been hugged before?!?" I turn my face to glare at my oaf of a brother, hoping it will be enough to make him shut his mouth. Sadly enough for Bella, she might not have ever been shown this sort of affection.

Bella visibly stiffens at his words, her body going rigid in Esme's arms. Esme releases her and steps back to Carlisle who puts his arm over her.

"Well, you already met Emmett, but the lovely blond beside him is Rosalie, Emmett's wife." Rosalie gives Bella a small nod in greeting which Bella returns because I think she doesn't know what else to do.

"Then Jasper and Alice," Carlisle continues, turning his attention toward the couple on the couch. "They are also married."

"You call yourselves a family," Bella starts, "are you related?"

"Not in the traditional sense, no," Carlisle answers before launching into abbreviated versions of each of our tales, letting every family member interject important parts of their individual stories. Bella once again impresses me immensely with the way she accepts everything so easily. Her face betrays her feelings, showing me her sympathetic nature.

"I don't know what to say," Bella finally sighs out once Carlisle stops speaking. "You all have such fascinating stories." She looks around the room, taking in each one of us in commiseration of our deaths and changes.

"I want to know why," she says in a clear voice, setting her eyes upon mine. "What is my story?"

"How about we take a walk, and I can explain myself," I reply, nodding my head in agreement.

"Alright."

I wait until she reaches me and then I follow her outside. "Where did all this mud come from?" Esme asks from inside in a exasperated voice, and I quickly close the door behind us.

"I know this is all very confusing," I start. "When I awoke from my change, I remember being very upset and angry at what was now my lot in life."

"Were you mad at Carlisle?" She asks with genuine interest.

"No," I reply, "but only because I can read minds. I remember from the very beginning, even while I was changing, that Carlisle did what he thought was best for me and in turn for himself, but I was still angry in general."

She nods, stopping when we get to the bank of the river. "Was it hard for you to come to terms with what you are?" She questions, turning to stare into the trees. "Did you struggle with the thirst."

"I have killed many people, Bella," I answer honestly. "There was a time when I was young, I thought I knew more than Carlisle, thought that the life we were living was a lie, a farce, so I went off on my own."

"How could you listen to the mind of someone as you drank from them," she asks in a quiet voice.

"I only hunted those with evil minds and hearts - murderers, rapists. I thought I was doing the world a favor. I was the most extreme vigilante on the streets, keeping the innocents safe another day," I scoff. "I was so ignorant."

"At least you didn't take the lives of just anyone," she replies, trying to make me feel better. I took her life away, changed her into a vampire, and she is comforting me because of my dark past. There has never been anyone else like her before, as good, as genuine as Bella.

"It's not my right to choose who lives or die, though," I answer, putting my hands on her shoulders and spinning her to face me. "It doesn't make me less of a monster because I murdered a murderer." I stare into her eyes, trying to convey everything I am feeling. "Take for example what I did to you."

She closes her eyes tightly, and I wish I knew what she was thinking. "Why did you do what you did?" She questions, not looking at me. "Did you just feel sorry for me?"

I take a deep breath, dropping my hands so she can turn away and be more comfortable without me gazing into her eyes. "What do you remember from before, Bella?"

"It is all rather hazy, but I can remember my parents faces and sadness. I don't think I was very happy, but I was sick, right?" She asks, and I nod, urging her to continue. "I was dying, but I was ready. There was nothing keeping me here, no future that I could see, and then you bit me. Then, I remember," she shudders, "pain... burning, horrible pain. I remember that all too well."

"Every memory you have of the change and after will be clear as day. Humans only use ten percent of their brain on average, and when we become vampires the change unlocks the other ninety percent. You will never forget anything, no tiny detail will go unnoticed, but unfortunately, our human memories can easily fade away."

"I can see that," she replies, crossing her arms in front of her. We don't speak for a while as we continue to look into the expanse of the forest. I don't know what to say, how to start the conversation I have been subtly avoiding.

"Why me?" Bella questions, breaking the silence. How can I answer this without terrifying her with my intense feelings?

"I lost control," I answer honestly. "You were pushing me away, but all I wanted to do was be around you, get to know you better." I pause, taking a step away from her, putting a little distance between us, so I can say everything I need to say. "When I first met you, your blood called out to me like no other before. The cancer, though, was eating away at your insides, and it diminished your scent, effectively helping me control my blood lust."

"So, you wanted to drink my blood?" Bella asks from behind me, and I nod, hanging my head in shame. "You didn't, though. Why?"

"I couldn't!" I exclaim, spinning around to face her. "You were so innocent, pure and your life was being taken away from you by something you could not control. At first, I was so angry you were there, this weak human girl tempting my control, breaking the facade I kept up for over ninety years. Then, I spoke with you, slowly got to know you, and I wanted to help. I needed to stay away, so I wouldn't hurt you."

"You didn't, though, did you?" She moves closer to me, placing her hand on my shoulder, and I unconsciously move my body into her touch. "You were there a lot, weren't you?" She questions, doubt lacing her words.

"I couldn't stay away, Bella," I admit. "I thought that you would open your mouth, spew some nonsense, and then I could leave you alone, once again dissatisfied with the human race. That obviously didn't happen," I laugh humorlessly.

She takes her hand away and moves in front of me, staring at me with an expression that I can't read. "What are you thinking?" I ask.

"I'm not sure," she replies, shaking her head. "I just can't get a solid grip on what happened before. I need to know why you bit me. Why you didn't just let me die."

I pinch the bridge of my nose, sighing deeply before I continue. "I don't know."

"That's not an answer," she growls.

"I planned on letting you die," I say quietly, looking at the ground. "I didn't want this for you."

"Well, what changed?"

"I just did it," I answer, lifting my eyes to hers. "I can't explain it." I let my eyes plead my case, and I hope she can see the sincerity behind them.

She rolls her eyes at my lack of explanation before walking back toward the house. "I can't say that I understand what you're talking about, and when you figure it out, come find me. I am going back inside. Hopefully, they will be able to give me straight answers."

I watch her leave, desperately wanting her to turn around and stay, but I know if she does, I'll give her the real reason, the unspeakable truth.

_I bit you because I love you, Bella. I never want to leave your side.  
_

_

* * *

_**So, what do you think? If this chapter gets BHLB to 700 reviews, I will finish the Carlisle outtake.**

**Oh, fun news, BHLB won runner-up for Best Angst in the Golden Chocolate Awards! I am pretty excited about that. :)**

**Review. Please & Thanks!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hi! Well, once again, I am a touch late with this update. My bad. Well, we got 700 reviews with the last chapter, so you can expect the second half of the Carlisle update soon! :)**

**The reviews have dropped, and I wish that everyone who reads would leave a review. I know, though, that is never going to happen, but about 300 of you have BHLB on your favorites list. (which is amazing!) If you haven't left a review, do it. It is quick and painless, and you will get a lovely, sometimes funny, response from me. ;) **

**So, I chose two songs for this chapter as well. The first is Fresh Pair of Eyes by Brooke Waggoner and the second is Daylight by Matt & Kim. They are quite different from each other. **

**I don't own Twilight. It should be pretty obvious by now, though. **

* * *

I stay out by the river, letting my emotions and thoughts consume me entirely. Before I met this brunette temptress, I never knew how big of a coward I was. She gives me an opening, a chance to tell her the real reasons behind my actions, but I don't take the opportunity and keep her in the dark once more. Bella deserves honesty from me and needs to know the truth.

The truth is, though, I'm afraid. If I tell her how I feel, lay all my cards on the table, it might be completely one-sided. I don't think I can handle the rejection. I am not sure, though, I would be able to stay away from her even if she doesn't want me.

I halfheartedly listen to the conversation between Bella and the family as Carlisle continues to explain the ways of our world – the secrets, the Volturi, the facade we have to keep up. She takes each new piece of information in stride, but I can see the worry that marks her face. The fact that we never sleep or tire causes a moment of panic, but Jasper quickly squelches it.

It then turns to harder subjects.

"Your funeral is tomorrow," Carlisle says to Bella, grabbing my full attention outside. I concentrate on his mind, letting myself see through his thoughts. Bella is sitting on the couch, elbows on her knees and head in her hands. Her shoulders are tense, relaying her anxiety, and I want nothing more to soothe her and kiss away her worries.

"My funeral?" She questions with a small gasp. "What does everyone else think happened to me?" Her eyes travel over her cold, hard body before she looks back at Carlisle, holding his gaze, looking right through him into my heart.

"Well, Alice foresaw this, so we got a will together for you with specific instructions on what you wanted in case of your death..."

"Wait," Bella says, interrupting. "Alice knew this was going to happen? Did Edward know before hand as well?"

"No," Alice replies. "He would have stopped himself if he knew, no matter the cost."

"So," Bella states, and I call tell she is trying to figure out what to do with this new information. "You knew he would do this, but you didn't give him any warning. I mean, it's visibly noticeable that he's upset about biting and turning me. I am pretty sure he regrets the decision with the somber way he's acting..."

"That's just Eddie," Emmett interjects from the loveseat. "He is a somber dude."

How could she think I regret what I have done? Yes, I regret hurting her, misleading her, but I could never regret the opportunity to keep her with me forever. Hell, she is my forever.

"No matter," Bella continues. "He had a right to know. I had a right to know. You all could have saved yourself a whole lot of trouble and just let me die."

"NO!" I yell out at the same time as Alice does inside. Bella turns her head to peer at Alice before cocking her head toward the window, searching for something outside.

"I mean," Alice says in a quieter voice. "The other outcome was not acceptable. I could not let you die."

"When it is your time to go, it's your time, Alice," Bella whispers, looking at her feet. "Everyone dies. It's inevitable."

"Not anymore," Alice replies, "for you, at least."

Bella closes her eyes and takes a deep, unneeded breath before looking up and acknowledging everyone in my family, our family if she'll have us. "I need some time to think. I'd like to be alone."

"Of course," Carlisle answers with a kind voice. "Take all the time you need."

She nods, leaving the room. I can hear her feet on the stairs before she turns into the room that now belongs to her. I can't hear anything after that, so I stand still, waiting for her next move.

I am still rooted in the same spot an hour later when Alice finds me.

_Were you listening earlier?_

I nod tersely, keeping my eyes trained on Bella's window.

_She thinks you don't care about her, that you regret changing her. _

I cringe at her words, dropping my chin to my chest. "I..." start, but she interrupts me.

_No excuses, Edward. That girl needs to know how you feel. _

I raise my eyes, looking at my pixie sister. "I know. I'm scared to just come out and say it, though."

"Oh, Edward," she sighs out in a whisper. "You shouldn't be afraid, but I know this is all new for you, being exposed like this. Love is the most wonderful and most terrifying thing that exists in the world. Your mate will be able to break you down to the smallest parts of yourself, parts you didn't even know you had, and you will be bare and vulnerable. It's easy to not give in, to run away, but if you let someone into your heart, it is more than words can describe. You will be complete when you didn't even know that you were only half of yourself."

She smiles sweetly at me before patting me reassuringly on the shoulder as my mind turns over everything she just told me. Sure, I've seen love before through the minds of others, but to experience it first hand is just like Alice said – terrifying.

"I'm just not ready to say it point blank like that," I finally mumble out.

_Good, because I don't think Bella is ready to hear it... yet. Actually, I know that she's not ready. _

"When will she be?" I ask.

_I__ can't tell you that, silly!_

"Well then, what can you tell me?" I question, frustrated with this little game we're playing.

_Show Bella your feelings for her. _

"How?"

_You know, you need to do somethings on your own, Edward! What kind of romantic gesture would it be if it came from me?_

Her mental tone is admonishing as her thoughts become more and more annoyed. I put my hands up in defeat, backing down from the tiny yet scary creature in front of me.

"I'll figure it out. Thanks for your advice, Alice."

_No problem! By the way, the sun is going to break through around four today._

She grins at me before spinning on her toe and skipping back into the house. I watch her retreating form with a raised eyebrow. It never ceases to amaze me that even though I can read her mind, a conversation with Alice can still leave me utterly clueless to what she's thinking.

Shaking my head, I make my way back toward the house. Thinking about what Alice just said, I know I need to somehow show Bella that I love her. I am just not sure how I am going to go about it.

Mostly, I hope this does not blow up in my face.

I knock on her door, waiting as patiently as possible on the other side, stopping myself from just barging in.

"Yes?" She questions through the wooden barrier. I have never hated the idea of a door more in my life.

"Bella," I greet to the bronze knob, keeping my fingers crossed that it will soon turn, revealing my love to my desperate eyes. "Can I come in?"

There is a moment of silence that is almost perceptible to touch, as though I can feel her hesitation. Not daring to disturb this awkward moment, not even to cross my fingers in a foolhardy notion of luck, I wait.

Without a word from the other side, the door slowly cracks open, revealing a sliver of sunlight into the hall. I guess it is about four.

I give her a small smile, hoping to reassure her in anyway she needs. "I'd like to show you something," I say, putting my hand out, encouraging her to place hers in mine, to trust me.

"What?" She asks with a furrowed brow, uncertainty covering her beautiful face.

"You know that we can go out in the daylight," I start.

"Obviously," she points out sarcastically before giving me a teasing grin.

"Well, like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," I reply with a crooked smile, arching my brow in challenge. She puts her hands up in defeat, signaling for me to continue.

"There is a reason we do not go out in sunlight, though," I nods and places her small hand into mine.

I don't let go of her hand on the stairs or in the hall, and I grip it tighter the moment we step outside. "Ready?" I ask, turning my face toward her, and it takes all of my control not to bridge the small gap between our bodies, meshing us together into one.

"I guess," she replies, shrugging her shoulders in acquiesce. "You never told me where we were going, though."

"I want to show you what we look like in the sunlight, so we are going to go somewhere special to me, an oasis of sorts buried in the woods," I answer, looking toward the river.

"Well, alright then," she says with a small laugh, warming my body with its lilting tone.

I reluctantly let go of her hand so we can jump the river, and she enjoys it just as much as the first time, relishing in the small wonders of her new body. I start running at a slower pace than before, and she matches her strides to mine.

I turn directions suddenly when I pick up the tenor of a human mind in the distance.

"Why did you do that?" Bella questions, speeding up slightly so that she is beside me.

"Avoiding temptation," I answer cryptically.

She wrinkles her brow in confusion before her eyes widen in understanding. "A person?"

I nod, and she looks at me, deep in thought. "You heard their mind, right? That's how you knew they were there?"

"That's right," I reply, turning to look at her.

"What is it like?" She questions. "Reading minds?"

I stop running and she immediately halts next to me. "It's hard," I confess honestly. "Don't ever take for granted your alone time because there is always someone in here with me," I continue, tapping my temple with my pointer finger.

"You can't read my mind at all?"

I shake my head but give her a smile. "It's wonderful. When I am with you, I feel so free. You'll never know how much your silent mind means to me."

Her teeth tug on her bottom lip, biting forcefully into the pink flesh, and I am worried she will break the skin with her new, razor sharp teeth. "Do you ever wish you could hear me as well?" She finally asks in a small voice.

She has no idea how much I want to know what runs through her head, her thoughts, her feelings, but I don't want to scare her away with that revelation.

"Why?" I question with a grin. "Would you like to tell me every little thing you are thinking?"

"No," she stutters out with a laugh.

"Then, I suppose your secrets are safe, my dear." I say seriously. "For now, at least," I continue, gazing into her red eyes, arching my brow to compliment my gravely tone of voice.

Her mouth opens into a little gasp, but she does not break our eye contact until I give her a crooked smirk. "Umm," she begins, startling herself with the sound of her voice, "I thought we were going somewhere." She turns immediately, running quickly into the direction we were headed previously.

I chuckle to myself as I catch up. "Wait," I call out. "You don't know where we are going!"

"I'm sure I can figure it out," she replies in a quiet tone as I inch ahead of her.

"Don't be so stubborn," I joke. "We're almost there." I turn my head to the left to give her a huge, goofy grin, and it makes me unbelievably happy when she returns it.

Sooner than I think possible, we stop at the line of trees that surround my meadow. "Ready?" I ask, cutting my eyes toward her, taking in her apprehensive expression.

"We aren't going to turn into some disfigured creature in the sunlight are we?" She asks, staring out at the grassy area which is illuminated by the bright rays.

"No," I reply, taking her hand once more. "It will just explain why we can't go out in the sun," I continue. "Shut your eyes," I plead, and her lids flutter closed. I lead her out into the center of my meadow, delighted in the fact that my fingers are still interlaced with hers.

We stop, surrounded by the tall grass and flowers swaying lackadaisically in the wind as the river trickles melodiously behind us, but the beauty of the woman beside me overshadows all of these things. She is truly amazing. I take a moment to take in her sparkling skin, lighting up the center of my meadow like the North Star, guiding me home.

If I am sure that I am Edward Cullen, vampire, I am certain that Bella is my home. Wherever she is, I shall be as well.

I unlock our hands only so I can move behind her to place my body as close as possible without actually touching her. I lean lightly into her hair, breathing in her delicious scent as I line my lips up with her ear. "Open your eyes, love," I whisper, my breath brushing over the sensitive skin, and she lets out a small gasp.

"Where are we?" She asks quietly, taking in my meadow through hungry eyes.

"This is my special place," I answer. "I found this when we first moved here, and I discovered that it is far enough away from the house and any human made trails that while in the sanctity of this circle, I can be alone in my head."

"It's so beautiful," she replies.

"Yes," I murmur, staring at Bella. "You are the only person I have ever brought here," I continue honestly.

"Really?" She questions, her voice dripping with an emotion that I can't quite place as she spins around to face me. Her mouth falls open as she stares unabashedly at me. "I..." she starts as she reaches out to touch my sparkling skin. The action causes her own arm to sneak into her line of vision, and she slowly moves her hand in front of her face, revolving it back and forth as the sun catches on her skin.

"I'm like a disco ball," she finally mumbles, her eyes widening.

I let out a small laugh, reaching for her hand, placing it flat against my palm, letting us sparkle together. "Well, that is one way to put it," I joke, raising my eyes to her face.

She starts laughing, gasping for breath as she giggles. I raise my eyebrow in question, but I don't interrupt. She looks truly happy.

"I can see now why we would avoid the sun," she chortles. "I was just picturing you walking down the street in the sun, blinding drivers and causing a multicar pile up."

I join in on her laughter. "That's really not that funny," I finally say.

"I know," she chuckles. "I had that thought as well. It's probably why I thought it was so funny," she continues. She must see the confusion on my face as I contemplate her last sentence. "I know, I know," she sighs as the laughter fades but the jubilant feeling remains. "I'm weird."

"I don't think you're weird," I reply, shaking my head at the thought. "I love how your mind works."

"Really?" She questions with a shy smile.

"Of course," I say, taking her hand in mine again. "You are kind, thoughtful, smart and sweet," I pause, giving her a playful stern look, "and sarcastic as hell."

"That is definitely true," she replies as her smile grows, lighting up her entire face. I am sure my returning grin is verging on manic, but I can't find it in myself to reel it back.

I am about to lean in and close the distance between our lips, but she drops my hand and takes a step back. "Alright," she says nervously, "so we sparkle, can run really fast, our minds are insanely brilliant, and we never get tired or sleep." She quickly glances back up at me before directing her attention toward the small stream. "Is there anything I am forgetting?"

"We have super strength," I point out in a teasing tone, following Bella's lead to lighten the pulsing tension between us.

"Right," she replies. "You said that right now I am the strongest out of all of you."

"I wasn't lying. You are even stronger than Emmett," I tease. "You should be able to beat him in any feat of strength."

"So, if I challenged him to an arm wrestling match..." She pauses, looking back at me, glee dancing behind her eyes.

"You would wipe the floor with him," I continue. "You should challenge him one day when he is being extra annoying."

"I'll keep that in mind," she snickers.

"Well, what do you want to do, now?" I ask, following behind her as she leisurely laps the meadow, taking in the organic beauty surrounding us.

She looks back over her shoulder at me. "We don't have to leave yet, do we?"

"We can stay as long as you like, Bella," I answer, moving my hand in a small motion to encompass the entire are. "Mi meadow es su meadow."

"Wow," she replies with a smirk. "Those are some impressive Spanish skills, Edward."

My heart leaps and my pants tighten at the sound of my name escaping her full lips. I love the way she says my name.

"I'll have you know that I am fluent in Spanish and several other languages" I defend myself with a smile while willing my erection to go away with thoughts of Sally and a naked Queen Elizabeth. I let out a grateful exhale and relax my shoulders the moment it does. I doubt that Alice wanted me to show Bella my feelings _that way_.

"Wow," she says with a genuine smile. "What else do you know? I mean you have had over ninety years of time to learn and absorb new things. That's impressive."

"Well, I don't know about impressive," I reply, shaking my head.

"Don't be so humble, Edward," She states. "You obviously went to medical school, but what else have you accomplished? Please, I would love to know."

I could never deny her of anything, so I launch into my background. "I have attended and graduated high school too many times to count." I answer with an eye roll. "Can you imagine going to high school, again and again?"

"Sounds horrible," she agrees.

"It can be," I continue. "I also went to college a few times for different things – science, literature and, of course, medicine. I earned a few Master's degrees before I went to medical school, as well. When we moved here again, I decided to skip high school all together this time around, and that is how I came to be at the hospital.

"You've done so much," she murmurs before looking back up at me. "What do you mean, you moved back here? You all were here before?"

"Many years ago," I answer with a smile. "Enough time had passed, though, that we were able to come back. The weather here really is perfect for hiding our identity."

She nods before a moment of sadness washes over her face.

"What's wrong?" I ask, my tone a touch frantic. Before I can stop myself, I reach out, soothing away the worry line that creases the area between her eyebrows with my fingertip before cupping her face in my palm, rubbing my thumb along her jaw. She gasps slightly when my hand grazes her skin, looking up at me with wide eyes.

"I..." she pauses, turning her face away, so I drop my hand. "I was just thinking of the weather," she continues. "It's hard for me to remember before, but when I lived with my mother, I was somewhere sunny and hot. I moved to Forks and was so upset about the constant dreary rain, but I wasn't any happier in the heat." She stops, putting her back to me. "I guess, what I am trying to say, that I was just trying to remember being happy, and I was having a difficult time. Recently, though, I have been happy no matter the weather." She laughs humorlessly. "That sounded dumb."

"No," I reply. "I understand completely. Until a few months ago, I was never a happy person. I practically had a scowl painted on my face..."

"What happened a few months ago?" She questions, interrupting me.

"I met you," I answer honestly to her back, hoping she will turn to see the truth of my emotions reflected in my eyes.

Her shoulders drop as she lets out a sigh. "I really enjoyed myself today, Edward. Thank you for showing all of this to me."

"It was my pleasure, Bella," I state crestfallen at her sudden change in demeanor.

"I think we should head back now. It's getting late," she mumbles out hurriedly, not sparing a single glance in my direction.

"Of course," I reply.

I can hear her running behind me the entire way toward the house, but she makes no move to pass me or run alongside me. I don't turn around, either, and we finish the small trek in complete silence.

Bella quickly enters the house, running up the stairs and locking herself in her room.

I stand outside the back door, letting the light fade into the darkness of the night, unsure of my next move. Gritting my teeth, I turn back toward the forest, taking out my frustration with the outcome of the day on three deer that I quickly drain.

I replay our conversation in my mind, torturing myself on a continuous loop until a thought breaks through, like the sun through the clouds.

Bella said she is happy.

It is enough... for now.

* * *

**So, what do you think? 750 reviews with this chapter gets an outtake. I'm thinking Bella, but do y'all want to hear from anyone else?**

**Also, I know there are like hundreds of fanfic awards out there, but it is still exciting when you get nominated! BHLB is up for like FOUR Moonlight Awards!! Check it out. I think voting begins on the 18th. **

**http://themoonlightawards(dot)yolasite(dot)com/nominees(dot)php**

**Review. Please & Thanks!!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Well, hello again. I am a touch late with this chapter... again. Woops. I did write the rest of the Carlisle outtake, though, so click on my profile to check that out if you like. I am working on the Bella outtake promised for last chapter, and that should be up soon. **

**The song for this chapter is The Funeral by Band of Horses. This is an utterly fantastic song. Listen. **

**I don't own Twilight, but I am pretty sure you already knew that.**

* * *

I leave Bella alone during the night, and she never emerges from her room. Repeatedly, I find myself outsider her door, my hand lifted as to knock, but I always resist. With her new senses, I have no doubt that she knows I am there, lingering on the other side, but she remains quiet, barely even moving.

_Edward, can I talk to you?_

I make my way toward Carlisle's office, nodding my consent when I poke my head around the door frame.

He motions for me to shut the door behind me, so I do, quickly situating myself in the chair across from his desk.

"So, son, what are you going to do about the hospital?"

For a moment, I am taken aback. My entire life has been revolving around Bella for the last few weeks, so I just assume everyone else only wants to speak about my favorite subject.

"What do you mean?" I ask, finally finding my voice.

"Well," he starts, placing his hands on the desk. "During her change, you did not leave her side."

Why would I leave her side? I open my mouth to say as much, but Carlisle raises his hands to me and shakes his head.

"Of course, I understand that, but you also have to realize that by doing so, you have missed four days of your internship."

"Alright," I state simply. "I am leaving the hospital."

"Edward!" He hisses. "Think about what you are saying. This is the career path you chose this time around. This is the life you are leading. We can not abandon our roles."

"I hear you loud and clear, Carlisle, and if I was still a high school student like everyone else, I would still attend because that is not as easily explained. I am not, though, and people change their career courses all the time."

"Are you sure about this?" He asks, his eyes filled with concern. "Once you follow through with this decision, there shall be no turning back."

"I am completely positive. I have no doubts." I confirm with a small nod.

"I hate to ask this, Edward, but what if Bella does not want you around?" He does seem to be bothered by the question, and I can understand his concern. This is my choice, though, and I choose Bella – always.

"I will be here none the less," I say with a sigh.

I get up to leave, turning my back to him, but Carlisle stops me with a single thought.

_Her funeral is tomorrow._

"I haven't forgotten," I reply, facing the door.

_I am going to go. After my talk with her father, it is something I need to do. _

"You never mentioned how that went," I say, spinning around and sitting back down.

_Throughout my career, I have had to be the bearer of news of death more times than I want to think about, but this time was different. He was filled with so much..._

Carlisle's silent words end as he shakes his head from the memories. He stands and circles the desk, stopping in front of me before he falls into a crouch so we are eye to eye and places his hands on my shoulders.

_I need you to promise me something, Edward. _

Even in his mind, his pleading is desperate and haggard, and I nod my head in agreement without even knowing of what he is asking me.

_You must promise me that no matter what, you will put Bella first. I am not saying to never think of yourself, but I need you to give all that you can, all of yourself, to Bella. I know you love her, but you are going to have to work hard to convince her of that fact. My entire life was spent thinking I was not worthy, and I can relate to Bella in a way that others may not. It took a centuries before I even considered that I was someone deserving of love. Please, son, don't make Bella wait that long. _

"I promise with all that I am and ever hope to be," I swear to him. "I have been fooling myself all along thinking I was complete, and as cliché as it sounds, I am not whole without Bella." I finish this last part almost silently so that no one else will be able to hear our conversation.

_Well, that is all I can ask of you. I am happy you have found love, Edward. It is truly an amazing thing._

I nod in agreement and stand once more to leave.

"I will get all the paperwork you are going to have to sign and bring it home for you tomorrow," he says to me in parting.

"Thank you, Carlisle. I really appreciate it."

With that, I am out the door and hiding myself away in my room. I comb through my music, searching for the sounds and notes that will match my mood. My finger slides across the titles as I quickly play my favorite track from each one in my head.

I finally hone in on what I need, and pop it open, placing the CD into the system. I pace my room for a moment, letting my thoughts drift over this tumultuous day. It seems like Bella has been with us, been one of us, for a while now, and for some reason it is hard for me to fathom that she just woke up from her change this morning.

Maybe it is because she has been my light, my reason, my love for these couple of months, and it is hard for me to remember myself before her when I was caught in a never ending cycle of monotony.

I never expected my escape from my former life to come in the form of a beautiful, human young woman, but I guess it is just proof to point that our lives are not completely in our own hands.

I would never have chosen a human as my mate, but for some reason, I had no say in that decision. It must have come from some higher power, and who am I to deny what I can only assume is fate. Was I destined all along to finally enter the medical field after so many years of attending school instead merely to help this one girl? Could it be possible that my changing her was meant to be, or am I only trying to justify the immense guilt that I am not sure I will ever be able to purge from my body?

Was Bella right – is fatalism the driving force behind her choices? She could have gotten help sooner, maybe even beaten the cancer, but was she fated as well to come into my life so I could love and cherish her, show her what she has selfishly been denied by everyone during her human days?

As my mind tumbles over these thoughts again and again, I am left with one lingering question. If this is meant to be, who am I, who is Bella for that matter, to deny it?

With a new found sense of vigor, I am determined to make Bella realize that she is what I need, and in turn, realize that I can be everything she never knew she wanted.

Bella will fall in love with me, crazy head over heels in love – with me.

I let my body fall into my black, leather sofa to enjoy the last few hours of the night. I settle into the cushion and close my eyes, turning my mind off to the best of my abilities. I have long ago forgotten the feeling of sleep, but I still enjoy taking the time to let go of it all and give myself the time to regroup with the simple thought of – it wall be better in the morning.

Around seven forty-five, I open my eyes, letting all of my senses rush back into my body. I delight in the tiny feeling of being disoriented before it is quickly replaced with complete awareness of my surroundings.

Hopping in the shower, I mentally prepare myself for today. I no longer am employed at the hospital, so I am looking forward to being able to commit myself to the wooing of my love – tomorrow.

Today, I have decided to attend her funeral. There is a part of me that wants to avoid it entirely, to recognize the new and more sturdy Bella as the only one in my life, but I would be lying.

I fell in love with a human to whom I need to properly say good bye. When I lost control and bit Bella, everything happened so quickly, and as unprepared as she was for the change, I was as well. I can not regret the things I have done because as I decided last night, everything has led us to this point. Hopefully, our actions now will lead us to my only desire – having Bella to love and hold in my arms for the rest of my existence.

According to Carlisle's thoughts, her funeral starts at ten this morning, so I kill about an hour after my shower before I quickly dress in a gray suit. I give up on my hair before I even try to do anything with it, skip the tie and sneak downstairs to the garage.

I am in the Volvo and on the street hopefully before anyone else in the house is aware of my destination. This is something I need to do for myself.

When I arrive at the funeral home, there are not too many cars, but I do take notice of the police cruiser and a Honda with Arizona plates. I make my way into the small chapel, purposely neglecting the guest book, and find a seat in the middle where I try to go unnoticed.

Looking around, I am taken aback by the lack of people here to give their regards and respect for Bella's short human life. In my entire existence, I have never met another person like her. It shocks me that everyone is so blind to what a truly amazing person she is.

I can hear Carlisle in the parking lot, and I square my shoulders for his arrival. He silently calls out my name before he slides into the pew next to me. I turn to look at him, giving him a nod in greeting.

_I didn't know you were coming today._

"I just decided," I tell him in a voice too low for human ears while keeping my eyes trained toward the front of the room.

_I hate that we don't know who is in that urn._

Carlisle's thoughts are filled with the pity for the girl that will forever be known as the remains of Bella Swan. In my opinion, it's an honor for the Jane Doe to even be considered as my love's ashes, but I don't dare say that to Carlisle.

"There is nothing we can do to change it now," I say instead.

_True. _

He looks around the room, taking in the pitiful crowd and a small scowl actually forms on his face.

_These people don't even have the decency to pretend as if they care. _

His thoughts are let out in a sneering tone, and I almost don't know how to react to this new side of my calm and kind father.

"I'm glad they aren't pretending," I reply, motioning quickly around the room with my hand. "None of these people even deserve to be in the same room as an unknown body merely holding the name of Bella, let alone Bella herself. They make me sick."

_We should try to give them the benefit of the doubt. _

And with that thought, Carlisle is back.

"I suppose," I mumble, not believing my own words as they fall from my lips.

A Reverend walks to the front of the small chapel, taking his place behind the pulpit, and I know from his thoughts that he never even met Bella. As he speaks, every generic phrase dealing with death is tossed out into the unconcerned audience, and I can't stop the small growl that rises in my throat.

_Edward, if you can't control yourself, you are going to have to leave._

I grit my teeth, clenching my hands into tight fists. "I'm fine," I reply to him. "This is just a load of bull shit."

He nods slightly, and I am momentarily shocked that he agreed with me.

_Still, you need to restrain your emotions. _

Sighing, I turn my concentration back to the front of the room, letting my gaze fall onto the ornate urn that Bella would not have chosen for herself. My mind wanders toward the future I prevented, the one where Bella would actually be inside of that urn, and I shudder at the thought.

I breathe in slowly, hoping to calm myself down, but in doing so, I pick up a scent that is all too familiar to me.

_What is she doing here?_

Carlisle's question comes two seconds after I am out the door and running into the woods behind the funeral home.

"How many people can actually go to their own funeral?" she jokes humorlessly the moment I pass the threshold of the trees, and I raise my eyes to find her perched twenty feet above me on a birch limb.

"Not many, I'd think," I reply, scrambling up quickly to situate myself on her branch.

"I know I shouldn't be here," she starts, but I interrupt her.

"How are you here, Bella?" I ask. "How did you get past Alice."

She shrugs, turning her eyes back toward the back outside wall of the funeral home, concentrating on the room that I know is the chapel. "I don't know," she sighs. "I just kind of did it. I didn't put any thought into it."

"I see," I say as I pick random leaves and watch them flutter to the ground. "How are you controlling yourself around all these humans?" I ask the question in the forefront of mine. This could have turned into a blood bath.

"Well, it definitely smells mouth watering," she says with a gulp as I watch her pupils darken out of the corner of my eyes. "I seem to be able to deny giving into the thirst, though."

I turn until I am facing her, letting my mouth fall open with this flabbergasting statement. "I have never known a newborn to deny their thirst before," I state in an even tone.

"Sitting here on this branch, listening to the people inside pretending to care for me, wishing my parents their condolences, a lot of memories have flooded back into my mind." She sighs as she turns her body a little more toward mine while tracing random patterns on the bark with her fingertip. "I have been denied everything I wanted in my human life, and in turn as I grew up I learned to never hope or want for anything. Chances were, I was just going to be disappointed. I don't know, maybe that's why I can deny what I really want now."

"What is that you want?" I question, praying that my name will slip from her lips.

"I want to go inside that so-called funeral and rip every single person in there apart," she states simply.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh," she repeats me, her tone mirrors mine.

"I can't do that, though," she continues with a sigh. "I want to, but I won't let myself give in to that urge."

"I know it's hard to resist," I reply.

"There are harder things," she answers cryptically.

I don't say anything in response because I don't know what to say. I concentrate on the words that her mother speaks inside as Bella continually scoffs, sneers and growls as she talks of her wonderful daughter. Then, we listen as Cheif Swan speaks, and his thoughts are very different from those of her mother.

"I am going to regret everyday until I leave this earth that my daughter never knew how much I loved her. My sins will never be forgiven." With this statement, Chief Swan leaves the pulpit and the chapel, letting the Reverend end the funeral with a prayer.

I take Bella's hand in mine, and she latches onto my fingers with a firm grip.

"Are you okay," I question stupidly. I have no idea what else to do.

She shakes her head slightly as she releases her bottom lip, letting a small wail escape her throat. "Damn it," she mutters under her breath with a small growl.

Before I even have a chance to offer her any more comfort than a squeeze of my hand, her parents come around the corner of the building. I groan inwardly, and cling tighter to Bella's hand. If she decides to attack, I know I stand no chance at stopping her.

"How could you say that, Charlie?" Bella's mother exclaims, throwing her hands into the air.

"It was the truth," he replies quietly. Bella's face is unreadable as she takes in the scene below us.

"You made yourself look like a fool!!" She yells, pushing his shoulder with her hand. He just stands there, unmoving, letting her berate him. "In doing so, you also made me look like a fool!"

"That wasn't my intention, Renee. I don't know how you don't feel guilty, though." His eyes turn toward the leave covered ground. "She deserved so much more than the two of us. I don't know how the way we raised our daughter, the way she was ignored and treated by her own parents, isn't eating you alive."

"Bella had a wonderful childhood," she insists, defending herself vehemently. Bella rolls her eyes, and I lace my fingers through hers while lightly stroking the expanse of skin between her pointer finger and thumb with my own thumb, making small circles across the creamy surface.

"You can just keep on lying to yourself then, Renee," Charlie sighs as he turns and walks back toward the parking lot.

We both watch as Bella's mother breaks into tears, falling to her knees on the cold ground as the sobs shake her shoulders. I turn my head away from the scene below us, letting Bella watch as Renee bangs her fists soundlessly into the dirt. I pulse my fingers around hers to give her a small ounce of continued support.

After her eyes dry, Renee picks herself up and wanders back around the building.

We sit in silence, hidden among the leaves for two hours, not speaking nor moving except for my thumb which never ceases its ministrations on her hand. She finally lets out a haggard sigh, and I lift my free hand to her face, cupping her chin and turning her face toward mine.

Her eyes are closed as she tugs on her bottom lip with her teeth, and I absentmindedly run my finger over her mouth, freeing her lip. She opens her eyes at my touch, granting me permission to her black eyes.

"Bella," I murmur, not dropping my hands from her face.

She gazes into my eyes for a moment longer before dropping her chin to her chest, and I let my hand drop from it's home on her cheek. I refuse to let go of her hand, though, until she physically makes me.

"I can't decide," she speaks quietly after a few minutes, "if hearing that was worth it."

"What do you mean?" I ask, encouraging her to speak about this monstrosity of a funeral so she won't carry the pain around inside her.

"It's just... maybe..." She sighs in frustration. "Obviously," she starts again, "from viewing that mess below, I can tell that in some way my parents loved... love me. Is that fact going to make the entirety of my human life easier or harder to bare?"

She turns to look at me, letting her emotions consume her features. "I can't say, love," I respond with a sad smile. "I imagine that only time will tell."

She rolls her eyes at the trite phrase. "Although, in my opinion, it's always better to have the truth because now you know. It doesn't make things easier, not really, but at least you don't have to wonder for the rest of eternity about it." She nods slightly with my words, and I hope that they are helping in some way. "It doesn't explain why they treated you like they did. It took every ounce of restraint I had to not jump from this tree and snap their necks," I growl out, letting the rage I was holding in for Bella's sake boil inside me.

Unexpectedly, Bella lets out a small laugh, covering her mouth with a small gasp. "I'm sorry. I just know exactly what you mean," she sighs.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I say quietly as her laughter dissipates.

"What are you sorry for?" She questions with an arched eyebrow.

"For not saving you sooner," I reply, not truly comprehending the exact meaning behind these words.

"Saving me?" Her words get caught in her throat, and I take a moment to let my eyes examine her face, and at that moment, I know without a doubt that I did indeed save her. It just so happened that I did so by killing her.

"You were drowning, love, and I couldn't just stand by and watch it. I just couldn't..." My words fade after my admission, and I am scared to look back at her. We sit in silence once more, but this time the quiet is all consuming. The only thing I can concentrate on is the feel of her hand in mine, and the fact that she has not torn our fingers apart. I let myself take a large amount of comfort in that.

The moment I'm afraid the silence is going to drive me insane, she lets out the smallest whisper.

"Thank you, Edward."

My heart swells with her words, so much so that I am concerned it is going to burst free from my chest. A crooked grin takes over my face, and I know that some how everything is going to work out.

"It was my pleasure, Bella," I respond in a whisper as well, and she turns again to look at me. I take in her beautiful features and lovely face, the physical attributes that make up my wonderful Bella, but she is so much more than her appearance.

"I think we should hunt," I declare loudly, changing the subject. "Your eyes are completely black. We can't be having that. Besides, we want to make them golden as soon as possible."

"What do you mean?" She asks confusedly. "What color are my eyes then?"

I furrow my brow as I think about her words. "Have you not seen yourself, Bella, since you woke up?"

"Hmm... I guess not," she replies with a shrug, and my mouth falls open in shock.

She has no idea what a vision of perfection she is.

"Alright, well first we hunt, and then I have got to get you to some sort of reflective surface!" I exclaim. "Let's go, love."

She nods and we simultaneously jump from the tree before taking off deeper into the forest.

We smell a herd of deer in the distance, and she crinkles her nose at the herbivore's scent. I take her hand again, relishing in her touch once more. "I know they don't smell as good as the mountain lion or other carnivorous animals, but you need some blood."

She nods, dropping my hand before she takes off into the forest, pushing her legs faster and faster until I can barely keep up. She pounces onto the unsuspecting doe, taking her down in one fatal swoop as Bella's teeth slice through the spinal cord. I watch her in wonder as she drains the animal, covering herself in the thick substance in the process. Before they all get away, I trap another deer with my hands, breaking its neck as she finishes the first one, offering it to my love.

"You don't want it?" She questions as she picks leaves out of her hair, and I have to turn away to keep my sexual feelings at bay for I have never seen anything sexier than Bella dripping with blood, covered in dirt and leaves. I shake my head, holding the dead mammal out to her once more, and she accepts it with a shrug, draining it quickly.

I bury both animals as she is dusting debris off her body. "Will I ever get any better at this?" She asks, pulling at her ruined clothes. I fight the urge to rip the offending garments completely from her body, leaving her bare and waiting for me, only for me.

Mine!

I close my eyes at the emotions and desires coursing through my body, stronger than they have ever been before. "For my sanity, I hope you do," I answer her, mumbling quietly to myself. I take another second to collect myself, and I open my eyes, lifting them to the smirking face of my beautiful love.

"What?" I ask, slightly defensive.

"Nothing," she replies, raising her brows slightly while the smirk remains plastered to her face. "Come on, Edward," she continues, placing her hand in mine and tugging lightly. "I need to get home, so I can change."

She drops my hand and takes off in the direction of the house. Dazed, I follow behind as we dart through the trees -- toward home.

* * *

**Well? What do you think? I have decided that I am no longer going to bribe y'all with outtakes. I love reading and responding to your reviews, getting the chance to chat back and forth with those who want to, but I don't want to beg. It's starting to make me feel dirty, and not in the good way. ;) I am going to continue to post outtakes, especially if y'all ask for one and want to see something through another perspective. I look forward to hearing from you.**

**I know I already mentioned the moonlight awards, but voting is now open. The link is in the last chapter, and y'all should go vote for your faves. If BHLB just happens to be it, then more power to you. **

**Also, my lovely friend, Mombailey and a few liked minded gals have started a contest. If you want to get your feet wet in the ff world, this is a great way to do it. You can find the link on her profile. **

**That is all. Review. Please & Thanks. :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**So, I had trouble finding my way with this chapter. It took me awhile to even get started. I might not be able to post next week because I am having my gallbladder out. :( I'll try to get it up, though. **

**Soooo, a lot of 80s references in this chapter, so I selected the song: Take on Me by A.C. Newman. You may know the a-ha original , but I really love this version. **

**I don't own Twilight or any of the bands or songs listed. No copyright infringements intended. That is all.**

* * *

I gather another row of CDs from the shelf to transfer onto my computer, looking over the titles. I have decided to take on this task by decades. Let's see... Best of Bowie, The Clash, Depeche Mode, Tiffany... Wait. I pick up the offending CD, studying the teenage girl on the cover. I make a new pile just for it – CDs going to Goodwill. Where did this come from? I bet Alice stuck it in here as a joke. I remember not to fondly her dancing and singing this crap. Who knows when she added it to my collection? Only a vampire would enjoy a joke that takes twenty years to get to the punchline.

"I think we're alone now," I sing softly to myself while configuring the rest of the eighties to digital MP3 format. I should have done this years ago, really. "There doesn't seem to be anyone around."

"That's probably a good thing, Edward," Bella chuckles behind me. Sometimes, I really hate that I can't read her mind. She is so damn quiet!

"Uh... you shouldn't sneak up on people," I stumble over my words, thoroughly embarrassed that she heard me. I keep my back turned, moving on to my Cure collection.

"I would say I was sorry, but I'm not," she replies with a giggle. "I mean, you were singing Tiffany!"

"No, I wasn't!" I exclaim defensively, rising to my feet and spinning around to face her. "I was singing the version by Tommy James & the Shondells from 1967."

She moves closer, stealthily, dangerously, a beautiful smirk plastered to her face. I swallow a mouthful of venom at the sight, letting my imagination create wonderful images of our mouths connecting in a passionate kiss... clothes ripped away... skin pressed against skin...

Oh, God. I can almost imagine her bare body flush against mine.

I put my hands in my pockets; thankful that I'm wearing loose fitting jeans. As her face comes closer to mine, her cool breath on my cheek, I close my eyes, letting my mouth fall open with a silent gasp.

"Just admit it, Edward," she whispers into my ear as her finger traces the collar of my shirt, lightly brushing against the skin above the fabric, teasing me, torturing me. My name is an erotic melody falling from her lips. "I call bullshit," she continues, exaggerating the words with a small flick of her tongue, so close to my ear, I can almost feel the silky wetness of her venom, mixed with my venom which runs through her body. "You were singing Tiffany."

"It's not mine, I promise," I mumble, dazed by her actions and the electric aftermath of her touch coursing through my body. "It must be Alice's."

"You were singing it, though, and that's all that matters," she replies with a shrug, separating herself from me to flop down on my black leather sofa, and I fight the desire to claim what belongs to me. Shaking my head, clearing myself out of the Bella induced haze, I turn toward her with wide eyes to find her grinning and giggling at my expense.

"You play dirty," I growl out, embarrassed over the frightening amount of control she has over my more than willing body.

"Well, someone has to, Edward," she quietly sighs, pushing herself off the couch and moving quickly toward the door.

My brow furrows in confusion at her last statement, but, like always, I don't ask her to clarify what she means. I don't want to shatter the illusion that she truly means that. Our relationship now is so playful; I don't want to jump to any foolish conclusions.

A month has passed since Bella's funeral, and everyday, I can practically see the light reflecting from her eyes become brighter and brighter as they in turn become more golden as well. Emotionally, those first weeks after her change, were some of the hardest days I have ever been through. Bella says she's not angry about the change anymore, and I can see that everyday she is becoming more and more comfortable with her new life. It's hard for me to let it go, though. When she was sad, thinking about her family or contemplating her human life and death, how was I not to feel responsible? I know it was her family that mistreated her before, and technically it's not my fault. I understand that. I do, but I still feel as though I am to blame. I suppose I am just a glutton for punishment.

I seem to prove that point every time I am around Bella. I just want to hold her, love her, make her mine, but I refrain from doing anything that I consider rash. It's killing me. We laugh and talk everyday for hours, and I just want to blurt out my love for her, my undying devotion. I look at her, and I no matter what I do, I can't hide the emotions from my eyes. Sometimes I think that I can see my love shining back through her eyes, but I can't be sure.

As Emmett would say, I need to man up, and I intend to. I have a schedule I'm following, though. I want Bella to have enough time to come to terms with her new life, and I believe she is ready for the next big revelation - I am madly in love with her.

School is still in for a little while longer, keeping the others detained for hours in that miserable place, so I get to spend my days with Bella alone, hunting and getting to know each other better. We spend hours in our meadow, sharing thoughts and ideas, listening to music or simply enjoying the silence and reading. My once refuge from the rest of the world, a place for me to be completely alone in body and mind, no longer just belongs to me. Now, without Bella in it, the meadow is a barren patch of earth, a prison of my half life, my bleak existence before she came into my life.

She has stopped asking questions about her human life, and I have answered all I know Not many of her human memories are coming back, and my time with her in the hospital is barely a blip on the radar of what she does remember, an inconsequential tidbit. She has relayed to me through our conversations that she knows I was there for her during her last days, and I suppose for now that is enough. One day she will know the extent behind my words when say I will here for her always. There is no Edward without Bella.

As much as I would love for her to remember the feelings I knew she was developing, the way her heart would race and her face would blush at my words or my actions. It is best to begin anew and start fresh. I can tell her all day that she had some sort of feelings for me when she was human, but if she can't remember them now, what good would it do, really?

Multiple times, though, I have opened my mouth to speak, to let my words of adoration for the beautiful creature that is Bella fall free from my heart, but I always end up locking my lips, keeping my feelings locked up in inside.

At night, I sit alone, thinking of why this is. Why am I so afraid to express myself? Is it rejection that I fear? I can't seem to narrow down my fear to just one thing. Is it worse to live in limbo where the possibility that she could return my love is still alive, or is it worse to know the truth if all she wants from me is friendship? Before Bella, I was never one to shy away from a problem. I would always face them head on, but now I just don't know what to do.

The indecision is driving me crazy, and a few times when my mind has flickered back and forth between choices, I heard Alice growl out from the other side of the house. I have gathered that Alice is trying to hide her visions concerning Bella and I, and I haven't pushed for her to let me in on the secret. She has let slip a few snippets of the future, though. Lovely images of Bella and I, embracing, kissing deeply and passionately, sharing longing glances with each other. I have also seen the antithesis of those images, Bella crying, screaming at me... leaving. With no sure outcome, I have been hesitant to act.

Every single day since the moment Bella awoke from her change, I have contemplated seeking out Jasper to beg him to give me the insider knowledge of her heart, but I don't think it's fair. I want to win her, but I don't want to cheat. It makes no sense in my head, but I can't shake it, no matter how hard I try. Jasper has offered his opinion as well, and it is getting harder and harder to not give in. I know he just wants to help. I can't imagine that my extreme and constantly changing feelings of guilt, fear, rejection and pangs of love make him feel very balanced. It seems now that when I am outside, he is inside and vice versa.

Jasper has been spending more time with Bella, though, as she is a beacon of light in the night. Each day, she seems to be happier than the last. I hope we are showing her what it means to be a family, to be supportive and caring. She has told me time and time again that baring witness to her funeral and the scene between her parents afterward has given her a sense of closure. She doesn't have anything tying her to her human life anymore. She has accepted her new life and family with open arms. I am so proud of her perseverance.

When it comes down to it, in theory, I just want to do what is best for Bella, but at this point I don't know if I will ever be able to let her go. Selfishly, I want to keep her for myself, only me. I want to scream it from the mountaintops that she is mine!

Bella, Bella, Bella.

Her name is my prayer, my hope. Her voice is my song, my hymn. Her love could be the greatest gift, and I hope one she is willing to share it with me.

"Edward?" Bella calls to me from the doorway, bringing me out of my head.

"Yes, love?" I ask, turning to look at her. She is lovely in jeans and a t-shirt, smiling and biting her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I have something to say, but I am not sure how to say it," she starts, mumbling uncomfortably as she taps her foot to a frantic rhythm.

"You can tell me anything, Bella," I say warmly and truthfully. "I'm always here for you."

"I'm just not sure how you are going to take it," she sighs, turning her face away from me.

"Just say it," I plead, my eyes begging her to trust me. "Whatever it is, you can trust me."

She places her head in her hands, and I can hear her voice, quiet and soft. It's too low for me to make out what she's saying, and I am desperate to know.

"I can't hear you," I tell her. "Please, Bella, what are you saying."

"Running... as fast... can..." Her voice cuts in and out.

"What are you talking about running?" I beg, my tone worried and tense.

She lifts her face, her eyes twinkling with amusement, before she dips her shoulder dramatically, bring her closed fist in front of her face as a microphone. "Holding onto one another's hands," she belts out in a beautiful soprano. "Trying to get away into the night," she continues, winking at me behind jazz hands. "And, then you put your arms around me and we tumble to the ground," she finishes the verse, falling to her knees in a fit of laughter.

"I think we're alone now," she sings between giggles. "There doesn't seem to be anyone arooouunnd!"

Her body collapses beneath her, and she rolls around on the carpet for a few minutes, laughing and occasionally snorting. It kills me how cute she is.

"Are you done?" I ask, faking annoyance, as she comes down from her laughing fit.

"Oh, Edward,"she sighs, laying flat on the ground, limb splayed wide. "I didn't know you had a thing for redheads."

"I don't," I reply matter-of-factly. "I'm partial to brunettes." I let my mouth turn into a crooked grin, one that never failed to make her human heart race, and I give her my hand to pull her up.

"Is that so?" She questions as she straightens her t-shirt. "So, I guess that means you were more of a Paula Abdul fan," she jokes, giving me a toothy smile.

"God no," I answer her, shaking my head vehemently. "I was into the Cure, the Talking Heads... that kind of thing. If you want teen idols of the eighties, Alice is your girl," I say with a laugh.

"I'm going to ask her later if you were a closeted Tiffany fan, Edward," she informs me. "I mean, you could have at least liked Debbie Gibson. She at least wrote her own songs!" She giggles, turning to leave my room.

"I told you," I yell down the hall at her retreating form. "I'm into brunettes, not redheads or blondes!"

She mumbles something as she reaches the stairs, and if my senses are not betraying me, she just said, 'prove it.'

"How do you know so much about the eighties anyway?" I shout out my question, and she turns to face me, rolling her eyes.

"God, Emmett made me watch like five hours of Vh1 the other day. There was a marathon of something stupid like Pop Hits of the 80's. I am now well versed in all things pop culture of the 1980s, like gag me with a spoon," she jokes using her best Valley Girl impression.

I let out a loud belly laugh, one that would never come from the Edward before Bella. "Yeah, Emmett loved the eighties," I inform her with a grin. "Rose threatened to withhold sex if he didn't get rid of his Member's Only jacket," I chuckle at the memory. "It was 1993, though. It was time to move on."

"That is too funny!" She exclaims. "I am so making fun of Emmett later."

I nod in agreement. Emmett and Bella have gotten quite close since she challenged him to an arm wrestling match one afternoon about three weeks ago. He now demands once a week rematches until he is strong enough to beat her. His ego is going to remain wounded for a few more months.

"Would you like to go to the meadow later?" I ask.

"Sure," she replies with a warm smile, and I fight the urge to grab onto her and never let go. "Just find me when you want to leave. I'll let you get back to Tiffany." She turns and descends the stairs, laughing until she reaches her room, shutting the door behind her.

I cringe with the knowledge that she is probably going to tell everyone about the Tiffany incident, but I won't regret it. The whole thing just gave Bella and I another opportunity to talk and enjoy each other's company. Anytime I spend with her, no matter what we're doing, is amazing. Even if she's making fun of me for almost the entirety of the conversation.

Bella, in general, is wonderful – her personality, her sense of humor, her kindness. Everything about her pulls you in, and makes it impossible for you not to like her. No one in the family, not even Rose, can deny the strength of the Bella orbit. She just sucks you in.

After me, since I force her to be around me almost twenty four hours a day, Bella is closest with Alice. Though, not everything has been a walk in the park with those two. Alice has always had a little problem with going overboard, and Bella is the first to jump in and tell her to stop.

For example, the time Alice ordered Bella an entire wardrobe of silky and shiny materials did not go over very well. Bella, as in control of her blood lust as she is, is still a newborn. If Jasper wouldn't have been in the room, emitting some strong waves of calm, there might have been a lot more destroyed clothing. God, when Bella ripped into the first scarf, Alice cried out like she was sinking her teeth into her child.

"NOOOO!!!," she screamed hysterically. "Not the Hermes!!"

A snarling Alice, a clothes ripping growling Bella, Emmett cheering them on, Rose snorting on the sidelines, and Jasper trying to protect Alice from Bella and her unpredictable newborn emotions – concluded for an extremely amusing afternoon.

_Edward!!!_

Think of the devil, and she'll squeal your name in her thoughts.

Alice bursts through my open door, propping herself dramatically against the frame, eyes alive with excitement; as she grins manically while bouncing from foot to foot.

"Hello, Alice," I greet her, and in turn she curtsies. I raise a brow in question, but just let it go. "Where is everyone else?"

"I ran home!" She cries out, rolling back and forth on the balls of her feet. "I just couldn't wait for Rose. She drives so slow."

"Rosalie drives like a maniac," Bella directs at Alice from the doorway before winking at me. I smile in return. "How was school, Allie cat?"

"You should have SEEN the outfit Jessica Stanley was wearing!" She screeches, and I unconsciously move further away from the pixie fashion police. "Don't distract me with talk of school, Bella," she chastises, changing the subject quickly enough to give a human whiplash. Bella gives Alice a funny look before shrugging her shoulders at me. I roll my eyes and let out a small chuckle. "I swear. You two really get on my nerves!" Alice growls, suspiciously narrowing her eyes at both of us.

"I'm sorry that you hyperactively charged into _my_ room," I state, holding my hand against my chest, "and that we annoyed _you_."

"I forgive you," she replies sweetly with a little nod. I hate when Alice refuses to acknowledge sarcasm.

"So, Alice," Bella starts warily. "What did you want to tell us?"

"We are going to play baseball tonight!!!" She yells out, dancing around the room as the others pull into the garage in Rose's BMW. "It's going to be so much fun!"

"Bella and I already have plans tonight," I inform her, grimacing at what I know her reaction will be.

"Yeah," she responds, glaring down at me with one hand on her hip and the other hand about five inches from my face, "and your plans are to play baseball with the rest of the family!" She jabs her pointer finger at me in aggravation, barely missing my face with each word.

"Fine, Alice," I give in. "What time will we be able to play?"

Her eyes glaze over for a moment, envisioning the future storm in her head. I nod, knowing the answer before she comes out of the vision. "Sounds good," I say to her, turning back to my morning task that is taking me a lot longer than planned.

"I hate that!" Bella exclaims. "You two never say anything out loud!"

"Sorry, love," I respond with a smile. "We'll be clear to play around eight o'clock."

"I've never played baseball before," Bella responds, worrying her bottom lip.

"Good," I say with a smile, and she gives a confused glance. "It's just I wouldn't even want you to compare it to human baseball. It is so much better."

"I'm a little nervous," she admits.

"Don't worry. I'll teach you, love."

_God, just kiss her already, Edward._

I glare at Alice, and she raises her eyebrows in challenge.

_Wait! Forget just kissing. How about we lock you two in a room for a few days and just let you go at it!_

I turn my face away in embarrassment because I would **REALLY** like that, but I don't want Alice to know. Bella continues to look back and forth between Alice and I, trying to figure out our silent conversation.

_God, you are so easy to read, Edward!_

"Think about it, Edward," she sings out as she leaves the room, giggling in her thoughts. Think about it - is she crazy? All I do is think about making love with Bella, every single second of the day.

"What's she talking about?" Bella questions me as her eyes follow Alice out the door.

"Umm... the teams for tonight," I mumble, picking up a new CD. Ah, New Order. I haven't listened to them in awhile.

"Fine. Don't tell me," she retorts, rolling her eyes as she leaves the room. "Hey, Rose," Bella says in the hallway as she heads toward the stairs. I groan, but continue sorting my music, hoping Rose will just leave me alone.

_Why are you such a little chicken shit?_

I just growl at her in response.

_I'm serious, Edward. You need to just grow a pair and tell her already before it's too late. _

"Too late?" I question, looking up at Rose. "Why would you say that?"

_Bella is a desirable vampire. What are you going to do if someone else happens upon her and is not afraid to claim their interest in her._

"That will never happen," I argue. "Besides," I continue in a low whisper, "she is mine!"

_She is the only one who doesn't know that, Edward._

"God," I sigh. "You're right." I pinch the bridge of my nose out of frustration at myself. "I'll tell her tonight after the game. I'll confess everything."

_It's about time. _

I glare at her, tempted to slap the smug expression off her face, but I really don't want to release the wrath of Rosalie. She can be ruthless when it comes to revenge.

"God, I know, Rose," I admit with a growl. "I said I was going to tell her tonight. Please just give me a break."

_Never. _

"See you for the game, Eddie," she says in a sickening saccharine voice.

I make sure to shut and lock the door behind her. I guess I need to once again rehearse my _Bella, I love you_ speech. I've only practiced it six hundred and forty-three times. What's once more?

* * *

**So, what do you think? Who's ready for some baseball?**

**Review. Please & Thanks!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hmmm... is this a day early or a week late? I'll let y'all decide, but I am nicely recovering from my surgery. Thank you to everyone who wished me well. I appreciated that a lot! **

**Getting into the thick of it, this is a longer chapter. I hope y'all like it since I have been denying their relationship from moving forward. ;) A lot will happen in this chapter, so get ready. I know must of you had a set thought about what was going to happen, but just read and find out. The song for this chapter is Can't Say No by the Helio Sequence. **

**Twilight... not mine.**

* * *

"So, who's ready for some baseball?" Emmett yells out as he bounds down the stairs.

"You know it, brother," Jasper calls out as they slap their hands together with a resounding crack. Bella lets out a small giggle at their display of testosterone, and I find myself smiling along with everyone else.

"How about you, Eddie?" Emmett questions with a growl, holding his hand up for a universally known high-five. "You ready to kick some ass?"

"Emmett," Esme admonishes as she enters the living room, smiling even through her mild chastising.

"Sorry," he replies sheepishly before turning back to me. "Well, Eddie, are you?"

I look over to Bella who gives me an encouraging nod. Jumping to my feet, I connect my open palm first with Jasper and then with Emmett who gives me a ridiculous grin right before I twist his arm behind his back. "Hell yeah, I'm ready," I growl with enthusiasm, "but don't call me Eddie!"

I let go of his arm, moving quickly across the room out of his grasp. "Dang," he murmurs, shaking his hand in front of his body. "You got some grip on you, but don't you think for one second that I'm not going to get you back."

"You'll have to go through me," Bella says, standing up from her seat on the couch, flexing her arms teasingly. They may not be as large as Emmett's, but right now, they are definitely stronger.

"Oooh, sic'ing your girlfriend after me, I see," he taunts.

"Don't be mad, Emmett. All's fair, right?" I reply, throwing my arm over Bella's shoulder, choosing not to acknowledge his prior statement. She gives me a beautiful smile, looking up at me in a way that warms my entire body, breathing new life into me like the sweetest blood. Her playful smile turns bashful, and she drops her chin, peeking up at me from beneath her lashes as we walk toward the back door together.

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbles, shuffling his feet toward the door. "Just you wait."

_Eddie and Bella sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G._

"Really, Emmett?" I question over my shoulder as I open the door for Bella, following her outside. He just shrugs his shoulders in answer before directing his thoughts toward Rosalie in baseball pants. NOT what I wanted to hear, but now that he mentions it, Bella's derriere looks rather nice in those tight white pants and tall striped socks.

"That is enough of that, brothers," Jasper yells out from behind us as he struts into the yard. "I can't be feeling that way right now. I have got to keep my mind on the game, on my strategy. Y'all need to quit exuding all that lust my way before I jump pretty, little Alice here."

"I wouldn't mind," Alice giggles, batting her eyelashes and flirting unabashedly with Jasper.

"You better know what you're asking for, darlin'!" He exclaims with a tip of his baseball hat. Small shrieks accompany her as she twirls around the yard with Jasper following close behind, feigning as though he can't catch her.

"Goodness, what has gotten into you kids this evening?" Esme questions as she steps into the yard, closing the door behind her. Carlisle extends his crooked arm, and she happily latches herself onto her husband.

"It must be a full moon," Jasper drawls out, finally grabbing onto Alice who gives up with out a fight. He squeezes her tight while grinning and looking up at the night's sky.

Emmett throws his head back, letting out a deep howl. I laugh and glance down at Bella, trapped lovingly under my arm. She winks at me before she follows Emmett's lead, howling sweetly at the moon.

Holding my love tighter to my body, my smile is from ear to ear, plastered across my face as I let out my own howl. The rest of the family soon join in on our ridiculous display, and I am sure there has never been a sight like this before, eight vampires in baseball attire, howling at the moon with sheer joy and utter abandonment. Needless to say, it's an interesting way to start the night.

I am not sure who breaks first, but soon enough, we are all laughing hysterically, holding onto one another as the infectious merriment takes control of our bodies. Alice falls to the ground, limbs splayed wide as Jasper falls next to her. Emmett lifts Rosalie over his shoulder before they too collapse onto the spongy earth. Carlisle and Esme, who normally have such control, chuckle along with us, hugging tight to one another. I don't release Bella from under my arm, enjoying too much the way I can feel the laughter rack through her small body. I never want to let go, and hopefully, after tonight, I won't ever have to.

"Well," Bella finally says between giggles. "I thought we were going to play some baseball not howl at the moon all night." She puts her hand out to Alice, pulling her up and into a friendly hug. "Come on, Ali," she continues. "What time were we supposed to start playing?"

"Right!" Alice shouts, jumping up and down in place. "We need to go right about now."

Emmett stands, still holding Rose over his shoulder. "Let's do this thing!" He exclaims as he slaps her on the behind, hard. She squeals and wiggles, but she doesn't really try to break free. Does that mean she enjoys getting spanked?

Would Bella like that?

_What do you think you're staring at, Eddie?_

Emmett's thoughts break me out of my own head, and I realize that I have been transfixed on Rose's ass this entire time. I blink, shaking my head, and turn back toward Bella. I hear Emmett's deep guffaw from behind me, clearly enjoying my embarrassment.

"Ready, love?" I ask, letting my eyes take in the beautiful creature beside me. She nods, flashing me her razor sharp smile, and I return her earlier wink, dropping my arm to take her hand, gripping it tight as I take off into the forest beside the house.

I don't let go as we run through the woods, and if she doesn't want to hold my hand, she's not making it very obvious. I have always enjoyed running, it's something I am good at. I'm fast, agile and deadly on my feet. From the first hunt with Bella, running became a new obsession of mine, well, running with Bella did. Simply because, I love to watch her - the wind blowing her hair, whipping it around her face, her muscles long and lean as the contract with each stride, our playful races, the seductive way she hunts, the surreptitious smiles and glances she grants me as we dart around the trees. That was before I knew this feeling, this moment in time. Now, running with Bella, holding her hand as we race through the night, carefree and happy, is the closest I have ever been to nirvana.

I imagine there are other things, naked things, I can do with Bella that will be out of this world fantastic, but at this time, holding the hand of the girl I love, is all I need, all I have ever needed. Bella is the key to everything good and beautiful that has been locked away from me for all of these years. The happiness that has alluded me, the calm that I have craved, the serenity that I have been denied is all available to me now, in abundance even, because of this petite brunette simply holding my hand.

"Edward," my angel sings my name.

"Yes, love," I respond, turning my face to take in her effervescent glow in the moonlight. I swear, sometimes I think this girl has a halo surrounding her. I wouldn't be surprised.

"I need my hand back."

"What?" I question, arching my brow in confusion. I don't want to let go. I shake my head slightly as my mouth drops into a frustrated frown.

She squeezes my hand once and my eyes almost close at the contact. "Well, Edward, we're here, and if either of us expect to play, you have to let go of my hand," she whispers for my ears only.

With her words, I look around, shocked to find that we are already in the clearing. My family is staring at me with knowing smirks and some loud lewd thoughts coming from Emmett and Jasper. I reluctantly let go of Bella's hand before roughly clapping my hands together. "What are you all staring at?" I question, picking up a ball and chucking it into the air. "I thought we were here to play some baseball!!" I continue in the deepest voice I can muster.

I glare at my brothers as Emmett jokingly humps Jasper from behind. They have no tact.

_Really, Edward? What was with the McGruff voice you were channeling?_

I turn my eyes toward Alice, snarling slightly in her direction.

_I'm sorry, but the grunting and jock itch act is so not you! _

Point taken. Nodding, I roll my eyes and pick up a bat. "Alright, let's pick teams."

"Who are the captains?" Bella asks.

"Can I be one this time?" Alice questions with a desperate tone, hopping up and down with her hand high in the air.

"That's fine," Carlisle replies, giving in to Alice's begging. "Who else?"

"How about Edward?" Alice exclaims, giving Carlisle a blinding smile as she taps her temple. Playing the psychic card, works every time.

"Alright, who goes first?" Carlisle murmurs, his thoughts turning to how to keep this fair. Obviously, we can't have the mind reader and psychic pick a number between one and ten.

"I do," Alice responds in a sing song voice. She gives me a glare, daring to challenge her, but I bow out gracefully.

"Go ahead, Alice."

"I choose Emmett," she shouts out, and he throws his hands up with his enthusiasm at being the first choice.

"Okay, then I want Bella," I say with a smile. Jasper shrugs his brows animatedly, mimicking Groucho Marx, behind Bella's back.

_Of course you do, Edward!!_

Somehow, Alice's mental voice is as shrill, if not more so, than her speaking voice. It is rather amazing, in a completely horrendous way.

"Your turn," I direct at her with a slight growl.

"Right," she laughs. "Jasper!"

He slinks over toward her and bumps fists with Emmett. Where did they pick that up? Hmm... I must be behind on my non-verbal slang. Do people still say talk to the hand? I make a note to watch a few mindless hours of MTV tomorrow to catch up.

"Let's see," I mumble. "I choose Rose."

She struts over to where Bella and I are standing, winking seductively at Emmett when she passes him by.

"Then we happily have Carlisle," Alice finishes.

"What about Esme?" Bella asks, giving me an imploring look.

"Someone has to keep these guys in line," Esme answers with a warm smile. "They try to cheat like crazy if someone is not keeping a constant eye on them."

"Aren't the teams a little uneven," Bella questions, glancing at the three men and Alice that make up the other team. "I'm sure Edward and Rose are amazing, but I've never played before."

"Don't worry so much, Bella," Rose chides her playfully. "You are going to be great. Also, with the way you take Emmett down in those arm-wrestling matches, I'd say, you have nothing to worry about!"

Emmett lets out a menacing growl as the rest of us laugh at his expense. It wouldn't be quite so funny if he didn't get so worked up about it, but then Emmett is Emmett.

"Rose is right, Bella!" Alice exclaims as she tightens the laces on her shoe. "Plus, I prefer to just pitch the entire game. It seems to work best with my ability," she continues with a smile. "That way the teams will be three on three."

"I remember the rules of the game a little, I think," Bella states to the family as her eyes fall mainly on me. "I wouldn't mind a refresher, though."

"Yeah, Eddie, why don't you... refresh her?" Emmett asks in a suggestive tone. I guess no one is working with subtly anymore. One conversation with Rose and there is no turning back.

"It would be my pleasure," I say to Bella, giving her a warm smile before sneering at Emmett over her shoulder.

I let Bella know the Cullen rules of the game, which are pretty simple. There are no bad pitches, you miss or don't swing, it's a strike. Three strikes, you are out. If you're tagged, you're out. Three outs, the inning is over and we switch. Esme keeps us all on the moral straight and narrow.

I put my hands on her shoulders once I'm done explaining, giving her an encouraging but light massage. It's getting harder not to cross any boundaries. Telling Bella how I feel, is not only going to be good for my heart but also my sanity.

"You are going to be smashing," I whisper affirmatively in her ear, bringing my body a little closer toward hers. One more step and we would be flush together with me holding her from behind. That idea excites me to no end. I slow my pace, forcing a little distance between us, so Bella won't feel said excitement pressed against her back.

Willing my erection away with thoughts of Emmett in a bikini, I turn to Alice. "Is your team hitting or fielding first?" I ask. I don't even pretend to think I have a choice in the matter.

"The losers hit first, so go ahead," she replies jokingly, and I toss her the ball, rolling my eyes. A lightening bolt strikes in the distance, leaving a resounding thunder clap in it's wake. "It's time." She smiles and takes her mark on the pitcher's mound.

I turn toward my team, and we huddle together. "Alright, Rose is going to bat first, so you can see how it's done," I direct at Bella who nods nervously. I glance at Rosalie to confirm the plan, making sure she wants to go first. She also nods, so I hand her the bat.

Rose steps up to the plate, and Esme takes her place behind her, taking on her roll as Catcher and Umpire. Alice is on the mound with Carlisle manning the infield and Emmett and Jasper in the outfield. I watch Bella as she focuses on Alice with rapt amusement. Her eyes are wide as the first ball is pitched at what would be considered a blinding speed to human eyes. Rose takes her first swing, connecting the bat with a reverberating smack, and the ball is launched into the air, flying far past the makeshift field. Rose takes off toward first as Jasper races into the trees after the ball.

"That has to be a home run," Bella whispers. "She hit it so hard!"

I watch as Rose rounds second base. "Just wait," I tell her. "Jasper is pretty fast." As soon as the words are out of mouth, Jasper, invisible in the surrounding woods, calls Carlisle's name before the ball flies out of the surrounding trees into Carlilse's awaiting hand. He catches Rose right before she steps on third, crashing into her, the sound mimicking the lightening and thunder that envelop us.

"Out," Esme declares, resulting in obnoxious cheering from Jasper and Emmett.

"Oh," Bella gasps as Rose stands up, dusting herself off. She holds her hand out for Carlisle who takes it with a guilty smile, and she pulls him to his feet. She claps her hand on his back before they both let out small chuckles.

"Your turn, Bella," Alice calls out sweetly, tossing the ball into the air that Carlisle just threw her. "Ready?" She continues, arching her brow in question.

"I guess," Bella mumbles, picking up the discarded bat and taking her stance.

"You are going to hit it out of the park, love," I say with warm encouragement. She grants me a smile and then turns her concentration to Alice.

"Give me your worst, Ali," she growls playfully, digging her toe into the ground to strengthen her stance.

Alice nods and winds up, kicking her leg out in a way only Alice can as she leans into the pitch, throwing it forcefully toward Bella and her awaiting bat. Swinging the bat back with purpose, Bella makes contact with the ball with all the force of her newborn strength. I keep my eye on the ball as it flies between Emmett and Jasper who collide clumsily together as the both charge for the ball. I laugh out loud at their confused faces as Bella rounds the bases. Jasper hops up quickly, running into the woods, but Bella is already approaching home with a wide smile on her face.

Jasper runs out of the woods with a strange look on his face as Alice's eyes go blank as the vision starts.

_What's happening, Edward?_

I shake my head at Carlisle, moving quickly in front of Bella, shielding her with my body. Jasper walks toward Alice, grabbing her hand, and they both run over to the rest of the family. We stand together, facing the woods. Everyone's thoughts are frantic and confused until they pick up the scent.

"How many are there?" Emmett questions, looking back and forth between Alice and I.

"I saw three," Alice responds meekly. "They heard us and changed their course."

"They just want to play," Jasper adds. "At least, I didn't pick up any malicious feelings when I felt them in the woods."

"Can you hear them?" Carlisle asks me, and I nod in response.

"Jasper's right, but we need to be careful at first. They are not like us."

"I have a bad feeling about this, but I'm not picking up anything definite," Alice says warily. Jasper pulls her close to his body, giving her all he can of calm, love and reassurance.

"Let's just wait before we do anything rash," Carlisle interjects, coming up with a plan of action. "Besides, they already know we're here, and maybe they do just want to play."

In less than two seconds, I can see them through the trees. There are three of them, two men and one woman. Obviously nomads, a taller black man is at the front with the other man and woman flanking him. His thoughts are calm which releases a small amount of the tension in my body. The woman, in her mid-twenties with vibrant red hair, has only thoughts of the other male. He is the one I am concerned about the most. His thoughts are more savage than the other two. His scraggly blond hair is tied into a pony tail, and he's shirtless, proudly showing his multiple scars. He's a fighter.

"Emmett, you and I will flank Carlisle to walk forward and meet them. Alice, keep your eye on the future, and please, for my sanity, stay out of it if a fight occurs. Edward, I want you to stay in their thoughts. Signal me if anything alarms you. Be there to back us up as well. Rose and Esme stand guard over Bella. She may have newborn strength, but she is our weakest link." Jasper launches into his military strategic training, and we quickly follow suit.

Bella looks frightened, and I know she does not want anyone else to get harmed if they have to protect her. "It is going to be fine, love," I whisper into her ear, and her body relaxes against mine. "I'm sure they just want to join in the game."

She nods, but her face betrays her worry. I bring my finger to her mouth, releasing her bottom lip from her teeth. "Trust me." I add, looking into her eyes.

"Be safe," she murmurs, moving to stand behind Rose and Esme.

Carlisle with Emmett and Jasper walk out to meet the nomads in the middle of the field. Their thoughts are consumed with our appearance and how we smell differently than others.

"Good day," their leader greets Carlisle in a light French accent. "I believe we found something that belongs to you." He tosses the ball to Carlisle who catches it with a nod.

"Thank you."

"We would love to join your game, if you don't mind," he says with a smile. His red eyes are a vibrant scarlet, proof they just fed. I hope it was far away from our area. "My name is Laurent," he introduces himself with a small bow. "This is James and Victoria."

"Hello, it's nice to meet you all," Carlisle greets them. "My name is Carlisle, and this is my family – Emmett, Jasper, Edward, Alice, Rose, Esme and Bella."

"My, my," Laurent chuckles. "There are many of you, no? How do you live?"

"We have a permanent residence a few miles south if that is what you mean."

"You live there all the time?" He asks, confusion marking all three of their thoughts and faces. "How do the humans not become suspicious when many of them turn up dead," he continues, mirth obvious in his tone.

"We do not feed from humans, and while in our area, we would appreciate you refraining from doing so as well," Carlisle adds, his tone final.

Laurent looks back at James which raises suspicions in Jasper before he turns back to face Carlisle. "Of course, as we have recently fed that shall be no problem."

As he speaks, the other male, James' attention shifts toward another member of our family, and I immediately move in front of her.

"Game on, no?" Laurent says, putting the attention back on himself.

I glance at Alice behind me, and she shrugs her shoulders.

_I haven't seen anything, so I suppose it wouldn't hurt to let them play. _

I nod begrudgingly and move to speak quietly to Jasper and Carlisle. The three turn to speak to me, putting their backs to the nomads, and in that moment he makes his move. Quickly and purposely he strikes, grabbing her before any of us were the wiser.

"Let go of her now, and I might let you live," Jasper growls menacingly, death dripping in his gravely voice. He moves closer, snapping his teeth, his hands clawed and back arched, his eyes black with anger until James moves his mouth to Alice's neck, causing Jasper to stop.

Emmett turns to guard the other two and Rose moves to help him, snarling at the female. They make no move to help James, and their thoughts are spastic and constantly changing. I can not figure out what his motivations are.

"I don't think I will," James replies smugly. His sharp teeth mere inches from Alice's neck. Fear is obvious in Alice's calm features as he runs his nose across the muscles along her shoulder. "You see, you have something that belongs to me," he continues, gripping her tighter to his body, causing Alice to gasp. "I always claims what's mine," he sneers.

"Alice belongs to no one," Jasper yells, his body tight and rigid but wild at the same time, "but she is my wife, and I will tear your head from your body with my bare hands to protect her!"

"Release her and then leave immediately," Carlisle speaks calmly and firmly. "We do not want violence."

"She's mine," James murmurs against Alice's skin. "She always has been; even when she was a weak human."

"I have never been yours," Alice states through gritted teeth, "and I never will be."

James growls at her words, his thoughts smeared with red and black, overcome with anger. Without a second thought, he moves into strike and Jasper moves in for the kill. The air is still and frantic at the same time with a strange tingling in the air.

"Let her go!!" Bella yells out, stepping around Esme before either men reach their intended victim. Immediately, James's arms are ripped clean from his body, and Alice runs into Jasper's arms.

"What the fuck did you do?" He screams, struggling to break free of some invisible force as the redhead moves to gather his limbs. Rosalie grabs her from behind, her teeth to Victoria's neck, stopping her from taking another step.

"Don't move," Emmett growls at Laurent, and he nods in response.

"Bella," I call out, turning to my love who is shaking in her rage. She steps forward, moving further past a shocked Esme.

"You were given multiple chances to release her, but you refused," She sneers, shaking her head back and forth. She brings a finger up in front of his face with a small tsk tsk. "Three strikes, your'e out," She states smugly, whipping her head once to the side and in turn James headless body falls to the ground. Each roll of his head is violently loud in the now quiet night until it stops with a resounding thud against Bella's shoe.

"You bitch!" Victoria screams, scratching Rosalie's arm with her fingernails and somehow evading her grasp. She charges quickly toward Bella, but before I can even step in, Bella raises her hand to her.

"Stop," she commands. Victoria struggles to move forward, but she cannot move either of her limbs as though she is bound with unbreakable rope. She is trapped in Bella's power.

"I will kill every last one of you!" She screeches raggedly, shaking fruitlessly under Bella's control.

"I'm sorry," Bella states calmly, "but you will never get the chance." With another whip of her beautiful and deadly head, her brown hair flipping gracefully around her delicate features, Victoria falls to the ground where she stands, her head dropping to the left of her.

The moment last forever; no words are spoken in the quiet until Bella lets out a soft gasp.

"Edwa..." Bella voices trails off as she falls to the earth, her knees shaky. I run to her side, catching her before she hits the grass, and I hold her still body in my arms.

"Gather them." Jasper demands. "It'll be my pleasure to light the match."

Emmett and Rose gather the pieces of Victoria and James, piling them together as Carlisle turns toward Laurent.

"Will there be an issue with you as well? Leave now, never return, and we shall not harm you," Carlisle states matter-of-factly.

"I have no fight here," Laurent agrees, putting his hands in the air. "You shall never see me again." With that, he turns to the trees, fleeing for his life.

The smoke billows in the night, the sweet scent of burning vampire flesh fills my nostrils as I pull Bella's frail frame closer to my body. "We need to get her home. That took a lot out of here," I say aloud to anyone who is listening before I take off toward the house, my thoughts and worries consumed with the one I love.

The others follow quickly, shock and awe evident in their minds. I reach the house, moving as fast and as carefully as I can up the stairs to place Bella's limp body on her bed. My body is tight with tears that will never fall as I run my hands frantically through my hair.

Carlisle is first through the door with his bag, examining her non responsive body.

"Carlisle," I mumble, my voice shaky. "What the hell is happening?" I cry out. "She has to be alright! I just found her! I cannot lose her!"

"She'll be okay, Edward," he says encouragingly, but it doesn't help. Nothing will help until she opens her eyes, until I can hold her and feel her holding me back. "I can't be sure because I have never seen anything like what Bella just did, but I believe she must be in shock."

"Shock," I repeat, registering every other word.

"Yes," he murmurs as he shines a light onto her pupils. "Emmett, Jasper," he calls out. "She needs blood. Hurry, any kind."

I hear them leave the house, but all I can see is Bella. She has to wake up. There can be no other choice. "I love you," I whisper to Bella, gripping her hand tight in mine. "Please, Bella, Please," I beg mindlessly.

Carlisle stands to grab Bella, but I step in front of her, baring my teeth in his direction. "Fine, Edward. You can carry her outside, but we need to hurry."

I nod silently, placing her body into my open arms and holding her against my chest. I whisper lovingly into her hair, encouraging and meaningful words until we reach the back door.

"Open her mouth," Carlisle commands, snapping the neck of the live deer in Emmett's grasp. He bites the neck, letting the blood pour freely down her throat. "Swallow, Bella, come on," he begs and her throat finally constricts, passing the red nectar into her body.

Silent cheers surround us, but I refuse to be happy until she opens her eyes. She drains the deer, gasping for more when the blood runs dry. Another deer is brought to her mouth, but this time she has more control as her lips surround the open wound, nursing each drop into her awaiting mouth.

"I... I..." she stutters as the dead deer falls to the ground beside her. Jasper quickly grabs both of them, carrying them off to bury.

"Bella," I call out her name softly, moving my hands to her cheeks. "Can you hear me."

"I..." she mumbles again.

"You're going to be fine," I whisper. "Everything is alright."

"I... I have to leave," she continues in the barest of whispers.

"What?" I ask frantically. "Why are you saying that?"

She opens her eyes, locking her red-gold pupils onto my golden. She closes her eyes tightly before she speaks. "Please, let me go." She rises slowly to her feet, shaking off my hold. I am too stunned to move, to stunned to speak.

"I have to leave," she repeats in a louder tone, turning toward the house.

"No," I scream, following her inside. "Why do you keep saying that?!?"

I barely note the others don't follow, choosing to remain outside.

_Make her stay. _

Alice's silent command rolls off my shoulders, not needed. I already know I have to make her stay. I have no other choice.

I find Bella in her room, packing clothes into a backpack, hurriedly moving around her room.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my voice breaking painfully. "Why are you packing?"

"I told you I have to leave," she interrupts, stopping momentarily to look out the window. "I can't stay here."

"Of course you can, Bella," I reply. "This is your home. This is where you belong."

"No, I..." she stops, shaking her head.

"Bella..."

"NO!" She yells, turning to face me, the torment marring her features. "I killed them, Edward without even touching them!! Don't you see? I am a monster. I. Have. To. Leave!"

"I won't let you," I state simply.

"As if you could stop me," she scoffs. "With a single thought, I could destroy you..."

"But, you won't," I interrupt.

"I can't hurt any of you!" She screams. "I won't hurt you! I can't..." Her voice trails off into tearless sobs. I move closer to her, trying to offer any comfort I can. "Don't touch me!" She commands, pushing my hands away. "Please..."

"I won't let you leave, Bella."

"Why?" She sobs. "What if I..."

"No," I stop her, placing both of my hands on her shoulders. "You can't think that way. With Carlisle's help, we can figure out the workings and strength of your power, reign it in, use it wisely. We can figure this out together."

"The risk is too great, Edward," she responds, turning her face away from mine. "I won't let myself hurt you."

"The only way you could hurt me is by leaving, Bella," I murmur, bringing her body into mine, holding her with all my might. "I won't survive if you leave me."

"Just let me go," she whispers.

"Fine," I reply, "but then I am coming with you."

"No!"

"Don't you see," I continue, moving my hands to her face, turning her head toward mine. "You are where I belong. Without you, there is no me."

She shakes her head, keeping her eyes closed tightly. "Open your eyes," I plead, tracing her lids softly with my fingertips. "Please."

She finally does, and with her eyes locked to mine, I tell her the words that I have kept locked inside for far too long.

"I love you, Bella Swan."

* * *

**Oh, no. What shall happen next? I suppose you will just have to stay tuned to find out. lol. **

**Just want to mention that I am in the midst of getting a new story together since BHLB only has one chapter left and an Epilogue. I'm sad it's ending, but I am excited about the new story. It is going to be Edward & Jasper!! (sorry Nyvia) I hope that y'all will stick with me for it as well. **

**I would love for you to review, so go on, let me know what you think!!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello everyone! Y'all were very vocal last chapter. I'm glad you liked the nomad outcome. I know I said last chapter that this would be it plus an epilogue, but I spoke too soon. There will be one more chapter after this and then the epilogue. **

**The song for this chapter is Keep a Friend by Dr. Dog. I really love this song, and I hope that if you have been looking up the music for the chapters, you are enjoying them as well. **

**Twilight? Not mine. **

* * *

_She finally does, and with her eyes locked to mine, I tell her the words that I have kept locked inside for far too long. _

_"I love you, Bella Swan."_

* * *

Her mouth falls open as her eyes dart back and forth, searching mine frantically. I hold an unneeded breath, waiting for her to speak, to respond, to slap me. Anything.

"You love me?" She questions finally.

"With everything I am," I confirm.

"How... How long?" She stumbles over her words, turning her head and breaking our stare. I gently lift her face to mine, locking our eyes back together.

"I am not sure," I start. "God, probably since the moment I met you."

"In the hospital?" Her brows furrow, trying to remember, and I bring my fingers to smooth away her worry lines. Unless she denies me, I never want to remove my hands from some part of her body. As irrational as it is, I want to touch her always.

"Yes," I say with a nod. "You know that your blood sang to me, despite the cancer, but it was so much more than that. It was you."

"Me?"

"Your heart, your personality, your mind, your laugh, your voice, your eyes, your face, your smile, your hands, your nose... your pinkie toes, everything!!"

"Edward," she pauses, taking a deep breath. "You love me? You honestly love me?"

"That's right, Olivia Newton John," I tease.

Her mouth turns up into a sad looking grin.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I should be serious. I am not joking about my feelings in any way..."

She cuts off my ramblings of an apology by lifting her hand, and she closes her eyes, breathing in deeply before opening them back and looking right at me. Suddenly her hands are on my cheeks, and I cover her hands with my own. Her eyes are filled with emotion, and I never want to look away. Her lips part as she exhales, letting her cool breath wash over my face. Her eyes, the color of the sunrise are shining into mine, taking control, consuming me, before they flutter closed. In slow motion, I lean forward, absorbing and memorizing every little thing about this moment.

With deliberation, I brush my lips against hers, relishing in this wanted connection. She breathes out in a sigh against my mouth before moving gently with me, working together in tandem like connecting pieces of a puzzle. I suck her bottom lip between mine as she concentrates on my top lip, and I have never felt anything like this before.

Every over used expression runs through my mind, and I don't care how cliché it sounds – this is magical. I move one hand to her neck, caressing the sensitive skin with soft touches, while the other hand latches into her beautiful hair. A groan escapes my lips, and she pushes harder into me. I follow her lead, immersing myself completely, letting the rest of the world fall away.

With our lips moving together seamlessly, I timidly let the tip of my tongue trail along her bottom lip, and she opens to me with a gasp. With out any awkwardness, our tongues meet in the middle, flicking together like a choreographed dance. We let the moment sweep us away, trapping us in continuous perfection, and I never want to break free.

After a moment, Bella pulls her tongue back into her mouth, enticing a deep groan of protest from me, and she smiles lightly against my lips. I rest my forehead against hers, eyes closed, as I let my body wind down from its frenzied state.

"I have wanted to do that for so long," she breathes against me, and I nod in utter agreement. "I'm going to miss you," she murmurs almost indistinguishably.

I pull back, bringing my hands to her cheeks and searching her eyes with mine. "You won't miss me, Bella, because I won't let you leave me."

"You can't stop me from leaving, Edward," she replies gently, closing her eyes.

"No, I can't," I concede, "but, you can't stop me from following. I am in love with you. We belong together."

She trembles slightly beneath my hands before dropping her head to my shoulder and burying her face into my neck. "Say it again," she mumbles into my skin.

"I love you," I gladly repeat, smiling down at her beautiful face. "I know you're scared about your power, but you won't hurt us, love. Don't you know that you're a hero?"

She pulls away, looking up at me with doubt and shame as she shakes her head back and forth.

"Hey," I say gently, letting my thumbs caress her neck and jawline. "Listen to me, Bella. What you did today was amazing. You saved Alice and most likely Jasper, and I don't even want to imagine what would have happened if you weren't there."

She takes as a deep breath, gazing into my eyes. "I'm terrified I'm going to end up hurting one of you," she whispers. "If I hurt you, Edward..." She trails off, the emotions behind the thought choking her into silence.

"You didn't hurt any one of us, Bella. Don't you see. You already have more control over this than you think, and by working with all of us, you will only get stronger, more stable. Besides, love, I trust you with my life."

I pull her body into a tight hug, holding her against me with everything I have. She pulls away slightly, raising her head to mine, so I lower my eyes to her beautiful face. With our eyes locked, she brings her hands to my face, letting her fingers lightly trace over my features.

She takes a deep breath before a smile breaks out, lighting up her entire face. "I love you," she states steadily.

"Oh, Bella," I murmur before I crash my lips once again to hers. The feeling is better than the first time, with my love openly expressed and reciprocated. "I love you so much," I mumble against her, but it comes out sounding like gibberish. She lets out a soft giggle, but it quickly turns into a moan as I deepen the kiss, plunging my tongue into her mouth.

After a moment, I move my lips toward her jaw, running my lips up and down her neck. Her hands find their way into my hair, leading me across her body, and I willingly follow. Distracted by the silvery scar that marks her skin, I worship my bite mark with my lips, kissing it reverently.

"I'm sorry about this," I whisper against her only imperfection.

"Don't be," she sighs above me. "Like you said after my funeral, you saved me."

I reluctantly remove my lips from her body, and she slides her hands from my hair. I lift my hands to hers, clasping them together and lowering them, trapping them between us. I lean down to her neck, leaving one more kiss on her scar.

"I still shouldn't have done it like that, love," I tell her with sincerity. "I loved you when you were human, and I didn't want to let you know what I was because I was afraid you wouldn't believe me or that you would think I was a monster. I fought each family member when they said I should just give you the option for a future with me. I was so stubborn, the biggest fool, but I couldn't stay away from you." I pause, taking in her expression. She is looking up at me with a sad smile, and when I return it, she nods, silently asking for me to continue.

I close my eyes, letting the emotions wash through me. "You quickly became everything to me. My life revolved around you. When I was at the hospital and not in your presence, I would tune into the minds around you, hoping for glimpses of you. When you slept, I would watch over you and soothe you from your nightmares. Then, you pushed me away, and I was slowly losing my mind. That's when I knew, I didn't want to survive without you. Hell, I cannot survive without you! It just all became too much, and I ended up taking your life without your permission. I can't regret that you are here, but I regret how I went about it."

I take a deep breath, holding it inside my lungs, letting the shame burn through my body.

"Look at me, Edward," she admonishes lightly, and I open my eyes to find her brows furrowed in what seems to be anger. "I thought you were past feeling guilty?" She asks with a sigh, and I shake my head, letting it sag to my chest. "None of that," she whispers, placing her finger under my chin and lifting my head until our eyes are locked. "Listen to me, Edward Cullen. Sure, I was a little angry at first, but mostly, I was just confused. I was unhappy while human, and as sad as it is, I was actually welcoming death at eighteen. You have to know that you breathed more life into me through death than I ever had when I was alive, than I ever even thought possible! Would I have liked to know what was coming? Sure, but I can't imagine taking the news of your... ummm... condition very well. I took it horribly when I was in the same _condition_," she laughs lightly, shaking her head back and forth.

"What I am trying to say is that we both need to move on from these things we can't control. You let go of the guilt, and I won't run away from you because of my power. Okay?" She finishes with wide eyes, looking at me imploringly.

"Okay," I reply with a nod before letting out a growl at the thoughts of the family swirling in my head.

"That doesn't sound very convincing, Edward," Bella states, arching her brow, and I grab her again into a tight hug, holding her body to mine.

"No, it's just that everyone wants us to come back downstairs. They have basically started bombarding my mind with Alice leading the attack," I tell her, sighing deeply. "I don't want to share you yet, and I definitely don't want to let you go," I murmur into her hair.

"Let's just go face the firing squad." I can hear the smile in her voice as she takes me hand, tugging me forcefully into the hallway.

"I don't want to," I whine jokingly, and she lets me pull her back into my body.

_Come on, Edward. You have forever!! Bring her down here, please!_

I groan at Alice's silent pleading. "Let's get this over with, and then you and I are going to go to our meadow," I direct at her with a smile.

"Pushy, pushy," she teases, playfully shoving me back, separating our bodies. "Just because I love you, doesn't mean you don't need to say please," she continues, turning to make her way back to the stairs.

I reach out, halting her with my hands on my shoulders and pulling to me, her back against my chest. I move her hair over one shoulder before kissing my way up and down her neck. "Say it again," I beg with a growl.

"Say please," she moans quietly, practically vibrating under my touch.

"Please," I breathe into her soft, milky skin, letting her mouthwatering scent invade my senses. When she was human, I thought she smelled good, but that was before she became a vampire. Now, her sweet and floral musk drives me mad.

"I love you, Edward," she repeats, granting me a beautiful smile.

"I will never tire of that," I murmur against her skin before I sneak my tongue out and lick a line from her shoulder to her jaw before I take her earlobe into my mouth. She trembles slightly, and I can't help the smile that breaks out across my face. "We have to go downstairs," I whisper into her ear, and she gives me a quiet moan in response.

"I'll take that as a yes," I laugh, taking her hand and tugging her frozen body behind me.

"Now, who's fighting dirty," she mumbles under her breath, giving me a playful scowl.

"I'll show you dirty," I growl, stopping abruptly and throwing over my shoulder, giving her a playful tap on the behind. She lets out a little squeal of delight at my actions, enticing an enthusiastic smile from me. "I'm glad you like that," I tease, spanking her one more time for good measure before I run down the stairs and into the living room, placing Bella gently back on her feet for our talk with the family.

"Let's make this fast," I direct, letting my eyes hit everyone as they travel across the room. They all need to know how serious I am about my last statement.

"Bella," Alice starts, her voice tight with emotion as she rises from the couch where Jasper has her clutched in his grasp, holding her tight. She flies into Bella's arms, throwing her arms around her waist to pull her into a tight hug. "I won't ever be able to thank you enough." Her tone is filled with love and awe as she pulls back to look Bella in the eye. "I'm so glad you're my sister."

With that, Bella pulls her back into another hug, nodding her head in agreement. "You don't have to thank me, Alice," she mumbles modestly. "Honestly, I don't even know what I did."

"You kicked serious ass!" Emmett yells out from his spot on the loveseat, earning him a slap from Rosalie. "Dang, baby," he mutters, rubbing his head where she hit him.

"What my husband is trying to say, Bella," Rosalie begins, standing up to join the hug already in process, "is that without you, there is no saying what could have happened today. You were absolutely amazing."

"Seriously, you guys," Bella says as she ducks her head slightly in embarrassment, "you're going to give me some type of complex.

"What she is trying to say," I add, "is that she wants you to stop fussing over her, so I can have her back."

"Possessive, much?" Alice asks, quirking her eyebrow.

"We just shared our first kiss, not even five minutes ago, Alice. I can't help the need to want to hold her in my arms," I state seriously. "Besides, you should hear Jasper's thoughts right now." I add, pointing my finger at my blond brother. "He's contemplating just grabbing you and running for the door."

"Hey!" Jasper yells, standing to throw his arm around his wife. "That was just a fleeting thought, Edward, not a serious consideration. I call foul play." Alice chuckles as she laces her arm around Jasper's waist, pulling him back to the couch they previously occupied.

_I wouldn't stop him. _

Rolling my eyes at Alice's ever increasing X rated thoughts, I interlace my fingers with Bella's, and she absentmindedly moves deeper into my side.

"Bella," Carlilse starts, turning the conversation back to the real topic at hand, "I want to thank you for this afternoon." He puts his hands up as Bella starts to protest. "I know you must be frightened by your new power, but I, as well as the rest of the family, will work with you in anyway we can to hone in and control it. This is just another extension of yourself, Bella dear, but it does not define you."

"I don't understand what you mean exactly," Bella admits, squeezing my hand tighter.

"You are scared of hurting one of us indirectly, right?" He asks her, and she nods in answer. "What I'm trying to say is that you are not the telekinetic vampire. You are Bella, a vampire who happens to have the power of telekinesis, if that is what your power turns out to even be. It is just another thing that makes you the wonderful creature standing before us. It doesn't control you. You control it. It's just all so new now, but in time, it is going to be as ingrained as running or hunting. There is no need to be afraid of yourself."

"A part of me sees that," Bella begins, "it's just..."

"Carlisle's right," Jasper adds, interrupting Bella and giving her a grateful smile. "We have become closer over this past month because your emotions are always so positive, but I know I have still been the most wary around you because you're a newborn. No more, Bella. I trust you with my life and with the life of my wife. You are family, and this is where you belong."

"Thank you Jasper, Carlisle," Bella replies graciously with a warm smile. "Your words are very kind, and they mean so much to me. I'm going to work on not being afraid of this new part of me, but it's scary, the unknown."

"Hey now, Bella boo, all you need to know is that we love you, little sister," Emmett calls out from his place beside Rose. By the look on Bella's face, if she had the ability, she would be blushing from his words.

"Thanks, Em," Bella says with a smile, the twinkling back in her eyes. "I love you too, even if you are a sissy man."

The family chuckles together as Emmett sputters out a defensive response before he moves quickly toward Bella, grabbing her in the tightest bear hug. "I'll show you sissy man," he mutters with a laugh as she continues to giggle.

"Can you please put my love down, Emmett," I admonish teasingly. "I rather prefer in one piece."

"Your love, huh?" Rosalie questions with a smirk. "So, I take it that it's official!"

"Well, we haven't picked out the china patterns if that's what you mean," Bella jokes as Emmett releases her, smoothing down her now wrinkled shirt.

"But, if you are wondering if Bella and I are together romantically," I add, taking her hand in mine and interlacing our fingers, "I would answer without a doubt in the affirmative." I turn toward Bella, letting everyone else fall away. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Edward," she replies with a lovely smile, setting my body on fire with feelings I only allowed myself to consider in day dreams. Soon, we are engulfed in a hug, squished together by the small hands of our mother.

"I'm so happy," Esme cries enthusiastically. "We are finally complete! I just love you both so much, and I have been waiting for you two to quit being so stubborn." She pulls away only to grab Bella into another hug, excluding me this time. "You are the reason, Bella. I'm so proud to be able to call you my daughter!"

With those words, Bella buries her head into Esme's shoulder, clinging to her motherly embrace. "I never thought I would have this, a family," Bella says, the emotions tinging her voice. "True love," she continues, reaching out for my hand which I more than willingly give her. "I just don't know how to thank you all enough for accepting me with out questions or doubts; even when, I am stubborn and sarcastic that it's bordering pig headed." She lets out a little laugh. "From what I can remember, my human life was filled with sadness and tears, but no longer. Every single one of you," she states, squeezing my hand as she takes in the members of our family, "has brought so much goodness and light into my world. I am more than happy to sparkle with all of you for the rest of our existence!"

Esme releases her side, and she quickly moves into my embrace. "Only you, Bella," Rose snorts, "would bring up sparkling in a speech like that."

"What can I say, Rose," she says teasingly with a small shrug from under my arm. "I just love to sparkle."

"Well, if that's the case," Alice adds with smirk, "the sun is about to make an appearance." She teases with a wink, letting me see a vision of Bella and I embracing in our meadow, swaying harmoniously together like the tall grass in the breeze that surround us. "It's in the hall cabinet on the second floor above the towels," Alice directs at me, and I nod, kissing Bella on the cheek before I run from the room.

"I'm not even going to ask," I hear Bella murmur as I run as quickly as possible up the stairs, returning to her side in less than two seconds, holding the picnic blanket above me in triumph.

"We will be back later," I direct at the family, holding Bella's hand as I turn toward the door with her right beside me, step for step.

"It's about time!" Emmett hollers from inside as we step into the warm sunshine, and I watch as Bella lifts her face to the sky, letting the rays wash over her gorgeous features.

"You really are amazing in the sun," I whisper into her ear, enjoying the feel of her small body flush against mine. "I can't wait to see all of you sparkle," I purr, almost shocking myself by the boldness of my statement, but I am through holding back when it comes to Bella. I need all of her.

She looks up at me from underneath her lashes as she seductively bites her bottom lip, flicking her tongue against the pink flesh when she finally releases it, moving her body closer to mine, and I close my eyes in preparation for our lips to meet, to reconnect in the most primal and beautiful way. Instead, she nuzzles her cheek against mine before kissing her way up my neck and jaw to my ear. "Race ya'," she growls out alluringly before taking off at full speed in the direction of our meadow.

"Don't drop the blanket, Edward," she calls back to me. "We're going to need that!"

* * *

**I believe that it's time for BHLB to earn it's M rating. What do you think? ;)**

**You know what I would absolutely LOVE? There are almost 400 of you with BHLB on your faves list and 600 of you with it on alert. Which is AMAZING! Now, if y'all could push BHLB over the 1k review mark with this chapter, I might pee my pants out of giddyness. Would you help me out? I brought a change of underwear just in case. lol. ****If it happens, I am going to write a Bella outtake. It might be from a previous chapter where you really wanted to know what Bella was thinking or it could be a fresh adventure in the future, filled with love and lemons!! Whichever you want. Just let me know in your review.**

**I can't wait to hear what y'all think. I was waiting for that kiss too!!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Sooo, here it is, the last chapter of BHLB. I honestly don't know what to be: happy, sad, excited. I have loved working on this, hopefully growing as a writer and entertaining y'all at the same time. There are sooo many of you guys that I want to give a special thanks to, but if I did it would take forever and I might miss someone -- I'd hate to do that. I just want you all to know that I am thankful for everyone who reviewed, read and put BHLB on your favorites or alert because that is so exciting to me. I started this little story and I didn't know if anyone was going to read, and I never expected to have so many of you reading and liking it! **

**I want to give a big thanks to Mombailey because she is awesome. Seriously around chapter five or so, Alisha started reading, asked for the playlist and we just started chatting. She then asked me to read something she wrote, which I happily did (shocked anyone would think enough of my writing to ask for my advice). It all started from there. Now, I email her to ask things like, "What would Edward call Bella's vagina?" Yeah, that happened. Anywho, she's awesome, she's a great writer and you should check out her stuff. **

**Also, thanks to Hannah, even though, I have no idea if she is still reading and the girl NEVER answered my last facebook message... (when she comes home for her next break, I am going to have lay the smack down on her) Anyway, I turned Hannah onto my secret addiction known as fan fiction and then we chatted about it while my sister rolled her eyes. She is the one who actually encouraged me when I got the notion to write a story of my own, told me that it wasn't silly. I probably still would have posted without her because I was just itching to do it, but she was a big encouragement. That first chapter of BHLB was NERVEWRACKING to post! **

**Then, last but not least, huge THANKS to all of the girls that came and played on the BHLB thread. You girls always make me smile, even though y'all keep calling me Tinkle. **

**So, this AN is turning into a long, winded speech. No one wants that. There is still an epilogue to come which will move us into the future plus the outtake (which is some future loving which I have already planned in my head -- get ready. I will post it in the BHLB Outtakes which is listed in my stories list.)**

**This chapter is set to the melodious music styling of Cat Power. More specifically: Sea of Love, Half of You, and The Greatest. **

**Twilight? Never going to be mine.**

* * *

We run until we reached the meadow, stopping at the outer barrier of trees. I stand right next to my love, gripping her hand in mine. Her hair is blown out behind her, tangled from the wind, and I reach out tentatively to run my fingers through her silky strands. As my hand creeps closer, I can feel my nervousness kick in. Even though we have declared our love, does it mean I have to ask before I touch her? So much of my life for the past few months has been denying myself from Bella, I almost don't know how to proceed.

The moment my fingertips brush the bottom of hair, flirting with the middle of her back, she lets out a quiet moan, spurring me on. I turn to face her, raising my other hand to the stray pieces, pushing them out of her eyes, tucking them behind her ear. "Can I kiss you?" I ask in the barest of whispers.

"You never have to ask to kiss me, Edward," she says with a smile, lighting up her entire face. "Do you want me to ask before I kiss you?" she continues in a playful voice as she traces the length of my arms with her hands. "I hope you don't because I plan on kissing you as often as possible."

"I'd like that."

"You would?" She smiles, moving one of her delicate hands to my face, cupping my cheek reverently before she moves in closer, standing on her tip toes as she pulls me down. Our lips meet in the middle, desperate for the connection, to move together as one. I take her bottom lip into mine, lavishing it with my tongue, and she opens her mouth to me, silently asking to deepen the kiss. With pleasure, I seek out her tongue with mine before exploring the caverns of her mouth.

Her venom, a lingering taste of mine with a sweet flavor all her own, mixes with mine, and I swallow it down my throat, relishing that I can take a part of her inside of me. She breaks our kiss with heavy breath, and I move in closer, nuzzling her cheek with my nose, taking in her wonderful scent mixed with her arousal. With one hand rooted on my face, the other takes my empty hand, interlacing our fingers before she tugs me into the meadow behind her, and I happily follow her in the sunshine.

She looks back at me, and I can see the reflection of my sparkling body in her eyes. A giant smile graces her face as she runs her eyes over my entire being, drinking me in. "You are so beautiful," she murmurs when she reaches my face again. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you, Bella, so much," I say with a small smile. "I never knew I could feel this way. I never thought I would find what I was looking for."

"Me neither," she agrees, nodding fervently. "I had given up before you. There was nothing left for me, but there was never really anything to begin with. You took me out of my self imposed darkness, thrusting me into the light, and then you waited patiently for my eyes to adjust. When I finally could see, all I could see was you. You are the reason, Edward. I would not be here without you."

"No, Bella," I reply with a chaste kiss on her lips. "You are the reason. You burst into my life, throwing my repetitious life into a tailspin, shaking it up in the best possible ways. Before you, I was only going through the motions. Even with my family, I was alone, but I didn't know that such a huge part of me was missing. Then you stumbled into my life, and I realized that what was missing was you." I put my hands on her face, bringing mine down to hers until we are inches apart, and I let her sweet breath envelope my senses until I am swimming in her essence. "You filled the Bella sized hole I had. I have been waiting for you my entire life," I say with a smile.

"A Bella sized hole?" She questions with a carefree laugh, her eyes twinkling, and I nod in answer, bringing our lips together for a languid kiss. There is only love, pure love behind it, and it warms my entire body. I have never felt more complete.

"Oh, Edward," she gasps against my mouth, and my lips turn upward with her words.

"Come on, love." I take her hand in mine and lead us into the middle of the meadow. The grass is overgrown and swaying delicately in the spring air. With the river trickling melodiously behind us, I drop her hand, unfolding the checkered blanket and letting the wind take it away from me, smoothing it out before I place it on the ground. The blades of grass bend under the weight of it, creating a cushioned, organic mattress for our hard bodies.

I let myself fall backward onto the blanket, catching myself with my hands so I am sitting with my legs stretched out before me. I pat the space between my thighs, beckoning for Bella to sit with me, to let me wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. She gracefully sits down in front of me, leaning against me, her back to my chest, and I get my wish, holding her tight in my arms.

"What?" She questions, looking around the expanse of the blanket. "There's no food at this picnic?" She teases.

"Do you want to hunt?" I ask with my lips against her neck, resting my head on her shoulder. "I'm sure we could take down a quick deer or two," I continue, feigning as though I'm going to get up.

"NO!" she shouts, pulling me back down, taking my arms and placing them around her waist. "I'm not in the mood for blood," she says quietly, her tone gravely.

"Mmmm," I mumble into her hair before I push it aside to run my lips along her neck. I kiss my way up her jaw and to her ear, letting my cool breath wash over her sensitive skin. "What are you in the mood for then?" I whisper huskily, and she shudders from the sensation.

"Everything," she breathes out, locking me in her gaze, filling me with her love and desire, and I smile back at her, greedily taking everything she offers. "What are you in the mood for?" She repeats my question with a wink.

"You," I reply honestly, my tone reflecting my desperation to be closer still, to be connected in the most primal of ways, to be inside her. "I have never desired anything the way I desire you. I crave you." With our eyes locked, she spins around in my lap, draping her legs over my thighs so we are chest to chest. I can feel every unneeded breath she takes and I plan each of my intakes to coincide with her every expulsion of air, breathing her in at every opportunity.

She closes her eyes as she leans to rest her head against my chest with her hands wrapped around my neck, her fingers running through the hair on the back of my head. "I've never done this before," she whispers nervously. "I want to be good for you."

I lift her head with my fingers, gently pulling her face to mine. With our eyes locked together, I kiss her passionately, putting all of my love into my actions. "I've never done this before, either," I reply against her lips. "Besides, I could never be disappointed in you, Bella. You are the most beautiful and sexy woman I have ever seen."

"You think I'm sexy?" she asks in a quiet voice, biting her bottom lip between her teeth. She doesn't even know how seductive she is when she innocently does that. I run my finger across her lip with a groan.

"You are unbelievable sexy," I growl. "Every time I am near you, I get excited. Do you know how many erections I have had to hide from you?" I ask with a small laugh. "I've wanted you since the moment I saw you, and then I got to know you..." I trail off, shaking my head with the memories that crash through my mind. "Then, I got to know you, hunt with you, laugh with you, love you, and the want turned into a burning inferno, constantly keeping my entire body aflame. You are everything I desire, and without a doubt, you are the sexiest woman that has ever walked this earth."

"Just earth, Edward?" Bella asks with a smile, feigning offense. "God, the least you could have given me was the sexiest woman in the universe," she continues with a laugh.

"My apologies, love," I chuckle, clutching her tight in my embrace. "Where was my head?"

She giggles as she runs her hands up and down the expanse of my back. "Just don't let it happen again."

I nod, and I can feel her smile against my chest. We stay like that, locked in each others arms, comfortable in the silence and love that swirls around us. "Bella," I finally murmur, and she lifts her head to mine, pushing her lips against mine. In that moment, the tension in the air changes, swallows us whole, and we both give up without a struggle, drowning in the desire.

As our lips dance together, I slip my fingers under the bottom of her shirt, enjoying the silky creaminess of her back before I tug on the hem, silently asking to remove it completely. She reluctantly breaks the kiss to lift her arms, and I pull the shirt off her body, tossing it aside into the tall grass. I quickly unsnap her bra, and she drops her arms, letting it fall off her shoulders until the straps rest on her forearms. As my eyes roam over her stomach and bare breasts for the first time, I am overwhelmed, momentarily shocked into silence by her sheer beauty. Her skin is milk and cream, stretched over the flatness of her stomach. Her breasts are perfect, round and soft, tipped with delectable pink nipples, begging for my touch.

Bella fidgets uncomfortably under my quiet gaze, and she lifts her arms as if to put her brassiere back in place. I stop her with my hands, taking the undergarment and throwing it across the meadow. "Please, just let me look at you," I say with a tight voice. "You're perfect," I whisper, leaning in to kiss her again, to show her how much I want her. "God, you are just so perfect," I repeat, the awe evident in my voice before I kiss my way down her neck, worshiping her collarbone with my tongue.

"Edward," she sighs into the spring air, and her voice sings like the wind, whipping around me like the grass that surrounds us, warming my body like the rays of the sun. I've heard my name before. I've even had the luck to have it fall from Bella's glorious lips, but to hear it like that, passionate and sultry, is almost more than I can take.

Before she realizes what I am doing, I flip her over flat on her back with me hovering over her, kissing every inch of her skin I can reach. When I reach her breasts, I pause, taking my time to truly enjoy this experience, to give her the most pleasure I possibly can. I kiss down a line between them, enjoying the way her chest rises and falls with each haggard breath before I let my tongue trace around the perimeter of the left one. I gingerly cover the other with my hand, cherishing the way it fits perfectly under my fingers. She was truly made for me.

When I reach the peak of her breast, the culmination of loveliness, I take her nipple into my mouth, flicking it with my tongue, enticing gasps and moans from Bella. Her noises spur me on in the right direction, showing me what she enjoys. I can't wait to learn her body completely, and I smile with her tip in my mouth, knowing that I have forever to worship every inch of her.

I move my mouth to the other breast, loving it just as much as the first. Clearly, in some situations, two is definitely better than one. While lost in my action, nibbling, sucking, kissing, Bella moves her hands down my back to the bottom of my baseball shirt, and then she sneaks her fingers under the fabric, stroking gently over my bare lower back. God, I love when she touches me, and all I can think of now is our naked skin flush together, nothing between us, not even air.

With a reverent kiss on her nipple, I let her breast fall gently from my mouth. I sit up, whipping my shirt off of my body, and I toss it in the same direction as her bra. Bella follows my actions with her eyes, watching the shirt fly through the air. She looks back at me, amusement plastered across her face. I shrug in response, growling lightly as I resume my previous position. "We won't be needing them for a while," I retort against her neck. I take the opportunity to flip us over, so that Bella is resting her body on mine, and it feels even better than I thought it would. The stiffness of her nipples with the softness of her breast and the silkiness of her skin pressed against the hard planes of my body, is exhilarating.

"I love you," she moans into my ear as she explores my body with her hands. At this time, the sun decides to peak back through the clouds, gifting us with warm rays on her nearly naked body. Bella pulls back, looking me in the eyes before she stands up over me. An unexpected whimper comes from my mouth at our separation which causes Bella to smile. She looks like an angel, but she could just as easily be a Siren, made to lure men to their death. I know I would follow her to my demise any day.

"I love the way your skin looks in the sun," she purrs, looking down at me like I am the most amazing being she has ever seen, but I am only amazing because she makes me so, her love makes me so.

"Come back down here," I beg. "There is too much space between us."

"Not yet," she replies with a smirk before moving her hands to the button of her pants and popping it open with a flick of her wrist. "You said something about seeing all of me sparkle," Bella growls as she slowly lowers her zipper. "I just wanted to help you achieve your wish."

At vampire speed, she is out of her pants, standing vulnerable above me in only her panties... her blue panties... her blue lace panties. "B-Bella," I stutter. I can't turn my eyes away because even though I have not slept in over ninety years, I must be dreaming. She is too good to be real.

"Close your mouth before you drool, Edward," she teases, slipping her fingers beneath the lace, but I quickly stand, stopping her from going any further.

"I want to do that," I whisper, gulping down the venom that is pooling in my mouth. She nods nervously before I kiss her again, enjoying the lack of barriers between Bella's skin and my hands.

"Edward," she moans into my hair when I move my lips down her neck. "Make love to me."

Without a word, I crash my lips to hers. I let my body fall to back to the ground with a silent thud, the grass and dirt absorbing my impact, and I take her with me, holding her tight to my body during the descent. When we land together, I cling to her still, and I never want to let her go.

"I have waited my entire life for you, Bella," I moan as she kisses down my chest, her nimble fingers quickly undoing the button and zipper of my pants. "I want you forever. I am going to love you forever. You are my life." A purr radiates in my chest when she runs her hands back up my torso and onto my face, sliding her body along the same path as her hands until we are face to face.

"Forever," she confirms, and with that one word, we are one. She is mine as I am hers. It is the way it should be. Fatalism has worked in our favor this time, but I don't care how we got here, what we had to go through. The only thing that matters is here in this moment and all the moments from here on out, our eternity together. We are right where we belong.

"Bella," I whisper as I flip us over, running my hands over every inch of her skin until I reach the top of her panties. How can one be so utterly nervous yet excited at the same time? I feel as though I am a young child on Christmas morning, and the anticipation is killing me.

Slowly, I wind the fabric at her hips around my fingers, pulling them down inch by mind numbing inch, letting my lips trail behind, kissing the length of her legs. When I reach her toes, I pull them off completely and toss them aside into the meadow where they disappear amongst the tall grass.

From my vantage point at her feet, I have an uninhibited view of Bella's naked body, and she is the most mouthwatering buffet, laid out before me, calling to my most primal nature. "Bella," I growl, letting it roll deeply through my body. I have never needed anything the way I need her. The love I feel is overflowing from me, large enough to fill the expanse of the sky and strong enough to make the sun shine brighter onto her beautiful body.

She sits, leaning back on her elbows and looking down at me through hooded eyes. A languid smile graces her face, and I return the smile because I have never been happier. "I want you, Bella. I want all of you."

"You have me already, Edward. I'm yours now and forever."

With her eyes on me, I remove my boxers, and I kneel before her at her feet, naked, body and soul. Her eyes travel down my body until they reach my erection, and she gasps before biting her bottom lip and looking back up at me, her golden red eyes practically glowing. I slide up her body, taking my time to lavish every part of her with my tongue, lips or hands, showing her without words how precious she is to me. I kiss her lightly on the apex of her thighs, not lingering. I don't want to make her nervous, and we have forever to explore every nook and cranny of our bodies. Right now, I need to be insider her and to move with her as one.

When I reach her face, I look into her eyes as I kiss her, keeping mine open until the pleasure is too much, consuming me completely. I keep one hand on her cheek, gently stroking her jaw with my thumb as the other travels lazily down her body until it reaches her bellybutton. I circle it with my finger before dipping the tip into her navel. Her stomach muscles constrict under my ministrations, and I smile into the kiss.

I let my hand drift further south until it reaches the tuft of hair that covers her sex, and I run my fingers through the coarse hair. Bella moans into my mouth, circling her hips for more, and I'm more than happy to give her what she wants.

I run my finger along her slit, and I gasp at the sensation. I'm barely touching her, and she is so wet and warm. A groan escapes my lips as I find her opening, and I push one finger in, pumping it slowly in and out.

"Edward," Bella growls, lifting her hips to meet my finger as she moves her hands into my hair, gripping tightly.

"Does that feel good?" I ask as I lick my lips. She nods before reaching up and reconnecting our mouth, out tongues desperately seeking the other.

"More," she sighs into my mouth, and I quickly slip in another finger. It is so tight. If she were still human, I'd be worried about hurting her. Right now, she's stronger than me, though, and I have never been happier that I made such a rash decision to bite her. Proof that Fatalism was working in our favor once more. She was destined to get cancer because she was always destined to live forever with me.

"God... feels good... Edward..." she moans and squirms, enticing me with the way her body moves, the sound she makes, the way I make her feel. "I'm ready. Please."

"You never have to ask, Bella," I reply, repeating her earlier words to me. "I'll never not want you. There will never be a time when I don't need every single inch of you."

"No, you got it wrong," she retorts with a smirk, looking up at me through relaxed eyes as I continue to move my finger in and out of her. "I need every single inch of you." With her words, her small hands wraps around my erection, and I gulp down my venom as I watch her hand slide up and down my dick.

"Bella," I croak as I buck into her hand. "Stop... too much... Now!"

She nods, taking her bottom lip into her mouth, so I lean down, releasing it before trapping it again between my teeth, tugging and nipping. I pull back slightly, so I can see her face. I line myself up, rubbing the tip against her entrance, and she moans loudly, giving me the encouragement I need. I stop once the head is in, letting her adjust before I slowly push in, inch by inch. My mouth is over hers, not touching at the moment, her sweet breath washing over me, and I wait until she's comfortable.

With eyes gripped tightly shut and heavy breath, she stays still as a statue, and for the moment, I cease to breathe, to move. After forty two agonizing seconds she lifts her hips and opens her eyes. I pull back slightly before pushing all the way in, my body flush against hers in every way possible.

"Oh!" she exclaims with a hiss as I move again. "That feels..." she trails off as her head lolls back.

"You feel so good," I pant into her ear after I kiss up her neck. "You were made for me."

"Only you," she groans, raising her head and bringing her lips to mine. This is how it is supposed to be. This is all I will ever need. Our bodies, lips, hearts, souls, everything we have is connected, working together as one.

"Bella, I'm not going... too good... so tight..." I mumble with each stroke. "I need to watch you first. Cum for me, love."

"So close... like that." She rolls her hips, giving as much as she is taking, and I growl at the sensation. I am not going to last much longer. Bella moves a hand down between us, and I follow it with my eyes as she starts to touch herself. Her fingertips graze over my dick as well as it slides deep inside her, and I close my eyes because the image is going to take me right over the edge.

"Edward, Edward, Edward..." My name falls from her lips repeatedly with small gasps and groans thrown in between. It feels me with deep pride, hearing her say my name, knowing who is loving her, making her feel good.

Her body tenses around my cock as I continue to thrust. I watch as she reaches her peak and her orgasm takes over her body. Her shoulders shake from the intensity and her back arches, pushing her tight against my chest. Her face is so beautiful as she hits her high, and I want to make her look like that all the time, every single second of every day.

With her body spasming around mine, her inner muscles firmly gripping my dick, I follow her into oblivion, giving into the feelings, the sights, the sounds and the smells. I explode, and she takes everything I have to offer into her. It is the most amazing thing I have experienced, utter bliss.

As I come down from my orgasm, I reluctantly pull out before I collapse next to her, my body is physically shaking in the best possible way. We just lay there for a minute on our backs, side by side as we both gasp for breath.

I close my eyes with a giant smile on my face. Her tiny hand grabs mine, interlocking our fingers, so I turn my head to look at her. Once again, I am overcome by how beautiful she is, and I am so honored to be able to call her mine.

She smiles at me, lost in love and sexual satisfaction, and I smile back, sure that my eyes reflect the same feelings.

"Forever," she finally says with a small nod as she leans in and brushes her lips against my shoulder.

"Forever," I confirm, dropping my face to hers and kissing her deeply.

* * *

***happy tears***

**So, is it everything you wanted for these two? I hope so. Let's see, since I'm feeling generous, 100 reviews gets another outtake. It can be from anytime, so let me know what you want to see and who's POV you want. It can also be another future lemony chapter. Just let me know. **

**I honestly can't wait to read the reviews!! Lay it on me.**


End file.
